How to Develop Rules & Protocols
What is the difference between rules & protocols?
Rules are absolutes for which failure has consequences. Protocols or “Devotions” are acts of commitment which are expected.
You “can” Start by answering a few questions for yourself as the dominant:
1) What level of “supervision” do I want to enforce in the relationship.
2) Do you want to enforce rules that pertain solely to the submissive training or do you want them to be “lifestyle” in their context.
3) Is the submissive already “submissive to YOU or do you need to enforce rules to correct “willfulness”. A willful submissive must first conquer “themselves” before you can conquer them. A dominant can help by enforcing rules that will highlight the submissive’s willfulness to themselves. Rules “can” teach Masters/Dominants “preferences” to the submissive Rules “can” modify a submissives typical action to meet the Dominants desires
4) How important is the submissives “growth” as a submissive to you.
By establishing rules that help a submissive grow both as a person as well as a submissive heart can help them improve their value to you by making themselves more exact and intuitive in their service as well as more fulfilled in this lifestyle.
Once you gain an understanding of what the rules you establish are trying to accomplish the next step is to “draft” a set of rules: In drafting a set of rules it is helpful to break the rules into categories of rules:
Rule Categories:
1) Relationship Rules
2) Imagery Rules
3) Sex rules
4) Internal Interactions
5) External Interactions
6) Household
Relationship rules include: • How questions will be asked • What freedoms the submissive will enjoy • How conflict within the relationship will be dealt with and resolved
Imagery Rules Include: • Dress, clothing, symbols (collars, cuffs, etc) • Body Decoration • Physical Attributes, cleanliness, hair, make-up, diet, etc • Body
Sexual Rules include: • When, How, Where • Who can initiate • Restrictions (orgasm, masturbation, etc) • Incorporating others
Internal Interaction Rules include: • Personal Freedoms (when to eat, speech, bathroom, movement, etc) • Supervision of Actions • Permissible actions, • Speech Rules (How to talk, appropriate references, appropriate conversation, etc)
External Interactions include: • Vanilla Rules • Scene Rules
Household Rules include: • Permissible location • Where and how to sit, stand, sleep, etc • Chore Responsibilities (Laundry, Cleaning, Cooking, Valet, etc) • Entertainment Responsibility (Organizing, coordinating, etc) • Money
Once you have come up with your own set of rules, it is time for you to sit down with your sub and discuss/negotiate them.
Then go through a trial period. • Try them out both for the dominants as well as the submissives sake. • Perhaps a rule creates more “work” then the dominants wants to be responsible for.
How to enforce rules in a “consensual” relationship • Physical vs. non-physical enforcement • What is discipline versus punishment
Discipline “teaches” corrective action
Punishment corrects willful disobedience •
Types of Discipline • Physical Punishment effective or not?
Confusion with Play OR can Ruin the fun of Good Fun Play
How and when relationships should take a step back and review what they have put into place, and just who's responsibility it is to do so in a D/s relationship. Warning signs: Submissive withdrawing Lack of communication Loss of Self
Responsibility lies with BOTH.
Submissive/slave less likely to want to bring it up for fear of displeasure. How to make sure each person is getting what they want out of the relationship without breaking or violating the power exchange.
Don’t settle for everything is alright Rules & Protocols are a way to keep continual training/reminders and motivation going.
First Rule - a clear open line of communication needs to be established & kept open at all times.
Be clear & concise on what you need to feed both of your minds and souls. Establishing rules & protocols together gives both of you a starting point to grow from.
To live a D/s relationship, the life of a slave, to me, is not based on the romantic notion that Master keeps her locked up or in chains with no say at all. It is a relationship built on trust. Allowing her to live in an inescapable emotional state, that allows her to consensually live as more than Master’s property.
Rules/Protocols and Devotions are all part of slave training ..which involves more than just modifying a slave's behavior. The slave's emotions, self-image and thoughts are all a part of training and have to be given equal consideration
As relationships grow, the Rules/ Protocols will reflect on each situation that arises.
At that point sitting down to review your set of Rules/Protocols are advised. Some will still hold their meaning to both of you, some may need to be modified. Remember that even though the slave is your property she is also a human being, with complexities and her own mind.
Being a slave in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange does not mean she does not have a voice. She should be encouraged to ask for what she needs to continue her growth.. ask for time outs and/or down times .. when something is not clear .. ask for a guidance in the matter ..