I've always struggled with my self worth and how I see myself, and I get told I shouldn't see myself the way I do but then the things people do or say reinforce those thoughts. I had reconnected with someone and we both wanted the exact same thing. And literally yesterday he was telling me this is all he's ever wanted. But then he ended things today to try and make things work with his ex. He told me that I'm amazing and wonderful and that I shouldn't let anyone else let me think otherwise, but honestly how can I not think that I'm not good enough.
We were making plans for me to move so we could live the life we wanted which to most is very extreme. He bought a collar for me, we had made all of these plans, but now he's just gone. He wanted wanted the extremes and kinks I did, but with the affection and physical touch and love that I want/need.
I really don't know what to do with myself. I work the next 7 days with no day off, in a new position which is stressful and overwhelming all on its own but now I don't know what to do with myself when I'm just at home and Im not ready to have to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay because it's not.
All I can think is that I'm really not good enough, I'm not worth it. That I'll never find what I'm looking for and I don't even want to try anymore, I feel like giving up and just sleep around because clearly that's the only value other people see in me.
I probably didn't say this very well but I need to get it out even though my brain isn't processing things very well right now.
