I told my Dom friend, we'll call him E (I tell him he's a sexy evil man when he gets me going by text and doesn't let me have an orgasm) that I started a blog and that I wrote my first post. I said it might be too long but I had to give some background. He read it and enjoyed it. He said, "Silly girl, it's not long at all. I love to read, you need to put your feelings out there." I'm used to writing corporate communications, the kind where you write it and edit it several times down to its shortest possible form because senior leaders don't have the mental bandwidth available to absorb more than about 3 facts.
E reminded me that I did a lot of research before starting to chat, and that my blog could help other new subs going through the same process I did. He also suggested some topics and I chose this one. I wanted to share the first time I felt truly submissive outside of sex. From posts and profiles that I've read on here and other sites, the point at which a new sub should truly feel submissive for the first time can be a turning point. It's a point at which some new subs back away. They could be scared, because that feeling can be a little scary as well as wonderful at the same time and maybe they aren't ready. Or perhaps they aren't really submissive beyond sex, and that's the point where they realized that they don't want more than sexy fun with someone who is content to dominate them just in the bedroom. Or they could get defensive and realize that they can't really give up control like they thought they could. So here's my story about the first time I truly felt submissive outside of sex.
You'll notice that I don't call him sir in my story. It's not due to lack of respect - I have the utmost respect for him. It's because I don't yet know what I am, so I don't yet know what to call him - Sir, Master, Daddy?? We've discussed and he tries out names for me as well, but we're in no rush for me to decide. While the destination is admittedly important, enjoying the journey is equally important.
When E and I first began chatting, I knew in my head that I was submissive. I knew that I wanted to submit sexually, but I also had a feeling that I would need more than a bedroom only type of submission. I wanted to be able to let go of my worries, work stress, etc. when I was away from my work.
We chatted almost every evening, first by email. We got to know each other, and E encouraged me to share my sexual fantasies. I shared, he made me feel that I was normal, and we kept chatting. We chatted about submission, about sex - I needed some Sex Ed 101 so we discussed my history, he walked me through some things about my body. He helped me let go of past trauma that I was ready to get rid of, and I gave him control of my orgasms - one night I just asked him if he had any instruction for me and that just turned into a nightly thing. Trust was built, and I enjoyed the sexual side of submission.
Shortly after our first meeting, I had a a really rough day at work, and then my ex called to tell me he had a raging case of covid - 2 days after he showed up at my place to pick up some stuff. I ended up running him to the ER and dropping him off.
I went home and messaged E. I said something like "I'm really stressed out and I need you to distract me." We went back and forth by text for a little bit and I suggested what I needed from him. He told me to practice the slave positions that he had sent me, spending 4 or 5 minutes in each position, contemplating my servitude. Then when he got home he messaged me again. He wanted to chastise me a little and wanted to know if I knew why. My first response was related to letting my ex get into my head again, but that wasn't it. Right then I realized it, just as he texted me to ask if I had heard of "topping from the bottom." I felt awful. I realized that I had demanded that he help me with my stress instead of asking politely. I apologized and explained what I had done and that it was wrong. E told me that it wasn't my place to decide what I needed, it was his decision to make, and he would decide what was needed or appropriate for the situation.
He said it wasn't a huge transgression, but he wanted to catch it early and give me something to think about. But it was HUGE for me! I was disappointed in myself for making a mistake. But when he corrected me, I felt the rightness of that. It was good that I knew what I had done, but it was HIS place to correct me. It was HIS place to guide me in my submission. I felt it in the pit of my stomach and wished that he was closer so that I could kneel at his feet, rest my head on his knee, and feel his hand on my head. As a grown woman, welcoming that correction and taking it to heart was a turning point for me.
But instead of feeling fear and becoming defensive, I took a breath, and let the submission fill me. At this moment it was no longer about fun and games. It was no longer just about sex. It was true submission, and it was real! Regardless of the length or relative seriousness of our relationship, I respected and trusted this man enough to want to submit to him outside of all of the sexy evenings we had been having so far.
I also realized that E cared enough to correct me. That's a sign of a good Dom, that he doesn't just ignore my transgressions just because he's having fun winding me up sexually. He was truly interested in teaching me, and I knew then that I was truly interested in submitting to him.
We kept chatting by text and I asked him how I should handle it in the future when I was struggling. He said just tell him that I'm struggling. I said, you'll know what I need? He said yes, a Dom or Master will know what his sub needs. Honestly that was a relief. It's not second nature to give up control outside of sex when you've been running the show your whole life. But now I know that I welcome it.
E reassured me that it wasn't a major transgression, simply my first and he couldn't let it go because I needed to learn. But he asked me, if I was there with him, and he felt that it warranted a punishment, would I submit? Would I get the paddle if he ordered me too, and bend over the bed? I shivered, and said yes. Yes I would.
E gave me what I needed that night. Not just orgasms, but a deep feeling of submissiveness that resonated in my soul.