I am not a patient man. I wish I were; I always want things to happen just a little faster. I hate lines. I hate loading screens, and if everyone walked around with thought balloons over their heads so I wouldn't have to guess what they really want or are thinking, I could be a happy man. They don't though. So, I need patience.
There are things you have to wait for. There are things that are worth that wait. Dynamics (or any relationship) are like that. Playmates are amazing; not a criticism. Scenes can be anticipated, negotiated and can be satisfying. Still, there is something deeper. For that, you have to wait.
If you train a sub, you need patience. In someways it is like raising a child. You teach them your rules, you lead them, you care for them and sometimes you discipline them. If you like the challenge of a “brat” you discipline them a great deal. It all takes patience.
Along the way you build trust. When you have the same ‘playmate’ over and over, you learn things and they will too. You learn preferences; you understand needs. That takes time and patience.
When you negotiate a scene or play session, you get a snapshot of what wants and limits exist. It’s only a brief moment though, it often changes. Still, you talk it over and hammer it out. I want this or she needs that or no way am I changing your diaper- limits. (No kink shaming just an example of a limit for me). I can’t read your mind- so let’s sit down and discuss things. The effort to negotiate takes patience.
There are so many things and preferences that you don’t learn there. Those things build richer interactions. You learn things about yourself and yourself with them. Example: I don’t think of myself as primal, but closing the front door, saying to her “run” and chasing her through the house has a new found appeal. Learning the things she deeply desires and how they affect me has taken time and patience. Learning when her bratting is in fun and when it’s a cry for attention that she doesn’t know how to ask for- that takes patience.
I still wish we had thought balloons sometimes, but I want to know what she’s thinking. I still hate that tea takes 3 minutes to steep but I won’t drink instant. I can’t cook everything on high because I don’t want to wait but then am disappointed with burnt grilled cheese. I can’t demand the richness of full dynamic with only minimal investment. If I want something amazing, I have to take one step at a time. I can’t bring out the best in her or the best in me without patience.
I swear I’m learning, but it takes patience.
