I have met so many Dominants who mouth great things concerning living the bdsm lifestyle, but when it comes time to put actions to their lofty ideas, they fail miserably.
I find that as I watch their actions closely, if they don't match the bravado, I tend to hold back my submission. I can never truly relax with them. If I'm interested in them, I might submit to them a bit to test the waters and see whether my impressions are right or wrong, but I could never submit fully unless I saw that their actions truly matched their words. Their words draw me but then their actions repel me. I don't like being caught in the middle like that and it seems that I always am in the middle.
Another aspect is when Dominants raise a sub's expectations but then take forever to fulfill those expectations. I hate it when Doms talk about what a sub should expect but then leave her hanging forever, without clear definition or a solid plan to live out what they just said. It makes me feel like I'm just an after thought. Or worse yet, the last thing on their mind, yet they expect you to be thinking about them constantly. I've already spent a lifetime feeling like an after thought. Why do I need a relationship to dump more of the same on me. I'd be better off alone, being that I could take better care of myself than a Dom would.
I also tend to get cold emotionally to their ideas and their person if all I experience from them is "smoke and mirrors". I no longer care what their ideas are or who they are. And that's a shame, because I get all set to give, and then hit a brick wall. It seems as though I'm forever hitting brick walls, when I'm being led to believe that I'm being given an open highway of opportunity to live out submission.
Are there Maledoms out there who truly care about a submissive in all aspects of her life and not just bonking her? I'm starting to believe there are not. I don't have a lot of lifetime left. At the rate I'm going, I'll be dead before I can experience a true BDSM, D/s or M/s relationship. I'm starting to think it's all just one big fantasy and nothing more.
Sorry to sound so negative but there are times when it seems as though there's nothing left to hope for. And living life as a single is more attractive to me than working on finding a true relationship. It seems like so much work for so little outcome.
