All of my adult life I have tried to be a good man.
I wasn't so much from the age of 1 to about 19.
I tried desperately as an adult to be a decent human being. To never be a coward. To always tell the truth, even if it hurt. To mean what I say and say what I mean. To live by the Golden Rule. To turn-the-other-cheek. I did it as perfectly imperfect as I knew how. I didn't complain, whine, find my lot in life as a fault or wrong. I embraced living gratefully for everything I had, when honestly, I gave away most everything I had to others. I lived for others happiness.
I always believed the best in people, even when I shouldn't have. I turned a blind eye to things people around me did that harmed themself or others including me. Believing I was being merciful, kind, compassionate.
Eventually, 20 years went by, and I had enough.
I was tired of being the one who always picked up the pieces of everyone else and held them together. When no one else cared to reciprocate on the rare moments when I needed support as well.
I grew weary of always being the one to work harder, later, more than anyone else and being given less than most who did a lot less and complained about everything.
I lost the energy to give to others that cared very little for that gift let alone the giver.
Time and again I would forgive and forget only to be met with reoccurring pain and the cycle of repeated using and manipulation. Even after I finally stood up and said something. For years I believed this was kindness. This was love.
I wanted to be a good man. A kind man. A man of character and integrity that others could count on. That others would know I was there for them no matter what. The sad fact is others did know, and they used it to their advantage without considering me at all.
It's not at all entirely their fault. I'm just as much to blame, I allowed it. Made it permissable. Approved and encouraged. Because it was my heart to give. And gave I did, until I ran dry and asked those closest to me for a break, or help recharging and it fell on deaf ears.
Maybe I didn't ask correctly. Maybe they couldn't believe I would ever bother them with such a nuisance. Maybe I wasn't meant to ask them for such, expecting them to do for me what I failed to do for myself. Maybe they simply didn't care.
So I went to war!
I battled with my own character. My own reasons for being "good". I struggled to feel accepted because I gave away my heart, my power, my value to anyone who asked because I truly believed it was the best thing to do to set the example of how to love your neighbor as yourself. I put myself below others as their servant believing I was meant to care honestly without thought or reward.
Imagine the surprise of those around me who were the closest when I stood up and said,
"NO MORE!!!!!"
I struggled in my battle within myself to find my voice. I had given it away to everyone. As I have expressed I allowed others to speak for me. Again, because I believed this was the true and honest way to care for another. Allow them to show me how best to serve their needs.
Was I wrong?
I've sat with that question for many many years now.
Ultimately what I've discovered was it was a necessary space for me to walk through to discover my voice and power.
I wasn't wrong to desire to serve others. I wasn't wrong to help, encourage, aid others in their lives.
I was wrong in how I allowed them to use me. How I ignored myself and what I needed to feel safe and met.
I was wrong in how I allowed anyone to tell me what I feel or should think or decide about why I care and what that should look like.
WHY ON EARTH DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER????
WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?!?!?!
Because I am speaking to you s types out there that believe that service is without a voice.
Because I have learned and discovered that you can't value anyone else without valuing yourself.
That no one will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves.
That service is beautiful and noble and deserves to be honored for the privilege it truly is.
That being good, and of service is NOT being a whipping post. No one has to accept abusive behavior to feel safe or heard.
Which one of you wouldn't say that a nurse is often times undervalued?
Which one of you wouldn't honor a soldier for their sacrifice?
When we hear of an s type giving away a naked photo of themselves within a week of chatting with someone new isn't one of the first things we think, "No, just no!" We beg s types to value themselves. To market themselves as respectable with values and to treasure the gift of who they are. We equally encourage them to consider the worth of their service. That not everyone will respect or cherish it as it should be. To be choosy and selective with their time, energy and service.
Often, too many are taken advantage of because they want to believe the best in someone. They hope for honest connection only to find manipulation. There are quite literally signs everywhere that show a person's character of abuse. Good people just believe that all people are good, decent in their own way. Honest. Because they would never be anything but.
I have had to learn lessons the very hard way. Have my heart stomped on and still I would come back for more. The war I have waged has been very painful, but necessary.
My Master had a saying,
'Be true to you and the truth will be yours.'
That literally means that YOUR truth is valid and you MUST live up to it. You must honor it. No one else can or will.
It is noble and honorable to care selflessly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a heart that desires such. You, however, SHOULD apply wisdom, discretion, common sense.
Not everyone deserves or has earned all you have to give.
Support others, yes. That's not the same as paying their bills for them.
Care for others, that's not the same as allowing others to push you beyond what you're comfortable. You're allowed to have your personal limits respected. Otherwise, even emotionally, it is non-consensual, which is abuse.
Giving to others is the best thing we can do as people, but would you give a pig a diamond ring? What use would they have of it? Would they cherish it for what it is? Don't throw your pearls before the swine. Move on. Some people are not capable of receiving what you have to give with honest appreciation. They won't see your gift as kindness or compassion. They will see it as what they want, and they will use you to get it. They won't value you. They just want a quick fix of 'control'. Which honestly, you allow them if you don't have boundaries around how, what and to whom you give your heart to.
Having boundaries is NOT cruel.
It is NOT taking from others.
It is giving to yourself. And honestly, if you don't start there, by receiving, you won't know how to give honestly and appreciatively.
It is about expressing why you have limits and how they serve the greatest good.
Example:
What parent gives their child everything?
Only ice cream for dinner. The whole quart. That's what they want.
It's not what they need though.
As parents if we did such we wouldn't be preparing our children for real life. They don't get everything they want. That's not real or honest. We would teach them a pattern that is false and set them up for major struggle and failure in the future.
They would expect from others rather than deserve. Rather than be the type of individual that earned respect, care, devotion, love they would be someone that didn't even know what those words mean. They wouldn’t survive in any relationship.
The same is true of us as adults. We often want one thing. We seek to get what we want, never thinking about whether we've earned or deserve it.
S types. A d type EARNS your submission.
D types. An s type EARNS your dominance.
Value your uniqueness, your care, what you have to give of yourself as if it is the most precious jewel.
Because it is.
Give it to those who will honor it. Absolutely.
Give your heart to those that prove their honest respect and care for you as an individual. Not seeking to change you or to fulfill only their needs or desires and use you up. You will NEVER sustain that. We cannot give from an empty chalice.
Be the type of caring individual that changes the world! That is NOT by giving yourself to be sacrificed to the point of death. How then can you continue to serve?
Our lives, our very breath is sacred. No one else gets to diminish us and keep us lower than them.
Not even in a power exchange.
All things require balance for them to remain in harmony.
The d type you surrender your all to should cherish every piece. All of you. By surrendering your heart you're expressing your desire to serve them with every piece of you. Make sure they're not a pig you're throwing your diamond to.
The s type you honor with your dominance should cherish and value every ounce of effort, energy, devotion and responsibility you share with them. By taking them into your heart you're making a solemn pact to give them your all. Every piece of your devotion, character, kindness, integrity, and heart. Make sure they're not swine that just wants to roll around in your dominance and cover themselves like the proverbial pig in slop. That's entirely different from respect, admiration, reciprocated trust and devotion.
I trust and pray you all will find your peace and focus today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
