This will be a short one, just want to share my feelings since I'm getting so close to visiting E tomorrow, it's only our second meeting. By this time tomorrow I'll be in his capable hands, letting him guide me in my journey IRL for 24 hours. I'm both nervous and excited. I just finished work for the day and I'll spend my evening packing my things for tomorrow - a few clothes, toiletries, and the toys that I've purchased since I've known E. Lol my toy drawer was shamefully bare before I met him.
Tonight I'm needy, both in a sexual and a submissive way. I crave his confident touch and want to kneel at his feet and let the outside world fall away. I trust him to know what I need, and to give it to me. He understands my needs as we've talked so much about them in addition to playing long distance as we can. My blog posts have also helped him understand what makes me tick, and how I feel about submission as it relates to me. It's not that I haven't told him things, it's more that posts bring it all together for him and maybe make a few additional points that I hadn't thought about until I wrote them.
E's going to have fun with me tonight, winding me up to see if he can make me orgasm without permission - then a punishment spanking could be part of my weekend. Not that impact play isn't already part of the weekend and he doesn't need an excuse to spank me, but a punishment spanking is different - a different tone, shall we say. The crying might be good for me since I still struggle with releasing my emotions that way but ouch! We'll see if I can avoid that tonight. Will be a battle for sure.
I need this weekend almost more than I can say. I don't think I could do 100% online D/s, I really need the physical touch as well as the texts, emails, and Facetime calls.
This year has been a true reset for me. I went through cancer treatment, divorced a man that treated me badly, and have been working hard on myself to be healthier, fitter, and happier all around. The journey so far has not been too difficult because I've kept a strong emotional base even through the hard times, and I was truly ready for the changes. I'm not becoming someone else, just becoming the person I was always meant to be.
This weekend, god, this weekend. I'm going to be excited and so nervous when I walk through his door. Submitting to him in person will be a shock to my system, both mentally and physically, and it should be! It's like a system reset, but more of a continuation of the work that I've done so far to try to become my most true self. Tomorrow I'll be gaining another piece of myself. It's like the stiff uptight part of me that had to be in charge and hold down the fort for so long is finally going to crack, and then shatter into a million pieces. Behind that façade it's just me. I can't wait for that feeling of submission to roll through me like a tidal wave and bring down that wall.
Hope you all have a lovely evening.