Rolled for seduction, Now what?

I promised something more fun today, and what's more fun than a devoted loving sub? I got to warn you though, I worship my sub and this is going to be sweet and corny. I make no apologies but if that's not your speed I get that, honestly ussually it's not mine... Ok thats a lie I'm a hopless romantic but a hopeless romantic that likes ties and paddles. Now any how to the story.  

Yesterday we had a session, she wore that blue dress I absolutely love, The one that gives easy access, and her collar. She kneeled before me and offered herself completely even willing to do that one thing that she doesn't necessarily love but knows I like and willing to do it. (don't worry she was a good girl so I rewarded her.) but when kitten gets like that It melts my heart. If she didn't love impact play so much I may have felt a little bad. But it is her favorite. so, of course, to follow it up she got a spanking. We started with the flogger because she likes that one. then the heavy-duty paddle. Because I like that one. And though she would wince and whimper, she faithfully counted and let me know she was enjoying herself. And then she got her reward. Well mostly I still have to have my fun and if you ask her I'm I enjoy teasing to much. But like I  said she's a good kitten and waits patiently and I love that. I rarely if ever need a strong word or a rough touch (unless she asks) and for me, that's the thrill. seeing her melt with a gentle caress or her response to a soft word. seeing her so eager to please out of love and devotion. And most importantly being able to return that. Because with anyone else I  would not be able to meet the needs. because when she looks at me like that I am completely hers and the only thing I want to do is meet that need she has. 

And her aftercare. Let's be real it's super easy and amazing, She needs water, hydration is important, and cuddles. and holding her after the fact knowing she's mine. that's when things are right in the world. sometimes she feels bad being so clingy in our day today. But honestly, I love it, I love the fact that my kitten is going to demand her attention. when she wants it and curl up next to me even when I'm doing mundane things I love it. And while she rests her head in my lap while I play games I being to think of the next time she's tied down. I absolutely adore my kitten and everything about her. How she looks tied up and with a paddled ass. How she looks curled up in my arms. And how she looks at me while on her knees waiting for instruction. I adore my kitten and with her life makes sense. Being kinky is a core part of who I am, who we are together. We found it together at a critical point in our lives and it's helped to shape us. And honestly, I couldn't be more grateful both for kink and for my kitten.

So my wife and I both have an exhibition fetish which is awesome! My wife is smoking hot and I love to shower her off, it also feeds into my ego of "look how awesome my wife is, you can look, maybe even briefly touch, (if she's cool with it.) But at the end of the night, she's coming home with me." I also would like to show off and be watched, or watch. But one of the issues I run into is consent. We've talked about online stuff and posting seems like a good idea. And for her, it is probably easier than it is for me. Oh, I should warn you before going farther. We're going to get into some hangups that are probably pretty silly, but hey it's my blog and my ramblings so you know there's that. For her, everybody or at least a good number of people are not going to be disappointed to see sexy lady ass and I'm sure there are folks here who specifically look for it. (not judging you do you boo.) but you know if you got used to my cute ramblings about how awesome my sub is or my talk about how barbarians in d&d would be so much cooler using a flogger and than BAM! penis, you may get a little upset. And I get it. I like penis, I really like it but you know there's a time and a place. Not to mention I have a few identifiable tattoos and really would not like to have my nudes ID'd on the internet it seems like I would have to find somewhere else. I mean sure I could mark my blog but at the same time digital exhibition gets messy in my mind, what if someone who didn't want to accidentally see's my pics, I feel like that's stepping over their boundaries. after all you didn't consent to see my penis or my butt, (although I have been told it is a nice butt.) and I can't control who does see the pictures. But at the same time, hey you could be like me and want to see that and would be pleasantly surprised. To be honest. I will probably end up posting something riskier pic wise on here but I can promise I'll overthink it quite a bit if I do. 

Now getting away from the digital aspect and a whole new can of worms. Live exhibition. I want people to watch all kinds of fun things, I want others to participate and I want to watch. But it's not like I can walk over to my neighbor and be like "hey Mr. so and so, want to watch me do weird kinky stuff to my wife?" I mean I could but that's a great way to make class the next day super awkward. Like how do you find people for that? ok, I have a vague idea, back in undergrad it would of been almost uncomfortably easy but now, well there just aren't that many folk all that easy to find out this way. I don't know. Just something I was thinking about all day while my sub pranced around in that cute dress doing cute/sexy things, and thinking. Damn, I wish I could show her off. And thinking damn I'm killing this whole dom thing today. I wish I could show off. But alas no one was around to witness our awesomeness. I know one day this will probably be null as we reach out and make friends and hopefully head back to an area with more folks. But for now, I'm going to keep overthinking everything. I promise that tomorrow's blog post will be something more fun, maybe something about how awesome my sub is at being a sub, or maybe about my new d&d idea, and I'm working on a commander deck that is jokingly named the cat fetish deck. I don't know but it will be more fun than this post. I hope you all have a lovely evening and a kinky quarantine.

So despite the title, I am not a bard, I'm in all honestly probably a cleric or a barbarian, ok ok I'm a cleric if I'm anything but it's hard to beat rage as a game mechanic. But I'm getting off track. I Used to write my wife's poetry, to be more broad I used to write poetry in general. But as I got older and began to explore sex and later kink, I began to write my wife erotic kinky poetry and If I'm being honest, It was pretty terrible, it was cheesy and cliche, but you know what it made her happy, and she enjoyed it. And to be honest it made me happy and I enjoyed it. And I don't really know why I stopped, I'm still an aspiring novelist, at least that's what my twitter bio says, never mind I haven't touched either of my novels in a month. and my poetry was always better than my Prose. I think maybe the poetry came from long distance, I couldn't do anything with or to her so I put that frustration into words. But now that I look at her working on her computer across the room in MY chair. I think that it's just as important if not more important to keep that spark alive. After all one of the first things to bring us together was our love of writing. and even though my poetry, especially my kinky poetry was terrible that's ok. If Kink, in general, has taught me anything it's ok to suck at something and fail and maybe never getting better. Because it's not about tieing the fanciest knot or looking the part, or having the best toys, but finding someone you connect with and can enjoy yourself with and trust completely. And writing terrible poetry hits the nail on the head, because honestly if she can read it and think it's sweet and not laugh me out of the room, then the trust and enjoyment are there. I guess this was just me kinda allowing my train of thought to run its course. So spoiler alert Kitten, when you read this I may or may not be working on something for you and yes it will be terrible but you know, that's half the fun. 

So I've been away awhile mostly because life is kinda lame sometimes and I forgot I had a blog. But with quarantine and my need to always keep exploring and pushing boundaries I realized that I was missing something, well lots of somethings but I missed screaming out into the digital void and every once in awhile getting a reply back. But I have also missed having a kinky community around. I went to undergrad in the middle of nowhere that actually had a pretty active kink community. Unfournetly due to my sub and I being in an LDR and hesitancy to move forward without both of us there I never got involved. Now I'm in the midwest where life is like the food, vanilla, bland not spicy. (ok maybe that's unfair but I'm still upset that I can't get good green chile or fresh jalapenos.) But I digress, My wife and I have been talking about getting more adventuress, maybe bringing in other people or a couple to play with, or just learning and swapping tips. (pun intended). The problem is we live in an area where there is no one that we can easily find who would even be interested in a meet up or even platonically hanging out and talking about kink. And while things are good and fun every good adventurer needs a party, because sure the two of us may be able to adventure and have our fun, but it's better when you can swap stories and share. After all, I haven't picked my kink advanced class yet, mostly because of some help from a more experienced person would help, but also because there is so much to explore and share. I find that having a community that shares your interests also makes them more fun even if it is just to talk and laugh with friends. So we've decided to use this isolation and quarantine to branch out and find people and try and connect more in the community. Also if anyone knows of a kink based TTRPG I think I'd make a killer impact play a barbarian, just a thought.

So I promise this has to do with kink but I had a thought today. I play a lot of tabletop games and almost always I'm the game master the one who runs the game. At first, it was more because there was no one else to do it. But over time even when I was enjoying playing a character I still had to be a GM. Today while I was setting up a play session for my wife I realized I have the same process. Starting out thinking a few days before. getting a tentative plan together evaluating resources and then putting it together so someone else can enjoy my work along with me. For me as a dom the setup matters. We've had quickly thrown together sessions and light bondage as a spur of the moment thing and don't get me wrong They're fun. But when I can plan it out. See her anticipation and carefully execute my plan. I don't know what it is but the set up for me is part of the fun. Laying out what we're going to use, writing down the plan, it all adds to the enjoyment of the session. And when I see how much my sub enjoys it adds to the experience for me. It may be an odd comparison but it did make me realize I need to be more mindful of preparation and not only the benefits of being able to do more complex sessions and incorporate more elements safely than can be allowed for a more spur of the moment thing. But also because I enjoy it more but because my sub enjoys it more. She sees my level of investment go up. I'm less go with the flow and more of a dom because I'm more invested in how the scene goes. It's these little realizations that help me grow as a dom and be better for my sub and myself and get to learn new things about myself not just in kink but in day to day life as well. 

So I honestly get nervous any time I see someone post about aftercare. Are they going to be lamenting not getting enough, complaining about the need for or outright denying it? Or best case an interesting read on the process and challenges of proper aftercare for different subs. well, the good news it's not the first two. Bad news it's not the last one. To be honest I struggle with aftercare but not because I don't find it important. In fact, It can be one of my favorite parts of any session. I am very much a physically affectionate person in sexual/romantic ways and in platonic ways. I'm a big hugger. But my subs needs/wants and my needs/wants afterward can vary. This is for two reasons first off what my sub asks for, wants and needs is fairly simple, cuddles, being reassured and told that she is loved and gorgeous and being fed and given a glass of water. pretty basic stuff. The problem, I always want to do more. "After cuddles what about a bubble bath with your favorite tea and a good book, or maybe a massage to relax those muscles that were bound? No? how about..." you get the idea. And while she's appreciative of my efforts to try and give her more specialized attention all she really wants and needs, is a cup of water, a snack and cuddling while watching the Great British baking show or criminal minds, (mostly because we're in love with Reid) which is like one of my favorite things to do with her. I am all about those cuddles both in a kinky way and outside of the dynamic. Well except after a session. You see my needs differ greatly from time to time. Instead of being my touch-friendly physically affectionate self I need time for just me. Away from kink and away from people. My aftercare tends to be doing the dishes because it gives me a physical action while allowing me to decompress and reflect. And it's not like I don't want her around, I just need to be in my own little world. After a little while, I'm back to my physically affectionate self. Now don't get me wrong I make sure she's taken care of and get's the aftercare she needs but I still find it more difficult sometimes. Thankfully we've talked about it so we are finding ways to get both of our needs met. We cuddle and chat and I reassure her that she's a good kitten and that I enjoyed myself. That I love her and that she's gorgeous. And then when she notices I'm getting uncomfortable and anxious she asks for snacks and water. I get it for her and then she gives me a few minutes to gather myself and my thoughts and cool down from my dom mindset and return to my non-kink self where we then eat snacks and you guessed it watch the great British baking show, or swoon over  Spencer Read together. Is this the ideal result? No of course not, ideally our needs would meet perfectly. But for me, it does show I have the perfect sub. She communicates her needs to me and makes sure they're met while still acknowledging my need as a dom for aftercare and respecting that in a way that allows those needs to be met. And for me, that's what kink is in our relationship, mutual respect, and understanding that our roles both have stresses and needs and that it's about the connection that comes not just from the actual session but the teamwork that goes into making the session successful.

So this week has sucked which ended up impacting our kink life. And you know I get it. I work weird hours and I like to take my time as a dom, setting up a session running through it in my head and then take my time with her the longer and more drawn out the better.  This means when life gets busy and complicated I have a hard time adapting, I mean sure we still use ties and it's still pretty rough but that has become our "vanilla." Normally I would be a lot crankier about this because well I love kink even if it doesn't lead to sex. But this has given me a chance to step back and really reflect on what's good about sex, kink, my Sub (which good is always an understatement) and to have a bit of fun in a way that changes up the dynamic. Without feeling the pressure to be a good Dom and provide a good session that we both enjoy and meet our, physical and emotional needs. I was able to be relax and let loose. And my usually very obedient and eager sub was able to show her bratty side. yeah, we may have been having more "vanilla" sex and less kinky anything but we were also able to laugh and tease each other more and just have fun and be goofy in a way that sometimes the dynamic can distract from. Am I saying I want this all the time? Or I want to change the dynamic permanently? No, I miss it both in and out of our more intimate moments, but it also been a way to remind me what I love about BDSM what I love about physical and intimate relationships and what I love about her both in and out of the dynamic. It's allowed me to realize what I've started taking for granted. And you can bet that the next time we have a session I'm going to appreciate it more and maybe relax and put a little less pressure on it. because for us it's about adventuring and exploring together and when I start to take it to seriously and not allowed to laugh about how ridiculous it all can be from time to time I get in a rut and forget to explore what all kink has to offer us as a couple. I'm going to start trying to do something new simply because it interests us. And if I goof and it's embarrassing well we can laugh at ourselves and try again knowing that there's no real pressure to be the perfect Dom or Sub.