Along the way, and particularly of late, I have been in conversations with subs/ friends/ confidants who have been badly mistreated by various Doms, some here and some not. To be clear, hardly ANY of these mistreatments have been physical. Instead, they have been mental and emotional sadism.
What am I talking about? Well, for starters, the sort of slow drawing away, a kind of slow-motion ghosting is one thread. Subs might invest months, a year even, trying to build a relationship, only to feel their Doms drawing back --not saying so, but slowly being in contact less, or less deeply. It is the tendency of these subs to redouble their efforts , to push to find a magic key to revitalize the relationship. From where I sit, this almost never works, but does almost always prolong the agonized suffering of the pending rejection. These Doms (I have no knowledge of their side of the story) SEEM to want it both ways --they are emotionally done with this sub, BUT might want to string her along as The Other Woman, perhaps. Or they just are too cowardly to just tell her the truth and depart honorably.
The there are the Doms who use silence as a weapon, coming and departing, leaving their sub totally confused, not knowing what they might have done wrong.
A few Doms seem highly skilled at making their subs believe everything wrong is the sub's own fault. This shreds her self-image and can cause long term emotional distress.
So what is my point? Sure , there are shit-heels in the Cage, as in every other site. Caveat emptor, and all that. BUT....
My point is that there seems more wreckage being created now than even a couple years back. So much so, that doing emotional triage is now a part of many--most?--new relationships, before things can move along to exploring any power exchange. Yet there are few threads in common play here about how best to conduct this emotional damage control on wounded birds.
I've been trying to assist, gently if possible, with quite a bit of it lately. Some with subs, or potential subs, and some just with those I correspond with. But I wish I could feel that I was doing a better job of it....Such a widespread thing--a battlefield almost of damaged or hurt or withdrawing people.
If we have professionals in this sort of thing here in the Cage, I would love to get a tutorial on this whole subject....
Thanks for reading.....
