What do YOU see as your service? What does it look like to you? What things, acts, pieces are what you do as service?
I began this as an exercise in showing Amethyst just how much she serves naturally.
There are moments when she struggles to see just who she is apart from what she does. I don't want her to get caught up in all the actions. Anyone can DO service.
That isn't the point.
I have watched her doing dishes or cooking a meal and have heard her express, "I am doing what is necessary. Just fulfilling what needs to get done." She hasn't always seen those pieces as service. As a part of her submission.
It is fair to say that many out there, Amethyst included at times, only see their submission as "acts that are done". It is easy to get caught up in what our eyes see, and our mind may perceive as submission. Giving a blow job to your dominant surely is submission isn't it?
Is it?
I mean vanilla people do it all the time. Does that make them submissive when they do?
What about dominants then? When they go down on their girl/boy are they then submissive because they're serving? It's a fair question. One that still exists in the community where there are dominants that believe that is an "act of service" and therefore not dominant and refuse to engage in such.
To each their own in this regard of course.....is there any truth to what is actually service of action and then inherently submissive?
I would assert no.
Even kneeling is seen as utterly submissive, and yet a dominant that reaches down to fasten the strap of their submissives shoe isn't submitting. Or bending a knee in asking for marrraige? Yes, often relugated to vanilla's, but not outside the realm of any individual. I mean, whatever moves you right?
And THERE is, I believe, the point.
There is no action that is either inherently submissive or dominant. It is whatever is defined by the individual and the character, heart, intention put behind that action.
Example:
If I do the legwork throughout the week to ensure the laundry is done, the dishes are all clean, the floors are all clean, the linens are changed, the cars are all fueled and cleaned and I do this so that my girl can rest and focus on me and us for the weekend am I submitting? I mean I am serving right? Serving her best good correct?
Which dominant in a committed d/s or m/s relationship isn't there to nurture the peace and best of their s type?
HOWEVER that looks.
In the example above by anyone looking in they may see me serving. And, in some ways they would be correct. Because the example is born from me and my understanding it is filled with what I believe is honest for me. I believe in servant leadership. Lead by example. There is no way, in my lens, one can expect anyone to follow you if you're not willing to do what you expect.
You want to be served? Show your girl how to. Show her how it can look. Show her how you love her and cherish her just as much as you want her to show you.
This is, after all, a power EXCHANGE.
That leads me back to my beginning point.
ANYTHING can be intrinsically submission and service. But NO action is submissive or dominant solely.
It is service when it is from a heart that wants to serve.
That same service can come from a heart that wants to lead. Regardless of what the goal is in that leadership if the intention is to lead does it matter how it looks to anyone else?
My girl serves me by putting on her make-up.
She serves me by having positive and healthy connections with others.
She serves me by showering daily.
She serves me by going to the doctor when she needs to.
She serves me by going to work.
She serves me by cleaning her vehicle.
Why?
Because her intent in all things is to do it with a heart that says, "I do this so my Sirs' property is cared for and treated as he expects." She takes care and pride to do those things that are naturally beneficial to her well-being, joy, peace and contentment.
My role is to deliver guidance and lead her into doing those things that she wouldn't do naturally that benefit her the most.
Symbiosis.
The things she serves me in are as natural to her as breathing. Her mindset and focus is what shifts. Yes, many of those things are things she would do all on her own. With me in her life, however, she is able to release the feeling of burden of having to DO those things. She is able to focus those things on me. On us. On our growth and benefit.
As an example, when she lived by herself of course she fed herself. She made small meals to satisfy her bodies needs. She wouldn't really cook a big meal though. Why would she? It's just for her. However, now that we are together, she takes amazing pride and joy in being able to actually cook a meal. No longer does she live on small portion sized meals. She gets to experiment and cook fabulous meals she would enjoy otherwise but never was afforded the opportunity when she was single. There would have been way too much waste and going through that kind of work only to sample it for yourself isn't as fulfilling as sharing it with another.
This shift could only take place as I entered her life. She naturally wants to serve. She has a beautifully huge heart that loves doing so. But it required me. A man that appreciates who she is. Not that I don't appreciate what she does, please don't hear that, I absolutely do. More than that though I treasure the heart behind her desire to do those things in the first place. Because, to me, that is her submission.
It is true she is learning to shift her focus onto being herself FOR me. She is discovering how to surrender all she does and is to me. As I reveal myself as trustworthy and appreciative of all she is. She is discovering the peace that comes from doing what she must to survive and exist to being who she is for her best self. She's learning to trust my leadership here. That I am only here to help her be her best self. That she doesn't have to just DO for the sake of necessity. She can intentionally allow herself to put her heart behind her actions of service...... because it fulfills her. Because it brings clarity of purpose behind her actions. In the end she's learning to serve herself in the deepest and most enriching way.......by taking all that she is and does and giving it to me to cherish, treasure and lead her into her power and strength as a submissive woman. Not to take it from her, rather, to receive it as a witness that gets to remind her of how beautiful she truly is.
In my lens this is what power exchange is.
How that looks on the outside to anyone looking in is ultimately irrelevant.
Am I serving her?
Who's serving whom?
It is fair to say we are BOTH serving our connection.
Our dynamic.
To enrich and better ourselves. To grow and become the best version of ourselves.
Each from our position.
Service, when done through the heart can be either leading or surrendering. To build us all up in our unique strengths.
As a dominant it is my honor and privilege to be allowed to speak into Amethysts heart and draw out with built trust, perseverance, consistency, strength of character, integrity, patience, wisdom, understanding and a firm hand her surrender. She is a submissive through and through. She always has been. She's just never had someone she could trust to allow that surrender to be kept safe. I get the honor of continually showing her she's safe to surrender. She won't be manipulated, used, taken advantage of or misguided intentionally.
Isn't that what we are all looking for? Someone that will just see us? Will notice us and how unfulfilled we are without another there to serve/lead us into our best selves?
How each of us navigates that space is quite unique and different from one another.
Though.......
Maybe not so different after all......
I pray this day finds you focused on your purpose. What brings you joy and peace with deep fulfillment.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
