I often get messages here and on fet asking why I am "unattached". People read my profiles (or at least claim to do so, I'll explain below) and my erotica and see the photos of my toys and gush over it all. Then with the inevitability of an eastward sun comes:
"I can't believe you don't have a sub!"
So this morning I thought I would post a few of my replies to such a statement. Quite frankly, there are a number of reasons, which for one or more of them often eliminates most of the candidates here and other places. So here is a partial list with explanations:
Number 1:
"I'm married"
Now this isn't so much an elimination on my part, but on the part of the candidate. I get the fact that not everyone is into poly, nor should they be. Poly is very ha999rd work and not everyone is equipped with that kind of strength. Add to the fact that most s types want someone of their own, which is also fine. But for Fuck's sake: Read my gawd damn profile! I go to great lengths to point out the fact I am married (now I will mention that I think Cage sucks ass at relationship categories, but I digress), so stop saying you read my profile and then get all shocked at my mentioning my wife.
Number 2:
"I'm Old School"
I got started into the Lifestyle in the mid 90s (before there was a World Wide Web) and back then there pretty much was three categories: Master (Mistress), Dom (Domme) and Top (gender neutral). We had our rules, which were fairly inflexible. We had our Titles, rituals, Protocols and what all. We were simple and it worked. It still works for me today and it is very unlikely it is going to change. It is just the way it is. This isn't a fact I hide from anyone and still there are those that are shocked I work this way. In my world, there isn't many shades of gray when dealing with the lifestyle.
Number 3:
"Age is more than just a number"
This is one that draws a good deal of flack. The fact is I am now 60 years of age and my viewpoint of property is changing with my age. Part of that is being how old the candidate is. I have an range of 45 to about 57. Older than that seems unlikely due to the amount of abuse I am going to dish out (see No. 4) and younger than that is unlikely to have the same meeting of the minds on the lifestyle. A few months back, I attempted to forgo this issue and worked at an attempt with someone almost 20 years younger than I. We grew close and then we hit a goal post conflict and it didn't work out. I should have known better.
Number 4:
"I am a Sadist"
For me, part of being Old School is being an unapologetic Sadist. While I have been called "fucked in the head" a time or two, I have a reason for causing pain. It isn't the pain for the pain's sake or even simply because "I can". It is to see what the s type will give to me. What they are willing to put up with to make me happy. To me, this is all part of the surrender on their part. How much are they willing to suffer to show they are my property. Now accompanying that:
Number 5:
"I love humiliation"
Maybe not all forms but there are a good deal of what I can and will do. From piss play to public showing to name calling, the list can go on and on and on. Now again, this is not for everyone nor should it be. It takes great strength, both mentally and emotionally to put up with this kind of show. Not everyone has that capability.
Number 6:
"I don't want someone new to the Lifestyle"
Going with issue #3: I am simply too old to start training someone with no real time experience in the lifestyle. I think it is grand they want to investigate their needs and wants, but I am no longer interested in starting at ground zero anymore. I'll be happy to give advice and then shoo them on their way, but I need a basis on which to start. Specially in physical traits. No more "masochists" who think hairpulling during a spanking is too much.
Number 7
"Intelligence"
Now this isn't going to go where you think it is. Quite the contrary. I need someone smart. I want someone to make wise choices. Not just someone who can think but someone with emotional intelligence. Someone smarter than me would be great! Someone to keep me on my toes, so to speak. I am not one to get upset if I am told I am wrong and am willing to learn. I don't want a dumbunny or, worse, somone who is unwilling to think. Still worse: someone unwilling to speak their mind.
Conclusion
In reality, there isn't an order of these categories I have listed. They are just here in the way they bubbled out of my little brain. Some days one thing is more important, other days it is something else. Still they are all important to me and is unlikely that is going to change til it is time for my final nap. So take of this what you will and for those that have finished it, I owe you beer for my ranting.