I first started communicating with E towards the end of June, shortly after I joined this site. I had been researching BDSM for months and finally decided to take the plunge and make myself visible, though without pictures. I immediately began to receive emails from an assortment of dominant types. Before deciding whether I would answer each one, I took a look at their profile.
Red flags anyone?? Yeah there were a few. Profiles that talked about just wanting a woman who would OBEY, or talking about how much of an alpha male they were and how they didn’t need to know anything about BDSM because they were just naturally dominant. Umm, I’m not a doormat, and if I’m going to invite a guide along on this lovely carnival ride I’d like for him to know more than I do. Oh and the ranting profile – those are very common on vanilla dating sites as well. I prefer a man who can keep his sense of humor and not come off like a bitter jerk in his profile.
A few profiles were actually in the “seems ok” category, so I responded to those to see what would happen. It was pretty nerve-wracking as a newbie waiting to see what happened next!
I went back and read E’s profile again while I waited for responses. His was the best of the ones that I read, for several reasons:
- He had a lot to say. He was open about his history with BDSM, and was very descriptive about what he felt made a good dominant – bonus points also for describing what he felt submission was and how to recognize it.
- He didn’t sound like an angry creeper with an axe to grind – the things he felt made a good dominant all made sense to me, and seemed to match up with my prior research:
- Courtesy
- Respect
- Honesty
- Knowledge
- Integrity
- And the list went on, but all good stuff
Ding! Got a reply 10 minutes later. I got a few responses from the other Doms I messaged as well but I didn’t get that good a feeling from them, some wanted to move too fast, others wanted to talk sex right away, etc. One thing I was SURE of was that I didn’t want to jump into a serious relationship since I was just coming out of one.
I was open to seeing someone in real life, but I was hoping for more of a guide/mentor/Dom with benefits that would help me learn about submission, and how I identified in this new, crazy, wonderful world I had found. I’ve read differing opinions on mentors on many sites, some would argue that a mentor should be another sub, not a Dom. But where’s the fun in that?? I mean sexy fun is definitely part of it for me, and my libido turned on with a VENGEANCE once I got the narcissist out of my life. I’m pretty sure a puff of dust came out of my cooch, like the door creaking open or something when I was finally free.
In chatting by email with E, he seemed to be a good fit, as he wasn’t looking for serious either and enjoyed being a friend and mentor to new subs. So we kept chatting. He made me feel very comfortable and safe as we chatted more and more. I currently have 18 pages of email conversation history between us on this site if that tells you anything. We talked at length about submission, about sex, and just about life in general – we started to get to know each other. And we’re still getting to know each other, it’s so much fun!
About a week in, I sent a face pic. He had asked, very politely, and made it clear that it was totally my choice. His photo was on his profile, so I already knew what he looked like. No, not what his dick looked like, his actual face.
Another week in, and we started talking about erotic hypnosis, which is something that E likes, and was something I did not know much about. He sent me an assortment of videos as examples, and I watched them. It looked interesting, and I started thinking about how much I would love to orgasm on command – seriously?? It was hard to believe when my ex and every other man I had been with had needed a solid 20 minutes of clit stimulation to get me to orgasm, if they were lucky.
Not one of them would talk dirty, or just talk, or try in any way to keep me in the moment – just their very presence and a finger on my clit was supposed to make me hot enough to come. Meanwhile on a good day, I’d be off in my head fantasizing, and I might get there eventually. On a bad day? Well, I’d add a few things to the running grocery list in my head and then eventually tell him it wasn’t gonna happen and did he want to just get off? Very sad, I know. So hypnosis was a big yes for me, I really wanted to try it.
E asked me to start thinking about the best orgasms that I had ever had, since I would need those memories for the hypnosis when we eventually met. Ummm, yeah not much to choose from there with my lackluster sexual history. So he helped me out there since I had started asking him how I should make myself cum each night. Oh boy did I love the sexy suggestions! I started having very intense orgasms, largely due to the fact that he was using my MIND to get to my sexy side.
What else was I interested in? I had filled out the BDSM checklist on the site and made it public on my profile. While it was sometimes hard to get the words out, I had decided when I put my profile out there that I would try to be as open as possible. You can’t get what you don’t, or won’t ask for, right? We chatted about LOTS of things, but spanking was something I was really interested in, along with impact play in general.
So we had a couple of things, and worked on a few more. E sent me to the toy store (yes sex toy store lol) one night to find something that interested me, since my collection of toys was minimal. I came home with a remote control vibrator that was meant to be inserted and would vibrate against my g-spot if I had it in right, as well as a butt plug that turned out to be a challenge to put in – I swear it looked smaller at the store!
NOW we’ll talk about the g-spot. I didn’t get to use my new toy right away, because E asked me if I had ever had a g-spot orgasm, and my answer was NO, I had never found my g-spot. Was he sure that I had one? Did that really exist??? He laughed at me (over email) and said yes, you have one, and I’d love to find it for you. Ummmm, yes please??? So he didn’t want me to find it with my new toy, he wanted to save that for when we met.
Okay now, I’m sure you’ve all read about safety protocols, you don’t do anything sexy like at your first meeting, just talk and get to know each other, make sure he exists, he isn’t a serial killer (not sure how you do that because they usually seem like the guy next door) and all that.
However, we are both adults, with lives and jobs and multiple pets, so it’s hard to get away for more than a half-day without having find a dog sitter and all that. E lives on the other side of the state and it’s a 4 hour drive between us. And I felt that we had built up enough trust to actually play a little when we finally got to meet.
E waited for me to initiate the process of deciding when to meet up. We had discussed it but he wanted me to feel safe, so he let me drive the interaction and decide when and where. When was a Sunday, and where was first in public – we would meet for lunch – and then my house, for our chosen fun stuff.
Hypnosis and spanking were on the list, as well as showing me what it felt like to wear a collar. And if I felt good after that, then we might see about finding my g-spot.
So we finally met!
We met at a local restaurant. E had told me to wear something that would allow me to put in a vibrator or a butt plug AT THE TABLE if the opportunity arose, so I put on a peasant style dress with no panties (no bra either) and put my necessities in my purse. To be clear, I could have refused, but I looked at it as a fun challenge. So in nothing but my dress and a pair of sandals, I drove up to town to meet him. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for my nervous self) the restaurant was too busy for any shenanigans. In the parking lot I got out of my car and he hugged me. I say he hugged me because I’ve never been a hugger, which is something that is changing. He’s much taller than I am, like 6’3” to my 5’4”. I’ve never dated a big man before but I didn’t feel threatened, just small, which was nice. He didn’t try to grab my ass or anything like that, it was just a simple hug.
We at our food and talked, and then when we left E asked if I still wanted to go back to my house. I said yes. He walked me to my car, then went back to his car for something, and came back with a pretty silver collar in his hands! Oh wow that was a moment, I had been wanting to know how it felt to wear one. He put it around my neck and locked it. He smiled, and then followed me home.
I drove home, feeling the collar a lot as I made the 10 minute journey back to my house in the country. It felt weird, but exciting as well to wear a collar that this Dom had put on me. For the rest of the afternoon, I was his to play with - that gave me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I loved.
Once we were back at my house, I followed protocol and sent my sister his info, along with a pic of him, his car, and license plate, and made arrangements to call in 2 hours to assure her that I was not dead. Then we went inside. I introduced him to my dogs (I have 3) and showed him around. We were standing out on the back deck talking about how pretty and peaceful it was and then he looked at me, and reached out and tweaked a nipple, watching my reaction. I gasped and looked at him, my eyes probably telegraphing how excited I was lol. Newbies, right? We get worked up so easily especially when our past sex life was more like the Sahara desert than a lush tropical rainforest teeming with life. E smirked and invited me to go back inside and start on the hypnosis. AND he made sure I knew my safe word – we used stoplight colors since they’re easy to remember.
He put me under in my recliner in the living room. I don’t remember a lot of that of course, that’s kind of the point. But I DO remember when I came out of it, he texted me the word CUM. I looked at him in shock, eyes wide probably as I had an orgasm without any sort of physical stimulation! Oh wow. He had given me a few commands, and made it so he could give the commands either verbally or over text. I know some people don’t believe that erotic hypnosis works, but damn I sure do believe it now. Wanting it to work is half the battle, you need to be open to it.
After the hypnosis, he had me roll over in the recliner so that he could try out a bit of spanking. E had me raise my dress, and then NOT LOOK as he wanted to surprise me with it. And he did! I surprised him too because he gave me a couple of good firm smacks and I giggled each time. Yep, had no idea that was gonna happen. Me, giggle at pain? Ok I get mad sometimes when I hurt myself but I never thought that intentional pain would make me giggle. Admittedly he wasn’t trying to make me cry or anything but still, it was a shock. He took a small flogger out of his bag then and tried it out.
More giggles. He hit a bit harder, and then in more tender places. I cried out a bit, but still giggled after. So we’ll say impact play is a yes then. I decided to move us to the bedroom – again, E made me initiate that, he wasn’t going to push anything. He also stated that he did not plan to have sex with me, as we agreed, and that he was keeping his clothes on.
I’m pretty sure that my dress ended up around my neck after that and I realized that I really LOVED the feeling of me being naked (effectively) and him being clothed. Talk about shivers, yumm! It made me feel VERY submissive.
We laid across my bed (channeling that old song here, Lay Lady Lay as I think about it now) and he spanked me some more. He spanked my ass, then spanked my inner thighs, my breasts, my pussy. I enjoyed it all.
At one point he spanked my bottom for a long time, then pinched it until I started to cry a little, which was something that I had been hoping for. I had told him that I hadn’t cried in months, through all the cancer treatment and divorce crap (you learn not to cry with a narcissist around because your pain doesn’t fucking matter and can be used against you.) So he knew that I was pent up and that I needed to cry. He cuddled me while I let some tears out, it was really lovely. That night turned me into a big fan of cuddles, I crave them now where I was not at all touchy before.
Finally we got around to my g-spot. E had already had his big hands all over me – I discovered I love big hands, wow – and my pussy was wet and begging for his touch. He dragged his fingers through the wetness, then looked at my face as he pushed a couple of fingers inside me. I’m tight, never had kids and I’m not a big girl, so yeah. He curled his fingers up and watched me as he found that spot, that wonderful spot! He told me to cum, and oh my god did I ever! Shaking, crying out so long and loud, thrusting my hips up against his hand, I came for what felt like forever. He said, “There’s your g-spot, little one. What do you think?” I laughed as I continued to clench around his fingers. “Oh my god that is amazing, I can’t believe I never found that before, thank you!” E then put me under again and added a new command to the collection of hypnotic triggers.
We cuddled a while longer, but the real world intruded. E had to release me from the collar, I had to take care of my animals, he had to go back across the state. But before he left, he texted me another command. G SPOT ORGASM it said. And oh my god, it’s still my favorite command out of them all. I get this image in my head of his fingers inside me, curling up against my g-spot as he looks into my eyes and says, quietly but forcefully “Cum.”
Obviously I chose wisely. You can see the theme here, E made sure I felt comfortable with him before moving to the next level whether in communication or in person. That is my advice to anyone else starting out, find the guy with those qualities that I listed earlier – respect, honesty, integrity, courtesy, etc.
I’m really looking forward to meeting again soon. I want to explore the submissive feelings a lot more, want to kneel for him. It’s become a visceral need inside of me. And as E said in his profile, submission is inspired, not demanded. He inspires that in me. And sex, oh yes please. Give me some of that. Or lots of that, or whatever we have time for.
Have a lovely evening friends. Hope you enjoyed my story.