Good day friends!
I trust you are finding your way through your day?
It has been a minute since I have expressed things that we dominants get to learn before we may be considered to earn submission in it's various flavors. Since it seems there is a neverending influx of new 'dominants' looking to lock down some submissive coochie. I thought I would take a moment to express some things that may not seem apparent to many.
This is by no means an exhaustive list.....if anything.....sadly......it is ever expanding! 😂
1. No one wants to worship you. Period.
Seriously. Nothing about anyone of us is begging for others to fall to their knees and suckle the wrinkled nethers. Especially when no one knows you.
Even IF a submissive has a praise kink......I guarantee you they have a very specific place they must reach in their comfort zone of trust before they would focus it on someone else.
Get a clue.
2. Trust Is A Continual Evolution.
Earning trust is perpetual. You want to know how to earn a submissives surrender? Extend trustworthiness.
"Wait, Drago, that is very subjective! How can I ever hope to win a submissives surrender if I do not know the things that they consider trustworthy?"
You learn them. That's right folks. Time. Effort. Above all.....PATIENCE.
I have stated this before and I will continue to scream it until dominants figure this out through their thick skulls.....
An individual that masters patience, masters everything else.
You want to earn submission?
Be diligently intentional with your trustworthiness and be patient.
There is NEVER a quick fix.
Story time:
I once thought because I put a capital D in front of a title of my choosing I was owed submission. I was the cats meow and everyone else should recognize!!! Needless to say, that took me all of one step with my shoe laces tied together.
I was (am?) a glorious asshole.
There was something I discovered though......even the most detractable of submissives towards me came around to understanding me when I slowed down and was patient. When they understood I meant actually no harm, many even became my friends, play partners, or lovers. BUT NOT ALL.
Which leads me to the next point.
3. No One Owes You Anything
You are a big bad dominant right?
(Crowd cheers YEAH!)
You are the master of all you survey right?
(Crowd cheers YEAH!)
You are tough-i-culs and stuff?
(Crowd cheers YEAH!)
Who the fuck cares?!?!?!?!
No one.
You are owed nothing. No respect. No kindness. No trust. No deference. No gratitude for your station. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
People MAY be kind to you.
They MAY be patient with you.
Then again, they may tell you to piss right off and never bother them again. Other dominants and submissives alike. You are human first. If you believe for any reason you deserve treatment above and beyond what you would not give to another you are an idiot, and should go back to kindergarten and figure out how to play nice with the other students.
One thing for CERTAIN I have learned over the years.......ones ego has ZERO to do with dominance.
Don't believe me?
Keep your ego and see how far it gets you.
Confidence.
Self-assurance.
Capability.
Are all things OTHERS see in you, or they do not. They do not come from your lens. If they do, dead certain it is ego and it is EXTREMELY unappealing.
Most egos put their words where their actions cannot go.
Ego's scream about how big their dick is and conveniently forgets to tell you it lasts 10 seconds in bed or never gets hard anymore.
One's ego is the pathway to pushing everyone away from you.
4. Humility & Grace Are Sexy
They are not something you can fake either.
You see those memes out there of the man tightening the strap of their female partners heel......humility.
Or of the big, burley biker guy hugging someone who has apologized for doing them wrong.......grace.
I will tell you a not so secret, secret......many submissives want the bad boy with a heart of gold. They want someone who knows where they are going and had the fortitude to get there while NOT stepping all over everyone else to get there.
I have had the privilege of witnessing many dominants receive their leather caps in service to their community. I would like each of you to consider what that means. They received.....FROM THEIR COMMUNITY......because they......SERVED. Because of their heart to give of their time, blood, sweat, and tears towards the growth of their community.
I am a staunch believer (and I have yet to find someone who can convince me otherwise), that the most valuable dominants in our midst are those who lead the way by example. Who show up and serve in real, live, actionable examples.
They also happen to be the most capable of leaders of their Houses or their submissives respectively. They know what it is like to serve, what it means to find their purpose, and to strive towards being the truest versions of themselves.
How else could a dominant truly know what they are talking about when they want to lead a submissive????
Food for thought the next time you are up on your high horse tauting your prowess.
5. You Have No Special Skill That Cannot Be Learned By Anyone Else EXCEPT being You.
What makes you stand out???
Where are you a trailblazer???
Do you just follow the crowd???
One of the herd???
Why would a submissive want to follow you???
No really.
What have you got that no one else has???
Is what you have marketable???
Meaning others want it. Seek it. Desire it. Need it.
What makes you more valuable than another dominant???
I mean, do you know how many 'dominants' reach out to the same submissive as you???
You do understand, at least for women, they have been sought, hit on, desired, lusted over, dreamt about, masturbated to, by 10s of thousands of boys and men since they hit puberty right???
Why on this earth would any submissive give you the time of day???
If WHO YOU ARE is not special, unique, different, why would you expect any special notice???
6. Your Character Is All You Have
For those of you 'dominants' that have ghosted ANYONE.......you are a worthless piece of shit that deserves NOTHING.
EVER
If you are not upstanding enough to be honest......do not expect submission.
If you cannot be trustworthy enough to follow through with your consistency.......do not expect to be trusted.
This is really basic here folks.
Who you are is how you show up. How you treat others who can give you absolutely nothing you may need or want is the character of you.
When was the last time you were kind to the gas station attendant?
How do you treat the waitress?
Do you ignore the homeless, or does your heart break, and even if you have no cash to give them, you stop and try to encourage them if you can?
These make up the character of a dominant.
I would vehemently challenge anyone who considers otherwise.
That submissive you hope to chain to your bed post? They want someone who has the character and ability to see them. See what they are giving of their heart is valuable, sacred, unique. That they are not just something for your pleasure, that once you are bored with, you throw away.
Your actions today......how you carry yourself.....who you are is not something you can hide. It will always bleed through.
Know this,
A submissive is just a human who has been burned SO many times before by wannabes and so-called 'noble' people. They have finely tuned bullshit detectors, and will quickly recognize your ignorance.
If you do not think that they talk amongst themselves, you are an even bigger fool.
Be someone with character.
Not a characterization of someone else.
7. Never Quit
Learn to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, even in the face of adversity.
Like it or not a submissive comes with their own set of life experiences. Many of which have been harrowing and traumatizing.
If you do not have the strength to stand steadfast and secure in the midst of their storms what exactly are you dominating???
8. Quit Talking About It and Be About It
The surest sign you are not a dominant is when you have to 'tell' or 'convince' others of your capabilities.
It reeks of insecurity.
Those that see your value will value you.....it is unnecessary to beg others to find value in you.
Grow up.
Show up in all the ways that are authentic and honest to you.
Discover who you are, what you are about, what makes you tick, what is your purpose and then be about it. Those who want to be a part of your world because they find value in your journey will.
9. Complacency is Akin to Dying.
There is no more sure way to push someone away from you whom you may seek a connection with than to find yourself complacent.
Deeper than laziness, complacency is a state of settling in, where you bought the recliner with shawl and seek nothing further in life.
It shows no ambition.
No drive.
No desire.
No passion.
AKA
NO PURPOSE.
Why would anyone follow that???
10. Do NOT Be a Dick
You found the perfect submissive that will suckle at the nethers and hang on your every command???
Nice.
Now what?
Because that is easy.
I can teach a pair of monkeys to do that. Hell, we teach pets to follow our commands every day. Easy.
Don't get so puffed up with what you have. You have a LONG way to go if you think you have reached the pinnacle of submission.
Can you hold her heart when she is scared you are like everyone else that has hurt her???
It is not your fault......but it is your responsibility to hold her in a safe container now. That's what you signed up for. If you think it's all sex, whips, leather, and chains you are a fool.
Don't be the dick that tells everyone how great you have it. How awesome your submissive is when you have zero history keeping that dynamic going through the lean times.
Cool. It is good, fun, kinky at first. Put that in the bank. Because you are absolu
tely going to need to withdraw from that reserve when the tough times show up, and it is a certainty they will.
I hope you find clarity in your purpose today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
2/26/2024
