Tersely Pertinent

Finally a bit of something that attracts me so:

While I do agree with Oceanic's premise and Love her  own replies, my own are somewhat different than hers and, certainly, going to be different than the rest of everyone else's.

To wit: My Three Demands in Life are....

1. Nothing
2. Nothing
3. Nothing

It is not that I do not agree with  those that make Demands.   They certainly deserve it, but my view point is way different.  

A long time ago, in my baby Domly days, I was given a great insight from a sub.   This sub had been involved with the lifestyle for a time and had met many a Dom.    So she parted this wisdom on down to me:

Be Commanding, Not Demanding

And there in lies the rub

Is there a difference?  

Of late, I have given great thought to this.  You see, for some time now I have found myself thinking of this person in great fondness.   We've know one another for some time and over that time, my fondness has changed to something else.  Today I have finally admitted to myself it is indeed love.  

Now you have to understand that "love" to me is something different than what most people think.   It is not a possessive emotion, seeking to own this person.   For me there is no "one true love".  The best way I can describe what I think of Love is Sean Connery and Christian Slatter's  lines about Love from the movie The Name of the Rose:

"Adso of Melk: Master? Have you ever been in love?

William of Baskerville: In love? Yeah, many times.

Adso of Melk: You were?

William of Baskerville: Yes, of course. Aristotle, Ovid, Vergil...

Adso of Melk: No, no, no. I meant with a...

William of Baskerville: Oh. Ah. Are you not confusing love with lust?

Adso of Melk: Am I? I don't know. I want only her own good. I want her to be happy. I want to save her from her poverty.

William of Baskerville: Oh, dear.

Adso of Melk: Why "oh dear"?

William of Baskerville: You *are* in love."

Seeing this scene in the theater, years ago altered my view on Love.   Back then I, indeed, confused Love with Sex.  I would often tell women I loved them get to laid.   But this scene showed me how wrong I was.   Yes Sex was fun but Love....Love was something to cherish.  Something to honor.   

But still, something confused me:  What is the difference between Loving someone one and Being In Love with someone?   Does being In Love require the act of Love be returned?   Before my change of view on the emotion, I often fought with the demon of Unrequited Love.   But, after my conversion, I understood this was a thing with no power.   That Loving somone was my own emotion and it was foolish of me to need them to return it.    Not only foolish but selfish.

Still, when I spoke with others about this, often some of them would ask: "But are you In Love with them?"

Then and still now that question confuses me.   I don't understand the difference.   Is there one?  Does my philosophy of Love require a difference?  Is this something I really want to think about?

After all my years and all my thinking and feeling.....

I simply don't know.  

1: That's none of your god damn business

2: I don't do data mining

3: I'm being a royal prick

Silvia was dead inside.   

No more tears.   No more thoughts.   

Nothing.

As she glanced around at the rest of the coffee shop, she saw the other patrons still enjoying their day.   Laughing, talking, drinking their coffee, like the world had not ended.    She guessed it still existed for them.   It went on being a sunny day and things were going to be ok for them still.

But not for her.  

With the closing of a door, Silvia's world stopped revolving.  To her, it didn't matter if it was rain or shine.   Day or night.    It was going to be the same for the rest of her life: forever dark.

With a sigh, she decided she might as well go home.   "I can be just as miserable there as I can here," she thought to herself.   Silvia got up and gather her and Matt's coffee cups for the trash.   Walking to the receptacle almost  took more energy than she had left in her.   When she got back to the table to get her purse, she saw the yellow envelope still next to where she had been sitting.  

Silvia picked it up and stared at it in her hand.   Then she began to shake.   Not from cold, nor from tears.    Anger was what she was feeling!  How could he do this to me, she screamed in her mind!   How could he walk out after all the talk we went through?    All the instruction!  All the pictures He helped paint for her with His examples!   Was that all it was?   Just talk?

She turned around and almost stormed out of the coffeeshop.    Walking by the trash receptacle on the way to the door, Silvia had half a thought to just chucking the damn thing in.   She reached out her hand to give the envelope a  good shove, when she stopped.   

No....

This.....This is my reward.    No matter what it is, I worked for this.    I need to see it though to the end.

Silva left the coffeeshop with a final determination.   She wasn't going to wait til she got home, she was going to open there in the car.   Yes, it was against His final orders, but to HELL with him.   He left me there all alone!  With that thought, Silvia stomped over to her car, unlocked the door and tossed the yellow thing into the passenger seat.   She then sat there and wondered if she should.    "I know I don't owe him anything,"  bubbled into her thoughts, then it all went quiet.    

Silvia picked up the envelope and looked it all over.   On the front was Matt's name and an address.   Slightly perplexed, she wondered if this was his home.   Why on earth would he put that there?    He never told her where he lived.    Squeezing the package told her there was something small in it, but could not tell exactly what.    Her left hand went to open the clasp to see what was inside...

No, Again.

She did owe Him something.   She owed Him one last act of obedience.  That wasn't exactly right, she thought.   I owe myself one last act of obedience to him.   With that, she set the envelope back in the passenger seat and started her car to head home.

After putting her car in the garage, Silvia walked in the mudroom and into the house proper.   She crossed the sill into the kitchen and hung up her keys and purse.   She then walked into the dinning room.   Silvia didn't use it much anymore since her husband moved out.   She either ate in the kitchen or the TV room.    Sitting at the slightly dusty table, she again stared at the package.    The outside still gave her now answers.

Oh, screw this already!   Just open the fucking thing!

Silvia popped open the clasp and reached her hand inside.   The first thing she felt was a piece of paper,  She pulled it out and discovered it was actually two pieces, both folded in half.  The top piece had a paperclip attached.    She set the envelope and second  paper down on the table so she could see what was on the first paper.  Unfolding it, she saw a ten dollar bill was under the paperclip.   On the paper itself, was a short sentence written in neat handwriting.  It read:

"For the Coffee and Postage, if necessary"

She tossed the sheet on the table.  Money.   One of His last acts was to give her money.     Eww, Silvia thought.     Slouching back in her chair, she reached out and retrieved the other piece of paper.   "I wonder what he will want in this one, " She grouched to herself, "a bill for time spent?"  Flipping the paper open with one hand, she glanced at it.  Again the neat handwriting.   The her eyes widened as she read what was there!   

Oh

My 

GOD!

"Silvia," It started:

 "I can not begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed our time together!  You have been such an apt pupil during our discussions and I truly believe you will make a fine subject for further education within my world.   However, this is not something I can pull you into by force or deception.  This is a choice you, and you alone, have to make.   I am more than willing to hold out my hand and lead you into this world, but you have to cross that line of your own volition.   This world is not something you have ever experienced before.   It will be new.  It will be scary.  It will be painful.   It is not for everyone or the weak. 

Enclosed is my invitation for you to join me in it."

And then the tears fell again.    Only this time, they were incredibly, incredibly, incredibly happy tears!

Silvia threw the paper on the table and picked up the envelope!  Turning it upside down with her right, she held out her left to catch what was left in the damn thing!   But nothing came out!  Shaking the package, she felt something finally dislodge and land in her hand.   It was a piece of leather about 8 inches long and, maybe, two inches wide.    A chrome buckle and a small D ring in the front.    She knew what it was, but never thought she would ever wear one.

A collar.   He had given her a collar!

`fin`  

"Silvia, I need you to be here with me right now."

Matt's words brought Silvia out of her reverry!  Here she was thinking about her past with Him when He was right here in front of her!   Fuck, Silvia though, I'm failing Him already.  

Her eyes focused back on Matt.    He was leaning forward with His hand across the table, palm up.  Like a small child who knows they have done wrong, Silvia slowly placed her hand in His.  Matt very gently closed his fingers around the back of hand.   Slightly tugging her toward Him, Matt looked Silvia in the eyes and said "What I am about to say is very important.  Probably the most important thing I will ever say to you.   So pay close attention." 

Releasing her hand, Matt once again sat back in the chair.   But He didn't say anything.    He pursed his lips and then again got that half smile.  Silvia sat there and watched him not say anything.    Nothing.    Maybe His breathing got a little deeper, but still nothing.    A single thought ran laps around Silvia's brain: He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! He's going to turn me down! 

Matt set his cup on the table and began to speak:

"Silvia, within the lifestyle, there are many, many different philosophies. When I started this, a good number of years ago,  there was really only one.  But like all life, it has gone through and evolution and split off and gone off in many directions.    However, I have never changed the way I do things.   I am hard, and strict and, can be cruel.   But I am also loving, caring and uplifting.    I put people through sometimes incredible pain and humiliation.  I make them tired and will keep them awake.   I lock them in cages overnight and shower them in cold water. "

Matt picked up his cup and took another sip.   Silvia noticed her mouth was open.   With a slight clack of the jaw, she wondered where all this was going.  Resuming His posture, He continued:

"But I also give marvelous massages and love drying people off after a shower.    One of my fetishes is brushing hair.   I try to cherish those that work under me.   To those outside the lifestyle, it is a very strange dichotomy.    Not everyone understands it and sometimes, not even those within the lifestyle understand it.   And yet there it is."

"Silvia, what I am, in my view, is a sculptor.   When I look at someone, I see them as a lump of clay.  A chunk of stone.  I try to look within and see if I can picture a piece of art that wants to break out.  To be born.   But that art needs someone to midwife the birth.   Someone to bring it forth.  The problem is not all art is ready to be born."  Matt again paused to pick up his coffee again.    

Silvia trembled.  She wasn't sure whether it was from the constant look of His eyes or the frustration of His prolonging this.   She knew He was going to turn her down.    The tears again began to well in her eyes.   Her head dropped to face the table, so Matt could not see the rain begin to fall.  "What about me, Sir?   Where do I fit?"

Matt leaned forward, cupped her chin in His hand and lifted her head up.   "My dear," He told her, " you fit where you need to belong.   But you...need to decide where you belong."  Silvia opened her mouth to say something but Matt's hand flashed from her chin to her lips.   She was shocked on how fast he moved and how gentle the touch was.   First all four fingers covered her mouth and then just the index.   "No." He said. " No words, no sound. "

Matt scottered his chair back and stood up.   Gathering his cane with one hand, He pointed to the yellow package with the other.  "Take that with you and when you get home, open it.   Then you will decide where you belong.    You will know what to do."  And with that, Matt turned around and headed for the door.    Silvia sat there in shock, not knowing what to do or what to feel.    She turned her head to watch Him  walk through the coffeeshop door and then, like the morning dew, he was gone.

By the time Silvia had gotten to the counter, she had wiped the tear tracks away.  She hoped she didn't look a mess, or, god forbid, look like she had been abused!  That thought alone made the tears disappear.   Lucky for her, there wasn't anyone else in line.   Silvia didn't want to keep Him waiting. 

After placing her for the house brew, Silva waited to the side when she came upon a sudden realization: 

She was already serving Him.

Yes it had been a request and a small request at that, but still!   She couldn't believe it.  Ten minutes after meeting him and here she was at his beck and call.   Is this it, she wondered?   Is this what it is like?   In public even?   Wow

Silvia picked up his coffee and proceeded back to their table. All the way, thoughts were running through her head:  How do I give it to him?   Do I hand it to him?  Do I set it on the table?    Do I offer to pour the cream for him?   OMG, Silvia stammered to herself,  I hope he isn't wanting me to kneel and hand it up to him! 

When she got to the table, she bent at the waist, placing the very warm cup on her palm while holding it with the other hand.   "Your coffee, Sir." Silvia said while extending her hands towards Him.  Matt half smirked while accepting the cup and nodded to her chair.  While she was seating herself again, Silvia noticed a small package on the table to the right of her place.  

It was a yellow padded envelope, about six inches long.  Silvia could see it wasn't all the way sealed, just by the two prongs through the little eyelet thing.    She looked up at Matt who was pouring cream into his cup and not paying attention to her.   She didn't know what to do, but the curiosity was getting the best of her.  Silvia reached up a hand from under the table to pick up the package when,

"No"

She froze like small child who was caught stealing cookies.  Moving her hand back under the table, she looked up at Matt from under her brows.   "We will discuss that in a bit, my dear, " He said.  " But first, let us discuss why we are here."

Matt sat back in his chair, holding his coffee in his lap with both hands.   "Silvia," He started, "We have been talking to one another for a couple of months now.   You were wise to take Sarah's advice and calling me.    I know that was a hard thing for you to do.  But that showed me you were serious about taking that first step.   Over the next couple of weeks, you convinced me you were serious.   You are not just someone who is looking to get their rocks off by just being kinky.

Siliva waited patiently while He took a sip of his coffee.  She remembered how scared she was to make that first call.  I mean, she thought to herself, what do I say to him?   "Hi!  My name is Silvia and I want you to tie me up and beat me!"   She remembered the  groan she let out when that idea ran though her mind.   How do you start this conversation?   What do I say?!?!    Silvia almost just deleted the contact and wanted to throw her phone away.

But no.   She needed this.  She deserved this!  So he hit the green button.

Then she almost giggled herself silly when the phone rang and got no answer.   When the call switched to the voicemail, Silvia sat upright with sudden thought!   She listened to the voice on the recording, saying how He was sorry he could not take the call right now, but to leave and message.

Beep

"Hello Sir.  My name is Silvia and your name and number were given to me by Sarah Worthington.   When you have time, I wish to speak to you about learning from you.    Learning how I can do my very best for you.   Thank you!"

Hi Everyone!

I am so sorry I haven't posted the last installment of the novella yet!   

It isn't that I am not going to finish it, but life and illness has gotten in the way.   I will get it written and posted on Monday for sure!

I want to thank everyone who has written me and asked me about it and all the love everyone has shown for the story thus far!

Brian

Silvia set down her phone and picked up her mug.    Then she set it back down when she had a realization:  This was the same damn table where Sarah have put his name in her phone.   Matt's name.  Her first real time contact with a Dom.  Her only contact with a Dom.

This is getting too weird, Silvia thought.  She was suddenly ready to get up and leave her mug behind and bolt for the door, when her phone chimed a text message.    She opened up her notifications and read the message:

"Please Don't leave"

Silvia's eyes opened to the size of silver dollars.     Ok, this is creepy.  Like serial murderer level creepy.   Looking around at her fellow coffee shop customers with more than a bit of fear in her eyes.    I mean, I know what he looks like right?   He sent me a bunch of pictures!  No one looks looks like him here!  Thoughts like that ran circles in her mind.   Did he send fake pics?   OMG!

Her phone chimed again.

"May I join you?", it read this time.

Silvia breathing increased.    Her hands trembled as she keyed in her reply:

"Yes"

She almost slammed down her phone.   Now you have done it, she berated herself.  You are doing something stupid!   Why are you doing this to yourself?  When she looked up, she saw the door the coffeeshop open and, suddenly, there he was.   There was the man she had been texting and talking on the phone with for a couple of months.    All trim and upright.   Slightly tanned skin and greying hair.    He even had his cane for his slight limp.   And he wore a sport's coat, although no tie.    Who the hell wears a sport's coat to a coffee shop, Silvia thought.

This was Matt, in his full glory.   For once, the internet photos matched.

Matt looked around and then locked eyes with Silvia.   He smiled and walked over to her.   Silvia started to tremble.   She didn't know what to do, didn't know how to behave.    She certainly didn't know what to say to him.   She has spent months opening her heart and dreams to this man when he was a block of text on a white screen.    But now he was here!    My God, I feel so naked, she almost cried.

Matt suddenly stood before her, slightly stooped and switched his cane to his left hand, so he could hold out his right to her.   Not as a handshake, but palm slightly upraised as if to accept a gift.    "Hello Silvia, I'm Matt.   The ghost who has been haunting you the last few months.", he softly spoke with a slight smile on his face.    

Silvia still had the deer in the headlight eyes.   Not really knowing what to do, she placed her left hand in his outstretched one to do a Bob Dole shake.  But instead of shaking her hand, Matt leaned down a bit further and asked "May I?" with a twinkle in his eye.  She, of course, was still out of focus with herself.    She nodded yes as her tongue refused to work.   

Raising her hand, to pull her pull her slightly from her seat, Matt leaned down further to meet the hand half way and touched the faintest of kisses on the back of it.   The touch of his lips was as light as snow on Christmas Eve.    He then lowered Silvia's hand to almost the tabletop to release her his touch and motioned to the other chair with  the head of his cane.

"Not to be repetitive," He said "But May I?"

Silvia nodded again.   After the kiss, she pulled both hands back and put them in her lap under the table.    She felt so small and vulnerable.  She didn't know what to say or do or look or act.    She didn't feel threatened.  She didn't want to embarrass herself  or him.   She just wanted to disappear! 

"Silvia."

She looked up, not even realizing she had lowered her head to stare at the tabletop.   Silvia was seeing that Mona Lisa smile on his face again.   She fell in love with that smile.   It bought out the laff lines at the corners of his eyes, near his grey temples.  "Silvia", he repeated " You have to do me a favor." He told her.  Silvia blinked at him.  A favor?    Oh God!  Not that so soon!  Please no!  Please God, NO!

"What favor?"  Silvia stammered back to him.

"You have to relax.  Just relax.   Take things slow.   We are not going to move any faster than what you are comfortable with."  Matt said while shifting slightly to cross his legs, the cane head hooked at the corner of the table.  "We have all the time in the world.  All I ask is to be here with me."

That, of course, opened Silvia's flood gates, above and below the table.    Here was months and months of pent up frustrations poured out of her like water from a broken dam.   While she wasn't loud with her emotions, the tears did start to flow.  She lowered her head again so no one would see she was crying, least of all Matt.   Silvia was so embarrassed by the way she was acting.   

"Silvia"  Matt's voice came softly to her ears.

She looked up with her eyes, but not her head.   Silvia could see Matt's hand outstretched again across the table, but with something in it this time.   It was a handkerchief.    A handkerchief?    Who the living hell carries a handkerchief these days?     But still, she nodded her head again and took it rather gingerly.   Wiping her eyes, she raised her head and continued to clean her face. Then she realized in horror, what was she going to do with it now?    It wasn't like she could give it back after wiping her nose with it.     Oh god.

Matt leaned back in his chair and put his hands on his knee, again with that smile.   "Maybe a small break is in order.  Would you do me a another favor and get me a coffee? House brew with room for cream ?"

Silvia nodded yet again and got up from the table. As she walked by him to get to the counter, Matt reached out and patted her on the forearm and said,

"Everything is going to be fine.   Trust me."

After getting her mug of latte from the cashier, Silvia turned and walked away from the counter.    She came almost to the center of the seating area, but not close to any of the tables.   She looked around at her fellow customer.   Seeing young couples talking in close whispers and  groups of people in meetings with their laptops  open probably discussing sales and people of various genders reading actual books while sipping from their own mugs, Silvia wondered if they all knew what was going on around them.

Silvia felt like a ghost among these people.   Not that she felt dead, even on the inside.   Oh no, she wanted to live!

Just not in their world.    She needed a world of her own.   And someone to guide her there.

So where was he, she almost screamed in her mind.   Again she closed her eyes and realized she was almost hyperventilating.  To help slow things down, Silvia sipped her coffee and looked for a place to sit.    Even if he was there already, she needed some time to collect herself.    Picking a booth in a corner, she sat down so she could face the room.   That way she could see him when he walked in.

Setting her mug on the table, it was hotter than she liked anyway, Silvia got out her phone to look at his text messages again.   Over 100 the past couple of months.    Her sending question after question after question and him always replying with answers.  Sometimes elaborate, others very short and distinct. But always an answer, although not always what she wanted to hear (or read as the case may be).

Silvia looked up from her phone and thought about the last time she was in this coffeeshop.   Sarah brought her here to pass along another set of books, more educational than than novel this time (which reminded her of the soaked book, so she picked up her phone to go to Amazon and replace it).  Silvia was giddy about all she had read and she could tell Sarah was slightly amused by it all.   They sat and drank coffee while Silvia recited things she found in Sarah's books.    For Silvia, it was like the sun came out of a week of Gotham City rain!

"I can't believe people really do these kinds of things!", Silvia almost giggled.   Looking away, Sarah picked up her coffee but didn't drink it.   Just holding it in her hands, she ran her fingers over the mug like she was trying to protect the mug from losing its warmth.   Instead of drinking, Sarah set the mug back on the table top and took Silvia's hands in her own.   "Honey," Sarah started, "Are you sure you are wanting to take this next step?  Books and stories are one thing, but this is real world.  It isn't just fun and games".

Silvia gripped Sarah's hands back, pulling them toward her like she was trying to save herself from drowning.  "Sarah!  I want this!  I need this!  I need to feel something again!" Silvia pleaded.    Sarah sadly nodded and then patted Silvia's hands.   Letting go, she picked up Silvia's phone and began to access it.  After a few minutes, she locked the phone again and slid it back across the table to Silvia.   

"I've put a man's name in your contact list.   He is someone I trust.  Someone I have......worked with in the past.   He knows what he is doing and he specializes in new people coming into the lifestyle."   Sarah got up from the table and put her coat on.  Leaning down to meet Silvia face to face,  Sarah looked her in the eye and said "If you decide to do this, do not fool with him.   He will not take it well".   She then straightened  up and turned to go.

Silva sat there in wide eyed wonder, shocked by Sarah's words and actions.    "But Sarah," Silvia stammered "What is his name?"

"Matt.  His name is Matt.   Do only your best for him, Silvia.  Only your very best."

I should leave

I should leave

I should leave

I should LEAVE!

Silvia was scared.   Scared like never before.    She could smell the stink of it on herself.  

Here she was  in the middle of a coffee shop, looking to meet a man who she has never seen before.  Her mind screamed that this place was full of strangers who had no idea what was going to happen.   Silvia didn't know what was going to happen!   Damn Sarah and her books and her ideas and her words!   What the hell did Sarah get me into, anyway?

No, Silvia thought.   It isn't Sarah's fault I'm here.   It's mine.

Damn me.  Damn my thoughts, my wants....

My needs......

Silvia shook her head and tried to get herself under control.  I can't leave now, she said to herself.   If I leave now, I'll never come back.    So do something, stupid.   Try to look like you belong.

Order some coffee.

Silvia got in line behind a couple of other customers.   But instead of looking up at the menu to choose what she wanted to drink, her mind drifted elsewhere.    She thought of the books Sarah lent her.     Two novels and one on the kind of lifestyle she was thinking of entering.   My god, she remembered, that was a big book!    The novels she devoured in a night!   Yes the dialog was bad but the scenes!   Silvia ended up dropping one in the bath as she explored her own sexuality.    She'll have to replace it before she can give the books back to Sarah.    Where the hell do you even buy such things?

Probably Amazon.   Amazon carries everything.   

I wonder if you can get sex toys on Amazon, she thought.

Silvia was blushing at that thought when it was her turn.    "What can I get you Ma'am?"  The girl behind the counter asked.   Silvia stared blankly at her.   Realizing where she was and what she should be doing, Silvia replied " A double Tall Cafe Latte please."

"Would you like that in a mug or a to go cup", the girl said almost be reflex as she rang up the order. 

"A mug please," Silvia almost whispered with her eyes closed, "I think I am going to be here for awhile"