Compliance versus Obedience
Submission is not about being a better submissive than others, true submission is about being a better submissive today than you were yesterday.
Master said, “The dishes need done.” I replied, “Yes, Sir” and did the dishes. Did I comply or did I obey? The difference lies solely in the reason why I did the dishes. If I did the dishes so I would not disappoint my Master, did I comply or did I obey? I know it is my task as my Master's property to do the dishes and I agreed with my Master they needed done, did I comply or did I obey my Master? If I did the dishes to avoid disappointing my Master I complied with my Master's order but if I did the dishes because I knew they needed to be done and wanted to do them then I was obedient to my Master. When I do something to avoid something else I am in compliance, when I do it out of agreement and desire, I am obedient.
In the one instance, to avoid disappointing my Master, I am in compliance. If one day I decide today it will be OK to disappoint my Master, he will not get too upset if the dishes are not done on time, just this once I have just decided to be in noncompliance. Compliance always has the option of noncompliance. If I did the dishes because I agree with Master's wishes and therefore want to do the dishes as much as Master wants me to do the dishes, I am in obedience and since it is my desire there is no reason to disobey. Obedience does not allow for the option of disobedience. *See Words below
The first rule I was taught when entering the D/s lifestyle as a submissive was to obey every order without question or hesitation. This is simple and obvious especially when one agrees with the order. When the order is objectionable, not what you want or agree with, obedience is not possible but compliance is and from the outside there is little discernible difference, so we comply. By definition, a submissive has a strong desire to please and to obey, it is an inherent and unchangeable part of their nature, it is part of who they are. This leads to a problem in the mind of the submissive, on the one hand is the irresistible need to please and obey and on the other is the order to do something objectionable, disagreeable. Compliance is the temporary solution. The mind of the submissive needs to resolve the conflict because compliance is not sufficient to satisfy the needs of the submissive. A submissive will always move in the direction of accepting the task, it is their nature to please and obey and that moves them in the direction of obedience. Trust and respect of the Dominant are always key ingredients from outside as well a patience from the Dominant. Impatience can put up walls and barriers that only block progress toward obedience. Here the Dominant must have great trust in and respect for the submissive. Trust their submissive is working to resolve their conflict and respect for their submissive and the limitations which all humans have, submissives included. Obviously the submissive must also trust and respect their Dominant. By this process, in the mind of the submissive, compliance becomes obedience. **See Limits below
As compliance becomes obedience, any possibility of willful disobedience starts to vanish. The will of the Master becomes the will of the submissive. The submissive is now doing everything because they want to do it and for no other reason. Their wills are now in alignment in all important matters. The submissive has no concern of needing to do something they do not wish to do, they are free to do whatever they want to do. Only through an alignment of wills can this be achieved, there is simply no other way to achieve this. For the submissive it is a place of calm, a place to enjoy the serenity of submission. There is a special title for submissives who reach this place of honor, that title is slave. It is said, a slave is a submissive who serves without limits. Limits are eliminated when the will of the Dominant and the will of the submissive are in alignment, they both desire the same things and limits become useless. This is how the term slave is defined. It does not require a different type of submissive to become a slave, it takes a very special type of relationship to be a slave and one is only a slave as long as they reside within that relationship.
*Words How obedience and compliance are defined for this discussion may not be as they are commonly used today. They were chosen by people more skilled in language than I. As I understand it, if one goes back to the origins of the words obey and comply, one does find this difference in the two words. You obey because you want to, you comply because something is forcing you to.
**Limits. I know a lot of people are going to object stating they have very hard limits. (please excuse the poor grammar.) What is usually thrown up are things like scat, children, cutting and other unusual kinks. To be honest, in over twenty years in D/s I have never encountered a single person into scat or children or cutting. They are extremely rare kinks to start with. So it is extremely unlikely any perspective Dominant will be into something many consider very distasteful but always inquire before accepting a collar. Also, before accepting a collar, discuss any emotional issues you may have that could interfere with your service. People have been raped or otherwise traumatized. This could come up and cause distress in D/s unless it is discussed and a reasonable resolution agreed upon before collaring. Discuss all medical and emotional issues and resolve how they are to be handled prior to any collaring. If you and your perspective Dominant can find an alignment of wills on the most important issues prior to collaring it will assist your greatly later. Here an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.