Truth

trust your gut

trust your emotions

trust your thoughts 

trust things that bring more joy than stress 

trust that you know what is right

trust that you know what isn’t 

trust that you only want the best for yourself 

trust your boundaries, you have them for a reason

trust that you are ready to open yourself up to another

And only then can you begin to trust someone else 

trust the time they offer

trust that they don’t push or pressure

trust the energy they share

trust those that add to your life not take from it

trust that they have your best interest in mind 

trust that they listen to your wants and needs

because without trust there is nothing 

I have realized that in all of the relationships I have ever been in, vanilla or kink, I have never been made to feel that I was enough.

never

attractive enough

skinny enough

smart enough

i have been

good enough to fuck

good enough to hang out with

but not good enough to commit to

not good enough to marry

not good enough to collar

so i guess it is best for me to stay single

because I know I am

enough

and I can’t settle unless I find someone

who feels the same way 

Going through a challenging time right now and I realized that I really miss having a Dom in my life who helps me and supports me and talks me through things with my best interest at heart. I think sometimes we forget about that and the role a good partner can play. And vice versa of course. I think a lot of so called Doms are there for the good stuff, but can’t provide what their partner needs when life gets challenging. Times when kink and sex have to take a back seat to real life. When they are in survival mode and simply need a set of strong arms to hold them and remind them that things will be ok. To remind them to take care of themself. If you have found this, then I believe you are truly blessed. 

I’m impatiently looking for my person. The one that lays claim to my heart, soul, mind and body. It’s frustrating knowing that I have so much to offer to Him, and yet I can’t seem to find Him, or he can’t seem to find me (you know how men are about asking for directions….LOL). I know what I’ve given to then wrong ones, and can only imagine what I will be able to give to the right one. The one who makes me feel safe and cherished while using me for His pleasure. I’ll try and be patient until He comes along. 

You realize that you are an overgiver who doesn’t ask for your needs to be reciprocated.

You realize that you don’t speak up for things that are important to you.

You realize that you don’t let people know when they have hit your emotional limit.

And you feel guilty when you do ask for those things. 

And the reason is the fear that you will be though of as too needy, too much, not worth the time and effort, and not enough. 

😢

Mine…

As you tell me to remove my clothes and stand naked and exposed before you

Mine…

As you tell me to kneel before you

Mine…

As you force yourself between my lips claiming my mouth

Mine…

As the tears flow and I choke

Mine…

As you use my mouth for your pleasure

Mine…

As you tell me to get onto the bed

Mine…

As you fill my ass with the plug that you chose earlier

Mine…

As you run your chosen tool over my body, marking my bottom and legs

Mine…

As you pinch and twist my nipples, drawing fresh tears from my eyes

Mine…

As you ask me who my pussy belongs to

Mine…

As you use me for your pleasure

Mine….

As you give me your cum as a reminder of ownership and reward

Mine…

As you slap my face to bring me back into myself

Mine…

As you sit with me until my shaking stops

Mine…

As you kiss me gently and tell me that I’m your good girl

Ugh……it’s been 24 hours. They are saying it could be anywhere from 5-7 days to get it restored. All the food in my fridge and deep freeze has to be thrown out.

Good thing I was able to pick up extra batteries today.

1. I am not a natural submissive. I have submissive tendencies. But to the right person I will submit naturally.  And I think I could be a slave in the right dynamic, which I never really considered. 
2. I just made my longest drive ever (almost 6 hours) to get dominated and used. 🚙
3. You can absolutely have fun and laugh in the middle of a scene. 
4. When asked how it feels when a butt plug is inserted, “ohhh that’s a bigger one” is apparently not the right answer. 
5. It’s good to really do a deep dive into the words and phrases you use to avoid confusion, and sometimes it reveals a potential fun opportunity for the future. 
6. I am not a masochist, and yet I somehow am wishing I had been beaten more this weekend (yeah that one really has me confused). 
7. My friend has a great deal of patience with me and I really and truly appreciate that. That being said I think he keeps a list in his head of things I should be punished for the next time I see him. 😬 
8. You cannot over exaggerate the need to hydrate especially when dealing with a pleasure Dom.💧
9. I really really like wearing a hood during scenes. 
10. I’m already wishing it was time to see him again. 

My body is just a vessel
A bag of skin and bones, muscles and tendons and organs
I have fat and cellulite and scars
I have a toe on my right foot that is a bit funny
Scoliosis in my back
And medical conditions that make some days harder than others
And to some that is all they see….my body, with all of its flaws and scars, something to use and toss away like last nights leftovers when they are done with it

But dig deeper
Engage my mind and my soul
Ask me about my wants and needs
Watch my eyes sparkle with mischief and glow with love
Celebrate my highest accomplishments and support me in my lowest failures
Allow me to feel soft and safe and secure
And my body will sing and ache for you
My mind will crave your words, your time and your touch.

In doing so you will own something infinitely more valuable than my body

You will own me

Message here briefly for a couple of days

Asks to go to another site to chat - no

Then asks to swap kinky photos - no

When the request is denied you get blocked

Don’tcha just love it? 

Thank goodness my bar for what is acceptable communication and behavior is set pretty high.