When you start a family and have children you never really know how things are going to work out in the future. Some of us know that we are going to have to make sacrifices with our families that most never have to because of what we do for a living. We go into it knowing that, but you don't really know what its like until you know. You don't really know the cost until you have to pay it.
This isn't the first time I've spent fathers day alone, but it is the first time in this unique situation. This time I'm not deployed or gone out to sea on a ship. This time my wife isn't here to keep me company while they are states away with their mother. Because of our current situation we living long distance for a while so that means that I am here in this house alone with only the dog to keep me company. Now don't get me wrong, the dog is great company and I would gladly spend time with him over most people, but on a day like today it sure would be nice to have my kids with me.
Over the years I've found it very difficult to relate to people outside of the military community anymore. They really just don't have any idea and don't understand what its like to live this life. Most of the people that I grew up with have never gone more than a few hundred miles from our home town. Most of them have never spent more than a few nights, if any, away from their spouse or kids, let alone weeks or months at a time. Going through things like that kills a little piece inside of you over time. A piece that you never really get back, that will always be missing. It's a very strange thing to have people all around you and to simultaneously feel completely and totally alone.
Today is supposed to be a celebration of fatherhood, but for many men like myself it is much more complicated than that. It can bring up much more. I am profoundly proud of my two amazing children. They are easily the best thing that I've ever done in this world. Unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that sometimes days like today, that are supposed to be a celebration, are sometimes painful and utterly lonely. To all the dads out there I hope you have the best Fathers day possible. For those having a difficult one, I salute you, and know that you are not alone.