Tersely Pertinent

"Silvia, I need you to be here with me right now."

Matt's words brought Silvia out of her reverry!  Here she was thinking about her past with Him when He was right here in front of her!   Fuck, Silvia though, I'm failing Him already.  

Her eyes focused back on Matt.    He was leaning forward with His hand across the table, palm up.  Like a small child who knows they have done wrong, Silvia slowly placed her hand in His.  Matt very gently closed his fingers around the back of hand.   Slightly tugging her toward Him, Matt looked Silvia in the eyes and said "What I am about to say is very important.  Probably the most important thing I will ever say to you.   So pay close attention." 

Releasing her hand, Matt once again sat back in the chair.   But He didn't say anything.    He pursed his lips and then again got that half smile.  Silvia sat there and watched him not say anything.    Nothing.    Maybe His breathing got a little deeper, but still nothing.    A single thought ran laps around Silvia's brain: He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! 

Matt set his cup on the table and began to speak:

"Silvia, within the lifestyle, there are many, many different philosophies. When I started this, a good number of years ago,  there was really only one.  But like all life, it has gone through and evolution and split off and gone off in many directions.    However, I have never changed the way I do things.   I am hard, and strict and, can be cruel.   But I am also loving, caring and uplifting.    I put people through sometimes incredible pain and humiliation.  I make them tired and will keep them awake.   I lock them in cages overnight and shower them in cold water. "

Matt picked up his cup and took another sip.   Silvia noticed her mouth was open.   With a slight clack of the jaw, she wondered where all this was going.  Resuming His posture, He continued:

"But I also give marvelous massages and love drying people off after a shower.    One of my fetishes is brushing hair.   I try to cherish those that work under me.   To those outside the lifestyle, it is a very strange dichotomy.    Not everyone understands it and sometimes, not even those within the lifestyle understand it.   And yet there it is."

"Silvia, what I am, in my view, is a sculptor.   When I look at someone, I see them as a lump of clay.  A chunk of stone.  I try to look within and see if I can picture a piece of art that wants to break out.  To be born.   But that art needs someone to midwife the birth.   Someone to bring it forth.  The problem is not all art is ready to be born."  Matt again paused to pick up his coffee again.    

Silvia trembled.  She wasn't sure whether it was from the constant look of His eyes or the frustration of His prolonging this.   She knew He was going to turn her down.    The tears again began to well in her eyes.   Her head dropped to face the table, so Matt could not see the rain begin to fall.  "What about me, Sir?   Where do I fit?"

Matt leaned forward, cupped her chin in His hand and lifted her head up.   "My dear," He told her, " you fit where you need to belong.   But you...need to decide where you belong."  Silvia opened her mouth to say something but Matt's hand flashed from her chin to her lips.   She was shocked on how fast he moved and how gentle the touch was.   First all four fingers covered her mouth and then just the index.   "No." He said. " No words, no sound. "

Matt scottered his chair back and stood up.   Gathering his cane with one hand, He pointed to the yellow package with the other.  "Take that with you and when you get home, open it.   Then you will decide where you belong.    You will know what to do."  And with that, Matt turned around and headed for the door.    Silvia sat there in shock, not knowing what to do or what to feel.    She turned her head to watch Him  walk through the coffeeshop door and then, like the morning dew, he was gone.

By the time Silvia had gotten to the counter, she had wiped the tear tracks away.  She hoped she didn't look a mess, or, god forbid, look like she had been abused!  That thought alone made the tears disappear.   Lucky for her, there wasn't anyone else in line.   Silvia didn't want to keep Him waiting. 

After placing her for the house brew, Silva waited to the side when she came upon a sudden realization: 

She was already serving Him.

Yes it had been a request and a small request at that, but still!   She couldn't believe it.  Ten minutes after meeting him and here she was at his beck and call.   Is this it, she wondered?   Is this what it is like?   In public even?   Wow

Silvia picked up his coffee and proceeded back to their table. All the way, thoughts were running through her head:  How do I give it to him?   Do I hand it to him?  Do I set it on the table?    Do I offer to pour the cream for him?   OMG, Silvia stammered to herself,  I hope he isn't wanting me to kneel and hand it up to him! 

When she got to the table, she bent at the waist, placing the very warm cup on her palm while holding it with the other hand.   "Your coffee, Sir." Silvia said while extending her hands towards Him.  Matt half smirked while accepting the cup and nodded to her chair.  While she was seating herself again, Silvia noticed a small package on the table to the right of her place.  

It was a yellow padded envelope, about six inches long.  Silvia could see it wasn't all the way sealed, just by the two prongs through the little eyelet thing.    She looked up at Matt who was pouring cream into his cup and not paying attention to her.   She didn't know what to do, but the curiosity was getting the best of her.  Silvia reached up a hand from under the table to pick up the package when,

"No"

She froze like small child who was caught stealing cookies.  Moving her hand back under the table, she looked up at Matt from under her brows.   "We will discuss that in a bit, my dear, " He said.  " But first, let us discuss why we are here."

Matt sat back in his chair, holding his coffee in his lap with both hands.   "Silvia," He started, "We have been talking to one another for a couple of months now.   You were wise to take Sarah's advice and calling me.    I know that was a hard thing for you to do.  But that showed me you were serious about taking that first step.   Over the next couple of weeks, you convinced me you were serious.   You are not just someone who is looking to get their rocks off by just being kinky.

Siliva waited patiently while He took a sip of his coffee.  She remembered how scared she was to make that first call.  I mean, she thought to herself, what do I say to him?   "Hi!  My name is Silvia and I want you to tie me up and beat me!"   She remembered the  groan she let out when that idea ran though her mind.   How do you start this conversation?   What do I say?!?!    Silvia almost just deleted the contact and wanted to throw her phone away.

But no.   She needed this.  She deserved this!  So he hit the green button.

Then she almost giggled herself silly when the phone rang and got no answer.   When the call switched to the voicemail, Silvia sat upright with sudden thought!   She listened to the voice on the recording, saying how He was sorry he could not take the call right now, but to leave and message.

Beep

"Hello Sir.  My name is Silvia and your name and number were given to me by Sarah Worthington.   When you have time, I wish to speak to you about learning from you.    Learning how I can do my very best for you.   Thank you!"

Hi Everyone!

I am so sorry I haven't posted the last installment of the novella yet!   

It isn't that I am not going to finish it, but life and illness has gotten in the way.   I will get it written and posted on Monday for sure!

I want to thank everyone who has written me and asked me about it and all the love everyone has shown for the story thus far!

Brian

Silvia set down her phone and picked up her mug.    Then she set it back down when she had a realization:  This was the same damn table where Sarah have put his name in her phone.   Matt's name.  Her first real time contact with a Dom.  Her only contact with a Dom.

This is getting too weird, Silvia thought.  She was suddenly ready to get up and leave her mug behind and bolt for the door, when her phone chimed a text message.    She opened up her notifications and read the message:

"Please Don't leave"

Silvia's eyes opened to the size of silver dollars.     Ok, this is creepy.  Like serial murderer level creepy.   Looking around at her fellow coffee shop customers with more than a bit of fear in her eyes.    I mean, I know what he looks like right?   He sent me a bunch of pictures!  No one looks looks like him here!  Thoughts like that ran circles in her mind.   Did he send fake pics?   OMG!

Her phone chimed again.

"May I join you?", it read this time.

Silvia breathing increased.    Her hands trembled as she keyed in her reply:

"Yes"

She almost slammed down her phone.   Now you have done it, she berated herself.  You are doing something stupid!   Why are you doing this to yourself?  When she looked up, she saw the door the coffeeshop open and, suddenly, there he was.   There was the man she had been texting and talking on the phone with for a couple of months.    All trim and upright.   Slightly tanned skin and greying hair.    He even had his cane for his slight limp.   And he wore a sport's coat, although no tie.    Who the hell wears a sport's coat to a coffee shop, Silvia thought.

This was Matt, in his full glory.   For once, the internet photos matched.

Matt looked around and then locked eyes with Silvia.   He smiled and walked over to her.   Silvia started to tremble.   She didn't know what to do, didn't know how to behave.    She certainly didn't know what to say to him.   She has spent months opening her heart and dreams to this man when he was a block of text on a white screen.    But now he was here!    My God, I feel so naked, she almost cried.

Matt suddenly stood before her, slightly stooped and switched his cane to his left hand, so he could hold out his right to her.   Not as a handshake, but palm slightly upraised as if to accept a gift.    "Hello Silvia, I'm Matt.   The ghost who has been haunting you the last few months.", he softly spoke with a slight smile on his face.    

Silvia still had the deer in the headlight eyes.   Not really knowing what to do, she placed her left hand in his outstretched one to do a Bob Dole shake.  But instead of shaking her hand, Matt leaned down a bit further and asked "May I?" with a twinkle in his eye.  She, of course, was still out of focus with herself.    She nodded yes as her tongue refused to work.   

Raising her hand, to pull her pull her slightly from her seat, Matt leaned down further to meet the hand half way and touched the faintest of kisses on the back of it.   The touch of his lips was as light as snow on Christmas Eve.    He then lowered Silvia's hand to almost the tabletop to release her his touch and motioned to the other chair with  the head of his cane.

"Not to be repetitive," He said "But May I?"

Silvia nodded again.   After the kiss, she pulled both hands back and put them in her lap under the table.    She felt so small and vulnerable.  She didn't know what to say or do or look or act.    She didn't feel threatened.  She didn't want to embarrass herself  or him.   She just wanted to disappear! 

"Silvia."

She looked up, not even realizing she had lowered her head to stare at the tabletop.   Silvia was seeing that Mona Lisa smile on his face again.   She fell in love with that smile.   It bought out the laff lines at the corners of his eyes, near his grey temples.  "Silvia", he repeated " You have to do me a favor." He told her.  Silvia blinked at him.  A favor?    Oh God!  Not that so soon!  Please no!  Please God, NO!

"What favor?"  Silvia stammered back to him.

"You have to relax.  Just relax.   Take things slow.   We are not going to move any faster than what you are comfortable with."  Matt said while shifting slightly to cross his legs, the cane head hooked at the corner of the table.  "We have all the time in the world.  All I ask is to be here with me."

That, of course, opened Silvia's flood gates, above and below the table.    Here was months and months of pent up frustrations poured out of her like water from a broken dam.   While she wasn't loud with her emotions, the tears did start to flow.  She lowered her head again so no one would see she was crying, least of all Matt.   Silvia was so embarrassed by the way she was acting.   

"Silvia"  Matt's voice came softly to her ears.

She looked up with her eyes, but not her head.   Silvia could see Matt's hand outstretched again across the table, but with something in it this time.   It was a handkerchief.    A handkerchief?    Who the living hell carries a handkerchief these days?     But still, she nodded her head again and took it rather gingerly.   Wiping her eyes, she raised her head and continued to clean her face. Then she realized in horror, what was she going to do with it now?    It wasn't like she could give it back after wiping her nose with it.     Oh god.

Matt leaned back in his chair and put his hands on his knee, again with that smile.   "Maybe a small break is in order.  Would you do me a another favor and get me a coffee? House brew with room for cream ?"

Silvia nodded yet again and got up from the table. As she walked by him to get to the counter, Matt reached out and patted her on the forearm and said,

"Everything is going to be fine.   Trust me."

After getting her mug of latte from the cashier, Silvia turned and walked away from the counter.    She came almost to the center of the seating area, but not close to any of the tables.   She looked around at her fellow customer.   Seeing young couples talking in close whispers and  groups of people in meetings with their laptops  open probably discussing sales and people of various genders reading actual books while sipping from their own mugs, Silvia wondered if they all knew what was going on around them.

Silvia felt like a ghost among these people.   Not that she felt dead, even on the inside.   Oh no, she wanted to live!

Just not in their world.    She needed a world of her own.   And someone to guide her there.

So where was he, she almost screamed in her mind.   Again she closed her eyes and realized she was almost hyperventilating.  To help slow things down, Silvia sipped her coffee and looked for a place to sit.    Even if he was there already, she needed some time to collect herself.    Picking a booth in a corner, she sat down so she could face the room.   That way she could see him when he walked in.

Setting her mug on the table, it was hotter than she liked anyway, Silvia got out her phone to look at his text messages again.   Over 100 the past couple of months.    Her sending question after question after question and him always replying with answers.  Sometimes elaborate, others very short and distinct. But always an answer, although not always what she wanted to hear (or read as the case may be).

Silvia looked up from her phone and thought about the last time she was in this coffeeshop.   Sarah brought her here to pass along another set of books, more educational than than novel this time (which reminded her of the soaked book, so she picked up her phone to go to Amazon and replace it).  Silvia was giddy about all she had read and she could tell Sarah was slightly amused by it all.   They sat and drank coffee while Silvia recited things she found in Sarah's books.    For Silvia, it was like the sun came out of a week of Gotham City rain!

"I can't believe people really do these kinds of things!", Silvia almost giggled.   Looking away, Sarah picked up her coffee but didn't drink it.   Just holding it in her hands, she ran her fingers over the mug like she was trying to protect the mug from losing its warmth.   Instead of drinking, Sarah set the mug back on the table top and took Silvia's hands in her own.   "Honey," Sarah started, "Are you sure you are wanting to take this next step?  Books and stories are one thing, but this is real world.  It isn't just fun and games".

Silvia gripped Sarah's hands back, pulling them toward her like she was trying to save herself from drowning.  "Sarah!  I want this!  I need this!  I need to feel something again!" Silvia pleaded.    Sarah sadly nodded and then patted Silvia's hands.   Letting go, she picked up Silvia's phone and began to access it.  After a few minutes, she locked the phone again and slid it back across the table to Silvia.   

"I've put a man's name in your contact list.   He is someone I trust.  Someone I have......worked with in the past.   He knows what he is doing and he specializes in new people coming into the lifestyle."   Sarah got up from the table and put her coat on.  Leaning down to meet Silvia face to face,  Sarah looked her in the eye and said "If you decide to do this, do not fool with him.   He will not take it well".   She then straightened  up and turned to go.

Silva sat there in wide eyed wonder, shocked by Sarah's words and actions.    "But Sarah," Silvia stammered "What is his name?"

"Matt.  His name is Matt.   Do only your best for him, Silvia.  Only your very best."

I should leave

I should leave

I should leave

I should LEAVE!

Silvia was scared.   Scared like never before.    She could smell the stink of it on herself.  

Here she was  in the middle of a coffee shop, looking to meet a man who she has never seen before.  Her mind screamed that this place was full of strangers who had no idea what was going to happen.   Silvia didn't know what was going to happen!   Damn Sarah and her books and her ideas and her words!   What the hell did Sarah get me into, anyway?

No, Silvia thought.   It isn't Sarah's fault I'm here.   It's mine.

Damn me.  Damn my thoughts, my wants....

My needs......

Silvia shook her head and tried to get herself under control.  I can't leave now, she said to herself.   If I leave now, I'll never come back.    So do something, stupid.   Try to look like you belong.

Order some coffee.

Silvia got in line behind a couple of other customers.   But instead of looking up at the menu to choose what she wanted to drink, her mind drifted elsewhere.    She thought of the books Sarah lent her.     Two novels and one on the kind of lifestyle she was thinking of entering.   My god, she remembered, that was a big book!    The novels she devoured in a night!   Yes the dialog was bad but the scenes!   Silvia ended up dropping one in the bath as she explored her own sexuality.    She'll have to replace it before she can give the books back to Sarah.    Where the hell do you even buy such things?

Probably Amazon.   Amazon carries everything.   

I wonder if you can get sex toys on Amazon, she thought.

Silvia was blushing at that thought when it was her turn.    "What can I get you Ma'am?"  The girl behind the counter asked.   Silvia stared blankly at her.   Realizing where she was and what she should be doing, Silvia replied " A double Tall Cafe Latte please."

"Would you like that in a mug or a to go cup", the girl said almost be reflex as she rang up the order. 

"A mug please," Silvia almost whispered with her eyes closed, "I think I am going to be here for awhile" 

Siliva could not believe she was doing this.   Sure she had coffee with men in public before.  But not like this.   

Not with some man she only met online.    Specially with a man on one of THOSE websites.   But it was only coffee, ....right?  Siliva looked at her reflection as she walked up to the coffeeshop door.  The reflection looked nice and conservative: button up blouse, with tan slacks, boat shoes and the right amount of ankle and leg showing.   The door only gave a hint of the her raven hair in a ponytail.  Sunglasses hid her blue eyes, and the skittishness Silvia knew was there.   

As well as the hunger.

Silvia relaxed some as she stepped in.   Same old place she had been to dozens of times before.    Same light jazz.  Same smell of roasted beans and freshly brewed coffee.   She and her now ex husband had been in and out of here time and time again.   Sunday mornings before his golf game.    Here and there during the week, in for a quicky and then off with the boys or home for TV and a movie.

But this time was different.    This time she was going to sit across from a man who she really didn't know.   A man who was willing to open a new world to her.    A man who knew about very dangerous and seductive things. 

She passed by the normal coffeeshop patrons, like they were ghosts from a time gone by.   Those engulfed in their laptops or phones with coffee going cold nearby.   All engrossed in their own little worlds.   The groups of girls chatting up each other, while trying to look sophisticated and not noticing others benighth them.    Silvia remembered being like that before she met her husband.  A slight smile crossed her lips, thinking what she must have been like that back then.   

Silvia shook her head, to bring herself back to reality.    Again, she could not believe she was doing this.    But again she told herself she deserved this.  She needed this.   

The house was so quiet after the kids left.    The husband kept himself busy with this buddies and work and golf and puttering in the workshop.   Silvia needed someone to talk to; someone to pay attention to her.  Someone to touch her.    Silvia sought solace in her friends.   

But it seemed most were at the same stage of life as Siliva was.    Only they were willing to accept it.    They had book clubs they went to.   They became in local theater.   All in all, they existed.   They didn't live.  That is except Sarah.   

Sarah one time met Silia here at this very coffeeshop.    They sat by the window and  they talked about life after marriage was and....what it could be.  Sarah told Siliva about a darker road that could be taken and how Sarah had walked down that road.   Of course, Siliva was shocked.   Sarah had always looked so normal, but Siliva knew the same feelings were not so far beneath her own skin.   The ache, the burning, the fear.   The need to be touched, sometimes gentle and other times, so very very hard.

Sara gave her books to read.  Websites to visit and advice.  All of which came with guidelines and rules.    Sarah cupped Siliva's chin right there in the coffeeshop and told her the rules were important.   The look in Sarah's eyes showed how serious she was.    That look was gut clenching for Siliva, but it also sent a wetness between her legs.    

That meeting with Sarah was a first step for Siliva.   And here she was again to take another.......

When you find yourself logging on to CollarSpace (hell, I knew it when it was CollarMe) just to have something to occupy your time.   

I hate down time in my home projects

About 3 weeks ago, I read a female submissive's blog about a "Time out Chair".   Included in her blog was a photo of a wood desk chair with a hole cut out and a Magic Wand placed in it.   Upon looking at it, I thought the device was impractical.  To me the wand was not going to function.   So I made a reply saying the same.  

She replied back that I should make one of my own.    After some searching for a proper chair (with this submissive's suggestion), I found a great chair and made my modifications.  Since I am not a paid member,  you may have to look on my profile to see how it works.   Tell me what you think!

D/s dynamics is all about optics

People on both sides of the collar tend to like the look of what they see.   Guys look at the pretty naked girls, trussed up and cum on their face.  Girls want to see the muscles and tats.   Both get their gonads pounding and, poof, orgasum and off to the store for shopping and picking the kids up from school.

That's their perception.

They don't want to look deeper.   The deep scares them.   They don't want to see the commitment. They don't want to see the duty of s type to D type, or the other way around.  They don't want to see the work.

As a Dom, I see the s type as a block of granite.   Cold, hard, unyielding.   

But I will spend hours looking beneath the surface.   I want to see that form that is struggling to get out.   I want to chip away at that stone until I see a hand emerge from the rock and show me it's palm.   Sometimes that is all I need to do and it will be someone else's job to chip away more of it til a arm is reveled. 

Other times, it is up to me to polish the whole statue and present it to another for final viewing. 

Or,  Sometimes I just need to get others a new set of glasses.