Ramblings

TreasureMe​(sub female){Sanguine} - I personally would prefer being with someone who is snipped, simply because I don't want more children. I'd rather we just get to enjoy each other without worries of something happening that we're not wanting or are ready for.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I can completely understand that thought process, but then what if you decide you do want a child? Do you then just suck it up and go on with the person? Do you grow resentful? Do you end the relationship to find someone else? What is the thought process?

TreasureMe​(sub female){Sanguine} - Having biological children isn't the only method of growing your family. But I also highly doubt I'd change my mind lol. I've felt this way for quite a few years now. I'm in my mid-thirties and my son is 8 years old. Nothing about starting over interests me. What interests me at this point in my life is being the best mom I can, while chasing my dreams and making memories.

But...if my partner so happened to change his mind, that's something to be discussed. Everything should be a conversation. It doesn't mean I'll change my mind though, just because he did. We could be left with him suddenly wanting children while I don't. And yes, something like that can make or break the relationship. I can't speak on whether I'd feel resentment or not, because I've never experienced that. I just know that resentment can occur, depending on the specifics of how everything is handled.

But no, there's no "sucking it up" to have another child. Both people should be sure and in desire of it. If not, the baby will suffer for it and their innocent little selves shouldn't have to suffer for their parent's choices. Not even a little bit if it can be avoided.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Valid points! And sorry for not being clear, but on the sucking up part I was meaning of going forward without having children, my fault lol

TreasureMe​(sub female){Sanguine} - Aah yes. No worries. In that case...absolutely you just have to suck it up lol. Plus the reality is that partners who have differing views on having children, always affects the relationship to some degree. You could suck it up and still end up breaking up.

I'm personally always upfront about this when I speak to someone new and there's interest between us. I think it's only right that he gets to make an informed decision to be with me, knowing I don't want more babies.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I can agree with things still going south, happens all the time. I also, as a guy, appreciate being up front about the personal beliefs. Me in the past I didn't care. I'd be fine with or without. But after what I have recently gone through that I mentioned above, my mindset has changed lol

TreasureMe​(sub female){Sanguine} - Oh I bet. Manipulative people can really mess things up. I'm sorry that was your experience but it's a good thing to consider for yourself.

To snip or not to snip? That is the question.

SlothForce1​(dom male) - I've considered getting this done myself and I've done a bunch of research on it as well. I think a common misconception that gets repeated to younger men is "you can always get it reversed." This is untrue, as the longer you wait before getting the vasectomy reversed, the less likely it is to work. Sources I've found say that the likelihood of a reversal being effective is less than half between 9-14 years after the initial procedure. So if you're 25 when you are snipped, and decide you want kids when you're 34, it's a flip of a coin on whether or not the procedure will be effective. I think a good mentality going in to it, is to view it as a permanent procedure, rather than something that can be easily reversed if you change your mind. Shoutout to the OP for bringing this up as well. There's been data showing vasectomies have become increasingly popular in the US, so having these sorts of discussions will be important for anyone else thinking about having one.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I personally am aware this would be permanent for me lol! And yes, definitely a good discussion for knowledge, thank you!

B L O N D I E​(sub female) - I personally wouldn't care if a guy was snipped because I've already had kids and I don't want any more of them. I don't think you would find a woman around your age who isn't prepared to spend the rest of her life not having any more kids. It's what we all expect and I think plenty of women would totally respect your decision.

HEMI​(dom male) - I was snipped at the age of 20 several decades ago and have had no physical matters of concern during the ensuing years. However upon reflection I now realize that I probably did myself a disservice by not having more children.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Thank you for sharing your experience! I can see how that potential for regret could arise from having the procedure at such a young age.

HEMI​(dom male) - Even at your age I would be hesitant now, as kids are our legacy to the future. A nearly aborted child of mine is now a pediatrician. Unrestrained hedonism is in many respects its own punishment. I have not read your profile - are you a Buddhist? If so, what are the philosophical considerations from the perspective of Buddha in this regard?

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I already have 2 children, so I'm good on that. I'm glad you asked that question! Buddha was against abortion wholeheartedly, but he was not against contraception of any sort, but he advocated for chastity. Great question!

HEMI​(dom male) - I have 2 kids (grown of course) and was good with it as you now are. How will you think in 20 years? Did Buddha specifically address contraception?

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - In 20 years I'll still be good lol! I cannot tell you which sutra it is in, was a long-winded one, but yes he did. In his opinion, and what he taught (based on the knowledge of the time and the country), contraception was acceptable because it did not kill life per se like abortion. But sex itself was an attachment that led to suffering and should be avoided (in all forms) to do away with suffering.

RuleMaker​(dom male) - Sperm count drops dramatically after age 40. My guess is you don’t need it, but there are home testing kits you can order that will tell you. It’s also important to know that post-vasectomy pregnancies do happen. They are rare, but nothing is 100%

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Hmmm....that's good information, and something to look into. Thank you!

sexycurves​(switch female) - My ex had the snip. He was sore for about a week but there was no change in appearance or otherwise.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Thank you for the information!!