Barbie Dreams

A drop off and run evening.  I don't always have useful things to say but I'm going to keep this going as long as work will let me.  I'll be up late maybe poking around on the forum though.  I love you people; thanks for putting up with my dumb ass.

Autistic Woman with Social Anxiety Still Loves Sosa and the Glo Men - I'm basically just talking about nonsense and I'm sorry.  My dress is cute though, but please picture it with a bow.

Boilerplate description I put on all of the videos:

I'm a 41 year old jewish autistic lady who has social anxiety. I make these videos to become more comfortable in front of the camera and expressing myself verbally. Another goal is to deal with all of the BS you get when you go online - like anti-semites, folks trying to finesse you and people who say you are dumb and ugly or retarded. These are not good things to say to people, but being unbothered is how you win against that crap. My progress since I started this in February is about 50% cured. I have more info in bio with links to some of the other projects I've been doing. It's tough out there, stay strong ladies and gents xoxoxo

Just woke up from a fucking nap because self-employment.  So I'm dropping off the video and going for a jog since it's cooling off and my stupid ass will probably be up all night.  Shalom Chaverim.

Another drop off the video and run day.  And I never made a Part 2.  Basically, these women were trying to finesse me by hooking me up with a 'daddy who wants to use me' and when I told them to fuck off, one started calling me an ugly cat lady.  And it was not an easy day at the data center.  bye for now.  take good care of yourselves and your loved ones chaverim.

Here's the boiler plate description of why I'm doing this:

I'm a 41 year old jewish autistic lady who has social anxiety. I make these videos to become more comfortable in front of the camera and expressing myself verbally. Another goal is to deal with all of the BS you get when you go online - like anti-semites, folks trying to finesse you and people who say you are dumb and ugly or retarded. These are not good things to say to people, but being unbothered is how you win against that crap. My progress since I started this in February is about 50% cured. I have more info in bio with links to some of the other projects I've been doing. It's tough out there, stay strong ladies and gents xoxoxo 

See you tomorrow

I'm exhausted and have a lot of handyman work to do tonight, so I just need to drop off the video and run.  Good night and Zay Gezunt un stark homies.

I'm really excited!  And someone is actually paying me to do this.  I usually tell every person who DMs me to fuck off but this one was too weird to pass up.  And he can use it for work and sexy time with his eager lady so it's a win-win-win.

I'm too tired to write.  Keeping up with the doll routine (exercise, makeup, research), plus the dog, being a home maker and business person, it's a lot.  And my kid started school today and she loves her class.  This is what I care most about!  She is still not totally adapted to public school but she loves it!

Here's the silly social anxiety video.  I'm trying to wear the clothing outside to feel more submissive, but I don't have proper undergarments so it doesn't look as good as it could.  I love the colors though.  Bye for now too tired to write an actual entry.  

This is my walking home song because I'm tough stuff.  I don't need a jet I want Air Force 1

I really don't want to post this because my hair looks like shit because I'm testing clip in bangs for sensory tolerance and am too scared and cheap to get a haircut and color.  I'm also embarrassed to admit that I don't know how to use photoshop or editing software so I can't put a fake hat on it or something.

But here's my video where I try to explore my sexuality.  Not in a pornographic way; this is talk therapy with myself because nothing else works.  Maybe I'll improve my verbal communication skills or figure something out.  Hopefully my oversharing makes me unemployable by big tech at least.

And I know that not one of you miss my hip hop recommendations but this is my diary sorry chevre.

Here's my social anxiety therapy video.  I haven't gotten my hair done so ignore that and all the cans on my balcony but good news, I'm making a lot of progress.

I'll copy / paste what I wrote in the description of the video because some of what I say makes no sense without context.  Working on it. (a lot of this is redundant) 

Hi, I'm a 41 year old jewish autistic lady who has social anxiety. I make these videos to become more comfortable in front of the camera and expressing myself verbally. Another goal is to deal with all of the BS you get when you go online - like anti-semites, folks trying to finesse you and people who say you are dumb and ugly or retarded. These are not good things to say to people, but being unbothered is how you win against that crap. My progress since I started this in February is about 50% cured. My new goal is getting a part time job where I do not own the place, because salaries are high here due to outrageous cost of living. I have more info in bio with links to some of the other crap I've been doing. It's tough out there, stay strong ladies and gents xoxoxo

BTW I'm not actually looking for one of these leave your house jobs yet - I'm too chicken lol.

Hi! I want to brain dump some things I've learned about men from being on this website for six months or so.  I will not mention names, stories, anything personal because that is just disrespectful and unethical behavior.  I want to try to save some other people time, heartbreak, or potentially getting killed if I can, especially other autistic females (or any female). 

This doll fetish stuff is time consuming and I'm already really busy as is, so it's time to start dropping some knowledge so that I can feel that I wasted my time a little less.  I also want to see people not screwed over and be good.  Also, these are some of my particular red flags, you may be different.  Our goals may be different.  I could be wrong about some things. I don't know how much longer I can keep up these blogs with everything going on so I'm trying to be useful.

People in chat here were clowning me about expecting messages that were longer than one sentence long.  Some of these folks were fellow women.  Another woman was trying to shame a woman on twitter for considering an ice cream date the bare minimum for a first date.  Predators want you to feel bad about yourself so they can get you at a discount and put no time or effort into you.  And predators who use this info to try to run game on me feel free to try and lose.

My Red Flags

• Low effort messages (i.e. one sentence, what's up, you are pretty and nothing else about them)
• Doesn't tell you they have a girlfriend or are polyamorous RIGHT AWAY.  This means they are trying to manipulate your feelings and get you to accept something you don't want.  It's not OK.  No shame, just be honest and upfront.
• They have naked pictures or cartoons in their profile that you don't approve of.
• They have their dick in their photos.
• No information in their profile.
• They message you on that Bond thing a lot when you don't reciprocate interest.
• They use feminism against you.  Like saying they are a feminist to not have to protect and care for you.
• Rush sex talk too fast - Rushing phone sex too fast.  If someone rushes sex too fast without getting to know you first, it means they don't prioritize getting to know you.
• Talks about your children too much (I'm sorry to bring it up, but child predators sometimes use women to get to their kids)
• No age in their profile (that's only acceptable for women to not want to disclose age)
• No location in profile (what are you hiding from?). Same with not disclosing relationship status.  The less info they have in their profile, the more lazy, not invested and/or secretive they are.  
• Their username is stupid like trying to compare themselves to a deep thinker, very rich or successful person unironically, any mention of comparing themselves to G-d.  Also, there are acronyms folks from certain communities use to refer to their penis.  If that is in their username, I run fast. 
• They hit you with a sob story before you even know if you like them yet.  Like on the 1st or 2nd message.  Usually its being taken advantage of by other women, gf or wife cheating, death in the family, etc... It's a manipulation tactic
• This happened to me way too much: they fake being autistic if you are autistic to get close to you.  Whatever your 'autism' is.  Depression, single parenthood, injury, you'll know.
• They write things in their profile about 'women or subs earning their care and affection'.  Like they think they are the woman and a prize?
• They address their profile to 'all the women' or say things like 'sometimes the dick just wants what it wants'. shit that they use to try to not claim responsibility for their own actions.
• They talk about how all women want is money, all these women are gold-diggers, shame you for talking about money like it's not a major topic we all deal with etc... If they randomly bring this up, they are cheap and I run.
• This one used to happen in my community a lot and is not true of everyone but I'm a jerk if I don't warn people:  If someone outside your ethnic, religious, racial, social community talks crap about the women of their own community and tries to lift you up as a better choice, this person is TRASH and needs to be discarded immediately.  
• They brag about how they just obtained a passport as an adult like that's some real flex.
• They discuss their frequent travels to third world countries with their boys (The truth is that they go there to take advantage of beautiful and impoverished women).
• They neg you, like trying to make fun of your clothes, looks, weight, they think your boobs are too big or too small
• Click on the button to see if they have forum posts.  If they say a lot of excessively shitty things about women, they may not like women and need to be avoided.  No you are just like the other girls/ women.  He hates all of us.
• They focus on your job or what you have.  This is a very feminine trait and means that they are poor, cheap, or want to rob your ass because masculine men don't care what you have.  They are too busy trying to impress you with what they have.
• They don't text or call as much as is comfortable for you.  A lot of the undesirable guys watch this mgtow or andrew tate BS and try to over-communicate to get you invested and catching feelings, then they go cold and get 'busy'.  When you try to discuss it with them, they get weird and try to call you needy.
• They violate your boundaries or consent.

I'm sure there are other things I'm forgetting.  These are just my red flags.  Like I said, could be wrong.  And I'm single, so just like sway, I do not have all the answers.  And some of these bullet points are mistakes I made or things I overlooked that went bad so I'm not perfect either.

Be well folks.

I loved it so much!!!  I had a great day. 

Some annoying dorks are trying to run elementary school game on me on that other fetish website, and it's annoying.  posted a question in the dollification group, because I'm slowly turning myself into a fetish doll for shits and giggles and I spent soooooo much money on this stuff and wanted to talk to other dolls about how to accomplish it more affordably.  I specifically said that I don't want a man involved, but it didn't stop them from sending a bunch of DMs trying to trick me or bribe me.  I had to go back to the message and remind them in all caps that I'm not a ho trying to trade blow jobs for plastic surgery I don't even want or need.  And they say autistic people are weird.  We have nothing on thirsty internet boys.

I didn't let all that stuff cramp my style too much.  I think I'm on a good path the way I've been transforming and playing with myself as a doll.  The skincare routine has made a huge difference.  I still get dark circles under my eyes sometimes, but it is amazing what a basic facial lotion will do!  Oh and I lost five pounds, which was my target goal.  Most of the lingerie I wanted to model fits, but I think I'll try for another five.

Have a great weekend people. 

Here's my daily video.  Not a lot of time to write.  I know the sound is effed up.  And my plan of double dipping plus businesses and contract work won't work with my tax strategy.  I forgot about w2 jobs and tax brackets.  crap.  I can't go back to school because that takes more time and money and I already have what is considered a decent career here.  Everything I know how to do takes more time than I can spend with the other jobs, businesses and parenting.  I think the answer may be to create and sell another company.  I have to change my tax strategy too.

Have a great weekend.