Releasing What’s Inside

The date is set.

The place is booked.

The rules have been reviewed. 

Negotiations are being finalized. 

Limits, punishments, rewards, and more are still being discussed. 

All that is left is the wait...oh, that dreadful waiting! We’d both like to fast forward time but we both know patience is key. There are days when it’s bearable and there are days when I just can’t contain my impatience. I’ll be okay one minute. Then have a full anxiety attack the next. But He always calms me down! He knows me so well that He knows when I’m about to have an anxiety attack before I do. He knows exactly what to do and what to say to settle my anxiousness. 

Every day that passes we both realize more and more we are meant to be. Everything in life happens for a reason. All the suffering, the pain, the lies, the betrayals, the heart break, all of it is worth it because we finally found each other. It was all to prepare us for one another. 

Master, I love you more than words could ever describe. Thank you for believing in me! ?❤️

I’d like to thank all who have taken the time to read my words. Any comments, thoughts, and advice are always appreciated. I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

XOXO, 

Missub ?

All these thoughts. All these feelings. All these emotions. All of this...what to do with everything I have inside? Happiness mixed with sadness. Excitement mixed with fear. Hope mixed with impatience. But most of all...love!! Not just some silly little school girl kind of love. Not just some “newbie thinks it’s love” kind of love. Nope. Not the “she’s mistaking admiration for love” kind of love either.

I’ll admit, everything has happened quite fast. It’s been as intense as He is. But I know what I feel and what I want. I love Him. I want Him. I am His! Today, tomorrow, and every single day after that. He is the missing puzzle piece that completes me. He is who my heart beats for. Every cell in my body aches to finally be with Him and never be apart again. Though distance separates us, our hearts beat to the same rhythm. Waiting for the day the two finally meet and become one! Now, the hard part...waiting. The waiting is what agitates my anxiety the most. The waiting is what I hate the most. But...I’ve waited 40 years...I can wait a bit more. 

In the meantime, I am to keep a journal to try and release everything I feel. All my thoughts and feelings and emotions and hopes and fears. 

So, with His help, I found the perfect journal. All that is left is to find the perfect writing utensil. I looked but didn’t really find anything that called out to me. I know it might sound silly to some of you. But I just need that one special tool that will motivate me to write everything down. I explained to my wonderful Master how important it is for me. He asked me what I was looking for and I told him what I want. 

THEN...SURPRISE!

Master ordered it for me!! Am I not the luckiest girl ever?!?! His special gift for me. So perfect. I can’t wait to start writing in my journal with my gift!! 

Thank you so very much, Master!! I love it!! ??❤️

My heart is filled with sadness. ?

After an entire week of being with children...it’s time to give them back to their father. My home will feel so empty. It will be quiet. Too quiet. I can’t wait to move and be with them again! 

??

Before I even open my eyes...He is my first thought. Before I drift to sleep...He is the last thought in my mind. And every moment in between...He is always present! With everything I do and don’t do, say and don’t say, want and don’t want...He never leaves my thoughts. Every cell in my body is utterly consumed by Him!!  

I patiently and lovingly await the day I can finally be HIS!!

?❤️

_{Hello everyone! Happy Tuesday! ?}

_{After my rant (and taking into account all the advice I receieved), I decided to ask Him why am I not allowed to say if I’m hurt or just say how I’m feeling. We’ve recently been discussing that and other things. He explained that I am allowed to tell him. He actually expects me to always be honest with Him. He just prefers for me to show Him all I feel for Him. He listens to me when I am having one of my super emotional days and will either comfort me or bring me back to reality if needed.} 

_{I feel that our communication has gotten better in the last couple of days. A little bit of a wall has been knocked down. And even though that should bring me joy (which it totally does), it also scares me a bit. It makes me a little nervous. Just thinking about how far we’ve come since that first welcoming message I received from Him...well...it makes my stomach go into knots. But all those are positive feelings. I look forward to the day I can finally call Him my Master!!} 

_{Thank you to all who have read my thoughts. Your opinion, advice, and thoughts are always welcomed and very much appreciated by me. I hope you all have a fantastical day!!}

_XOXO

_{Missub ?}

I am writing this as I try to see through my tears. When I started my journey a couple of months ago, I was lost and empty. Like most newbies, I got used and hurt and abandoned. It hurt me to the point of almost giving up on myself once again. Until He reached out to me. He saved me from myself. It was nothing more than a Master helping and guiding a newbie. His taste is one thing and I was looking for something else.

But His raw honesty, His patience, His brain, His...well...His everything slowly made me realize what it is that I REALLY want. I denied it for a while. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Until I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. I told Him!! We’ve been going back and forth on how and if this could actually work. He tells me things and I say yes. He asks me questions and I answer all. He tells me to do things and I do them. 

However....

He underestimates my willingness to be able to give Him everything He will ever ask of me. I understand He wants me to know exactly what I’ll be getting myself into once I give him my complete submission. I also understand He doesn’t want his precious time wasted on someone that might not make Him happy or satisfy Him.

I admit, I know nothing of this lifestyle. BUT I do know how I feel and what I want. And I want nothing more than to make Him the happiest Master that has ever walked the face of this earth!! I ask...is my desire to want to make Him happy not enough?? Are my words not enough?? Is what I feel not enough?? Am I not enough?? I would like to know what will be enough for Him to believe in me!! 

I am scared out of my wits of all I feel for Him and all I want with Him!! I am frustrated beyond belief of the distance that’s between us and can’t wait for the day I get to kneel in front of Him! I am hurt like He has no idea of how little faith He has in me. I do know that this is His life that he is putting on the line. But what He fails to understand is that it is my life that is in jeopardy as well. More so than His and He knows why. 

I am not allowed to tell Him if I’m hurt. I am not to talk to Him about how I’m feeling. I am allowed to cry. So, I decided to start this blog. I am an emotional being and need to express my feelings. This will be my outlet so I can be better put together emotionally when I go to Him. I will do whatever needs to be done to make Him see I am not wasting either of our times. 

I only wish that He would have faith in me. That He would believe in me. I wish He could truly understand that He is the fuel I need to continue to move forward!!

I want to thank all those who actually took the time to read my thoughts. I apologize for writing a book. I welcome any and all thoughts, advice, and opinions. Thanks again!! 

XOXO

Missub ?