I'm thinking too much. Terrified yet exhilarated. I'm preparing to venture into my future alone and making big changes in 2024. New home. Possibly a new career. After 25 years I'll finally be free to make choices for myself and the sky is the limit.
Rationally I know I have been on my own for many years and have always managed well. If anything I should be feeling less encumbered- less terrified. But now I see that having the responsibilities of children forced me to get up and go to work, to cook and clean and show up. It made me choose only the best partners, and to leave bad relationships. What will happen now and can I continue on my own, with no little eyes watching my every move? Will I let depression overwhelm me? Will I continue to show up? Will I fly or will I crash and burn? Where has my confidence gone and why do I feel crippled by the very changes I have been longing for?
Maybe this is what a midlife crisis feels like. Yes, tonight I am thinking too much.
