Eager anticipation fills me as I wait. Tomorrow , a few hours away. Whatever you would like to call it. A special package is being delivered. One that is discreet , one that I splurged on , one that is easily hidden. A smile creases my lips and a laughter of pure indulgence leaves my lips. If I can't get any from a certain asshole, then why not get some for myself. I've always been so much better at pleasuring myself than anyone else anyway. Pretty tired of using my hands too. The need to get myself off three or four times a day, grows tiresome with nothing fun to indulge with. I stupidly threw all my toys away after a couple months of being in the relationship , cause I thought hey, I have someone to take care of my needs now. Oh, how I loathe that mistake and choice. I laugh now at the realization not even three months in that he was never going to touch me. Never going to slake my needs, or wants because he wasn't even into women. Nope just his little coverup so he could continue to lie to those around him. Heavy sigh, so much money wasted. Ugh, tell me why am I so eager to please in relationships, relationships that are always so fucked up in one way or another.
The day I get out will be a glorious day indeed. Freedom hums inside my veins, coiled tight waiting to sing with the joy of it. Just a little while longer. Yes, I have my own source of income despite not working right now, and yes I am saving my money up slowly but surely. In the mean time , what can I say, a woman has needs, and they will be fulfilled one way or another. Even if it means indulging in toys ,once more, to sate them. I feel no shame in talking about it, because well, there is no shame to be found. This is an adult site, where we talk about adult things, so if one does not like it, one should definitely not be reading my blogs. I am who I am and that will never change.
My journey continues as you have guessed. This lesson being in learning to meet my own needs, and wants. To ignore others in their desire to control me, or prevent me from doing so. Its time I started spending a little bit of money on myself. I have grown weary of allowing others to take from me freely. Yup, this is me putting my foot down and saying no more. From now on if my money isn't spent on me, arcadia, or bills, it wont be spent at all. I am giggling in glee at the notion and thought. Like a naughty girl rubbing her palms together in the delight of the indulgence. I will say it is a strange feeling, after spending so long trying to please another. I tilt my head in wonder about why I waited so long to do so. Alas, giving hearts are so hard to tame sometimes, but dearest heart of mine, you will be tamed into self control. Til next time my lovely readers.
Let the self Love and care flow: