E and I talked about roles in a relationship recently and about how a man and a woman in a relationship each have their role. He said that they do what they are suited to do, or at least they should lol.
In the work world, E and I both believe in equal pay for equal work. I work in an office, and I should be paid as much as a man with the same experience doing the same job.
With some jobs there might be other considerations - for instance, if you want to be a firefighter, you have to pass the physical tests as well as learning tests. As a 5'4" woman, I know that I'm not able to handle a 100 pound ladder, or carry an unconscious man out of a burning building. If there are women that can and want to fight fires, great! But it's not a good thing to lower physical standards for the sole reason of being more inclusive. This is my opinion people, we are all entitled to one, right?
I also speak from past experience. In my late 20's/early 30's, I worked in transportation. I drove a cargo van and delivered packages, drove a forklift, and threw freight on the dock. After 5 years and 2 trips through physical therapy, they told me that I was too small to keep doing the job. I got into insurance and have been there ever since. My shoulder joints still feel the effects of those years.
My idiot ex was good for nothing so I've gotten used to doing everything myself. I had to take on both roles in our relationship. I had to put myself in the mindset of SUCK IT UP AND DO IT just to survive lol.
Change the oil, mow the lawn, weed eat, fix the koi pond (try anyway,) clean the house, do the laundry, clean the duck house - I did what I had to do, and still do now that I'm on my own. (E is across the state so he can't realistically help me.)
I had the marvelous epiphany after our conversation that wow, in some future relationship I could actually work and have the incredible luxury of JUST DOING THE DOMESTIC CHORES!!! This honestly makes me wanna cry a little.
Of course I thought about this all weekend while cementing 4x4 corner posts, sinking T-posts, and running wire fencing for the duck pen I need to finish before I go on vacation. I am exhausted today and my bruises are coming in nicely, thank you. Domestic chores? Well, I've named the spider that lives in the corner of my sunroom window. Frankie pops out to chat in the afternoons. (I like snakes too. Louise the Larger lives out in my yard.)
When I pictured women who only have to do the domestic chores, I realized that I was stereotyping, and that's why I wasn't really comfortable at first with the thought of being the woman who takes care of the house while the man takes care of the outside chores.
When I picture a woman who just does the domestic stuff, I picture some of the women that I know. They work, and tend to spend a lot of money on clothes and purses and stuff, and they can shop and/or talk about shopping for a long time. They like to gossip, read People, and watch reality shows. Uggghhh I like them but I can't relate.
They're the kind of women who MIGHT go for a short hike, in expensive exercise gear of course, but they would talk the entire time (my pet peeve, people who won't STFU while hiking.) It's not that there is anything WRONG with these women, I've just always been different.
I guess my fear was that I'd end up with a man who expects me to be like those women because I want to be in that woman role. I needed to insert my own personal weirdness and create my own view of me in the woman role in a relationship.
Here is who I am:
- I LOVE to hike and I need as much forest time as I can reasonably get
- My towels don't match my bath and they're probably 15 years old - they still dry, so I don't care
- I love to hang clothes to dry outside, especially sheets - they smell so good!
- My home decor consists of black and white photos, random things like vintage marbles, things I've picked up on trips, and lots of peaceful empty space
- Stores are full of stuff I don't need - the thought of walking into Bed, Bath, and Beyond gives me hives
- Clothes shopping can be fun in small amounts - I enjoy it but I get overwhelmed easily
- I love to be sexy for my Master: shaved pussy, makeup, lingerie, etc. - but I'm not the "high maintenance" type overall
- I'm allergic to reality TV
- I will WORSHIP the man who builds me a darkroom for my black and white photography equipment
- I never have enough bookshelves for my books - and I'm always bringing home more
- I'm a better baker than a cook
- I love to knead bread by hand - I used to use my stand mixer for that but as I get older, I enjoy the process as much as the end result
- I like to learn new things - I'm currently taking singing lessons
- I purposely bought a stick shift car because it's fun to drive
- I love to be silly - I wrote a poem poking a bit of fun at myself as a silly slave resume - see former writing
I boiled all this down to me in a nutshell outside of work: Bookworm, curious, LIVES for hiking, loves feeling sexy. NOT driven by acquisition of stuff, loves road trips, likes to do old fashioned things like hang out laundry and knead bread by hand. Amateur photographer. Likes to keep a comfortable, peaceful, and uncluttered home. Slave who NEEDS to obey and serve. Silly girl who loves to laugh. Peaceful inside. Lover of a simpler life.
This is the woman I am and the person I bring to the slave role. Hopefully, someday when I'm looking, I'll find someone compatible with all that. We all have our own weirdness, just have to find someone else whose weirdness fits with ours. I'm not better or worse than any other woman or slave, I'm just me.
I love finding my way. It really is a process.