There's an ongoing Forum thread about whether Online or In Person D/s is preferred. I've posted my feeling there (online is more a necessity for some, than an either-or-choice).
Recently I was asked by a new member sub: "So, how does online work for you. and what do you get out of it?"
Good newbie question. Got me thinking, since after more than a decade as an online Dom, I hardly ever consider the 'how' and 'why' of it. It is my life.
The 'why' of it is easy--arousal, friendship, cherishing a sub, helping her find calm, and growth. Then seeing initial 'play' turn into a real relationship, with real emotions, ups and downs, lending and receiving a hand. A sub or a Little can blossom right before your eyes, an incredible turn-on to feel trust growing, and guarded acceptance become a meaningful relationship. This doesn't only happen in person, contrary to the opinions of some. It is just less instantaneous, and maybe a little more difficult in the distance world of online.
The 'how' of it?--Ah, not so easy to describe. Every Dom's approach is different, ranging from ham-handedly boorish to almost gently considerate. Some play manipulative, hurtful mindfuck games, using silence and belittlement as cudgels. Some are too sweet, skirting the vanilla world their sub or Little seeks to escape. Some fluctuate between these extremes, seeking balance.
Some use only bedroom scenes and sex in their Domming. Some try to be a part of the sub's other life. For me, it is the challenge of finding and using the most ordinary office or home and kitchen items as sexual implements. I enjoy the full range from bobby pins to kitchen tongs, Sharpies to Scrubbies. So the hows also can run a whole variety of actions, and be blended into the sub's other life for a meaningful relationship.
I'm still not sure how to answer the newbie question. All I know is that I am most alive and fulfilled and whole when I am directing a Subbie or a Little in something inventive which will arouse her, bring her calm centering...Or just perhaps help her grow as a woman, contributing to her becoming her best self.
Got me wondering how other online Doms might answer this question, if it were asked of them?
