I love reading. It helps me put words to feelings I never understood before. A book I really resonated with this weekend is called "There is no Devil". Below are the quotes I highlighted:
"I want you obsessed with me, bound to me, dependent on me. I want you to live for me, not just with me.”
I always told myself I was strong and independent, that I could take care of myself.
“What does it feel like?”“It feels like I’ll do anything for you. Jump off a bridge for you, turn myself inside out for you. It feels like madness, and I never want it to end.” Cole considers this, his dark eyes roaming over my face. “Then I must be in love,” he says. “Because that’s what I feel, too.”
I’ve never enjoyed compliments as much as Cole’s. Men have always told me I was pretty, but that’s the blandest of tributes. It says nothing about me as a person.
There are so many things that I could say about these quotes...just reading them again makes my heart ache and tears well up. I want these things. I feel these things. And some of these books bring up a good point about what is healthy? If I told my therapist that I would want to be completely consumed by someone. I'd want them to pick out my food, my clothes, not because they want to control me but because it makes them happy that I'd submit to them. To look at me and be happy that I'm gave into them...she might say that that isn't healthy. I want to live for someone. I want them to be my reason for breathing. I want to that love, that connection to drown me. That can't be healthy but i don't seem to care.
