My first munch.
I went to my first munch the other day, what a roller coaster ride of anxiety/nervousness, please let me explain some more.
This is coming from a newbie to the lifestyle of this . I think that I am a average male in to middle of the boat. Iam 58 years average ho hight, weight , hair's a bit long for my age. you get it just a normal guy.
I was told by many to go to muches, to get to know people and to meet people.So that being said . I can take advice and instructions. and follow thru.
So Saturday night munch in st.pete fl., at a bar , outdoor patio was where we where to meet at.
For the whole week I was feeling anxious, nervous etc etc. I was going to by my self going there. I tried to find someone to go with me oh, but it's not like you asked someone at work to go, or in your Social Circle, since I am a newbie, I don't want to go around saying hey would you like to go to a munch a BDSM gathering . I guess you could say I'm in the closet LOL.
So Saturday Night Comes, I am more nervous than ever. I have texting with my confidant, all week, the one person I can tell anything to,who is in the lifestyle,as well. She lives in Brussels, so I couldn't ask her to go. Unfortunately she did not have much experience with it so told me to make the best of it, she said dress nice and be yourself oh, very good advice. It still did not take away the nervousness and anxiety.
So Saturday night I drive down there and check it only driving by just to look so after Two times around the block I say to myself Park the car and go in. So I walk up and, fear takes over , fear of social rejection, what if they don't like? What if they think I'm weird? What if they don't like the way I I'm dressed? What if they don't like what I have to say? What if we don't have anything in common to make small talk about? Excetera excetera excetera..
I chock and go the bar and order some food. even know I'm not hungry. So I sit there and eat my food , then leave feeling sad and disappointed in myself.
So the next day I text my Confidant and Tell her what a failure I was. She said that's okay oh, she says how about if I order you to go would that be easier? I said yes thank you it would be easier, because then I can say that I was ordered to go to a munch,
This is where I feel happy ,the happy, content feeling of having someone tell me to do something that is good for me, and listening to them even if I don't want to do it.
So the next day on Sunday there happen to be another munch of sorts, it meets every two weeks and it's called Sunday fundays,
So I tell her I am following her instructions and going. It took away some of the nervousness and anxiety, it felt good because I was following instructions. That feels good
I feel I have a intimate connection with this woman even though we never met, and it feels good to follow her instructions
So I show up at the bar oh, it happened to be one of the organizers birthday as well. I had text the organisers earlier I told them that I was feeling anxious and nervous ,they said just ask for us and we will show you around. They said get there at 2 before it gets too crowded, so once again I did as I was instructed.
I get there and there is about 10 or 15 people whov knew each other. they introduce me quickly, There were a bunch of games and pinball at the bar, so someone suggested we play a game so about six or seven of us started playing some dice game , it was avgood fun way to break the ice. I ended up meeting a bunch of great people and after a little while felt comfortable in my skin there. Later there were some new people that came in ,I could tell because I was just like them a hour ago. I went over and introduced myself. And welcome them just as the other people have done for me, after a few hours of hanging out laughing and having fun, I went over and said goodbye to a bunch of people especially the organizers oh, they said thanks for coming oh, and did you have fun. I replied yes It was the best I afternoon I had in a long time. And and it was the best afternoon I've had in a long time.
All my fears and expectations had been replaced with good feelings and comfortability.
I Can not wait for the next one
