Every night, before I go to sleep, I pray to the Marys - both of them, Virgin and Magdalene. It goes something along the lines of this:
“Holy Mothers, thank you for watching over me today. Thank you for stopping me from making an ass of myself when I’m certain there were many times I was on the verge of it. Please send me a Mommy Domme soon. May she be kind, caring, loving, affectionate, with a good sense of humour, kinda strict but not too much, understanding, good at communicating, patient, likes sex, totally into D/s, wants to participate in the community, wants to travel to leather events. If it’s not going to happen, I understand, please just give me a sign.”
I’m trying the soft sell first - I’m keeping my options open - but if it doesn’t look like there are any results from my efforts, and no signs saying that it is futile and I should just stop asking, I think I’m going to have to show up at church and light some candles - and by some, I mean burn the MOFO house down - and flip them a $20 in the process.
I keep saying Domme, but if I found a Daddy Dom who was a gentleman - which is rare, more likely impossible - who wanted more than online play or just a blow job on demand, I would be pretty happy.
While this is going on, I have a slow burning loathing in the back of my mind for all the shitty ass subs I keep hearing about. Like just the other day, my Domme friend told me about the time she punished her sub for being mouthy, by sticking her in the corner for a fixed amount of time, with a clothes pin on her tongue. Her sub then responded by not speaking to my Domme friend for three days - WTAF?!?!?
I said, “You know, if I had a Domme that loved me enough, and had the balls to do that, I would be in fucking heaven. I’d give my right arm for that!”
Because as it is, no one gives a rat’s ass if I’m mouthy, if I go to bed at a good time, if I take my pills, floss my teeth, drink enough water, fold my clothes - and truly, what I wouldn’t give for that. I’d fucking give my left ovary - which really isn’t much of a sacrifice to be honest, I mean, I’m not really doing much with it - for someone to give a shit about that, other than my inner Domme.
I sit thinking about all these subs that I have known who are just complete assholes, and yet, they have attracted awesome Dom/mes. How does that even fucking happen - I mean seriously - come on! They just shit on the dynamics they have, or take them for granted, and when the relationship ends, the Dom/mes are either so scarred they leave the lifestyle, or they never want a sub of that gender again, or their confidence is shattered, or something.
Thanks fucker! Do you know how many subs are out there who are sincere, and would want to treat a good Dom/me like freaking royalty, or like they are a precious jewel? Do you know what I wouldn’t give to be able to have a Dom/me to make breakfast in bed for, to run a bath for, to do the shopping for, to buy shoes for, to cut flowers from my rose trees for?
Do you know what I wouldn’t give to be able to say to my Dom/me “Mistress (or Master), where in the world would you like to live for the next 3 to 5 years?”
But no, that Dom/me you just hurt so badly that they might never engage in a dynamic again, got you - you selfish, knuckle dragging, troglodyte, arrogant, hot headed, short tempered, lazy, son of a motherfucking bitch shithead. It was all about you, your needs, what you wanted, someone dancing to your tune.
Fuck you and your unwillingness to communicate.
Fuck you and your whining.
Fuck you and your unreasonable, one sided demands.
Fuck you and your cheating.
Fuck you and your underhanded scheming.
Fuck you and your hiding behind your masks.
Fuck you and your withholding love.
Fuck you and your lying.
Fuck you and your ultimatums.
I wish I had the courage to track these fuckers down, and shit on their front porch.
Maybe I’m praying to the wrong people - perhaps I need to start knocking on Satan’s door - I have a soul to sell, I’m not doing much with it.
