Recently I was asked to help someone understand what Christian BDSM means. These are some of the thoughts that I shared from my own perspective. It is by no means conclusive. It is meant to be a chunk of the whole to help the person begin to get a grip on the Christian BDSM lifestyle played out in real life.
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I am a submissive so I can only come from that viewpoint. I have no Dominant tendencies in a D/s relationship, though in real life I can be a dominant figure when necessary. Just not in a relationship between a man and a woman. It is not a comfortable role for me to play.
Typically the traditional Christian view is that the man is the head of the household and makes final decisions on all things of major importance. This follows through in D/s as well. The wife is typically a support person to her husband and the rest of the family. She surrenders to his leadership in order for the relationship to stay on an even qeel.
Both make daily decisions based on their individual roles and when something concerns both, then they talk about it and view the possible solutions. Make any changes necessary. Ideally they should touch base at least once a week to evaluate how things are going. If TPE is involved, this would happen more frequently of course.
Their relationship is supposed to be a mirror to society of the relationship that God has within the Trinity. If reflecting properly, this should attract people to God and stimulate a desire in them to know God personally for themselves. This structure is in Ephesians 5 of the Bible.
I cannot speak to male sub and femme domme roles in the home, except to say that this would most likely occur in the bedroom. I have no other reference point than that. And I dare not speak on something that I don't understand.
The relationship in Christian BDSM between two individuals is based on the fact that each one knows God personally. They have accepted the sacrifice that Jesus Christ paid for sin on the cross and have asked Him to apply His sacrifice to their sin. Once that is done, they become born a second time in the Spirit and made alive to God, becoming His forever children. This is something God does inside of them. They have a home in heaven due to what Christ did. Anyone can accept this gift from God. Whoever asks Him for it. He desires all people to come to Him.
The BDSM aspect is a proclivity that some folks have who are Born Again Christians. They crave a need to be Dominant or submissive in the relationship, either sexually or in everything regarding their relationship. You'll find examples of leadership and submission in the Bible, but not specifically bdsm.
Some people believe that Christ's sufferings are an example of bdsm. I do not. His sacrifice was unique and too important to relegate to such a trivial pursuit in comparison to the full implications of what He accomplished. To compare the two would be blasphemy in my opinion. His sufferings could not be experienced by anyone else for the same purpose as His was. His was perfect, holy, fully God and fully man. He brought man and God back together as one and healed the rift between us. The result was the free gift of heaven and becoming a legitimate child of God. No one else's suffering or sacrifice was accepted by God.
As a submissive, I see serving my Master in areas he wishes, in order to not only please him but also please my heavenly Master. We both would maintain our individual relationships with God but the fact that both of us would be Born Again, would give us a greater bond to each other and on the same track with each of us to know and do what pleases God.
Anyway just some thoughts.