The Culture that has been here all the time

Dear Future Lover,

I look forward to spending time with you doing ordinary things like a walk in the garden or on the beach; a ride in the farmland or the mountains; shopping together and cooking. Learning all about you and sharing all about me with you. Learning how to surprise you with a gesture or a gift.

The most important thing that I look forward to is how we will learn how to love each other in every way.

I will be open to your needs, and I know you will be open to my needs.

The past for you and me will only serve as lessons to avoid mistakes and lessons to do better.

It will be my goal to treasure and cherish you along with loving you with my whole heart.

Sincerly

Your Future Lover

GOOGLE AI: Humans have a fundamental need for touch, crucial for both physical and emotional well-being, fostering healthy relationships, reducing stress, and promoting a sense of connection and belonging. 

Humans naturally crave intimacy, which is crucial for well-being and involves feeling valued, connected, and understood, both physically and emotionally. 

I can hug and kiss my wife (not to be crass), but I can do the same with my cat and dogs. Long ago, I learned how needy I was when deprived of this when my second wife abandoned my son and me (she, an RN, thought he was going to die young with his heart defect).

My wife, with Dementia Alzheimer's and Aphasia, is leaving me once more on the shore of an unexplored island without the intimacy I need so very badly. Of course, I will take care of her despite this and not abandon her.

Intimacy can not be purchased in Walmart or on Amazon. I tried to do so online and was severely scammed (my stupidity, of course).

I am so glad I can express myself here on The Cage without former friends and family criticizing or condemning me.

It seems most BDSM People honestly explain themselves. If you are seeking a Unicorn, a Little, a Sex Slave, or a plain Vanilla Sub, these attributes and many more are displayed up front. Nudity assists in identifying attraction preferences, such as breast size, and the male and female genitalia variations are offered, like just about nowhere else.

I have learned that certain vagina or vulva are more appealing to me. Smaller breasts likewise. I have a penus about six inches but its circumference is above the average. I am circumcised.

In society, it is typical to find a mate fall in love and adapt to what you both get sexually, but BDSM changes not only that, but we can reflect on body type preferences, and many love-making tendencies as well

Here within the BDSM society, I can define my likes and dislikes and tell a potential lover what my limits are and in what way I like to experiment. In general, one excellent lover I had before my current marriage explained to me how I was "kinky". In my nature but ignorant of this trait.

I was married three times, and by chance, my current wife of forty years and I were an excellent sexual pair until dementia destroyed us as lovers. The first two not so much. Youthful sexual exploits were all about my being satisfied, now I strive to please my lover more.

Thank you, BDSM community and especially this site for being so educational. I only regret not realizing all these benefits as a young man.

pixabay.com

Yes, I have written in the past things about my wife and about my being kinky, all that reflects my experience and knowledge previous to understanding and knowing about BDSM, and specifically Dominant and submissive.

Hindsight is 20/20 for sure.

Without a doubt, my wife was a classic submissive woman. That doesn't mean she didn't teach me how to be her lover, or rather her kinky lover. She had. Dom sub or switch, we had great sex for two major reasons: 1. I was willing to learn, and 2. she was willing to teach.

Yes, another subtle if not explicit complaint we are no longer lovers because of her ADA, I carefully tested the situation and confirmed that this is our reality, much to my disappointment.

With my libido intact and my doctors telling me a healthy life includes regular sex and that it is a factor in longevity, especially for men is of great concern for me.

I am in no hurry to become a vegetable that is not my goal.

PEOPLE ASK

Do sexually active men live longer?
 
Furthermore, their research showed that men in good or excellent health participated in regular sexual activity lived an extra five to seven years, and women in substantially good health lived three to six years longer.

I think I know why. Without quality sex in a loving relationship, there is no point in living, is there?

Yes, dementia destroys the person with it, but it also destroys everyone around them, usually as well. I write often about having my wife severely affected by Alzheimer's Dementia and Aphasia (early onset like Bruce Willis). I even wrote about moving from NJ to PA because family members told me they would help care for her, but they abandoned helping me in less than two months.

I attempted to explain this: I honor my commitment to care for my wife, and my caring alone began in 2017. Some of you empathize with me, not having a complete wife-husband relationship, some of you seem to believe that that is my problem to deal with (and it is). Not having friends to socialize with in this quaint, nice town with many positive attributes is like living on Mars with my wife, and we only take our spaceship out to go to healthcare. Groceries and supplies are brought to us with the supply ship from Earth about once a week. I experienced something last night disturbing; actually, two things.

1. I had a very difficult time getting her upstairs to wash and change her and into bed. And.

2. I enjoy many British television programs before I go to bed, and the one I have been watching lately is especially good: Bloodlands. Excellent story, mystery, suspense, and acting.

WHEN MY WIFE WAS NORMAL, WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS TV SHOW, BUT SHE IS OBLIVIOUS TO THEM NOW, AND I FEEL MORE ALONE THAN EVER. So yes, no intimacy is not good, but something as simple as discussing a TV show somehow seems even worse.

Link to the show:

One day in 1962, I became aware of war, politics, hungry people, homeless people, and government leaders (politics). Ever since, I have been expecting change for good. Sometimes a little good seeps into reality, but then a tsunami of evil washes it all away. I am still waiting for good to prevail.

Still Waiting.

Maybe in the early days of internet dating, people met and became friends and lovers. I don't even want to guess how many. But nowadays a days would guess at least 90% of online dating and meeting is fake. Scriped scammers or even AI bots. In my book, it has become hopeless even to meet a friend, let alone a real lover. It may seem too technical for some people, but I was hoping to have a woman friend who could ease the stress of seeing my wife gradually disappear as I care for her.

A FWB would be healthy since doctors told me having sex is beneficial and would extend my life, and caregiving has the opposite effect. I am not looking for a woman to replace my wife. A new friend and lover would be part of a new life. A life I would be hoping for in the future.

.

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This Terrifies Me: I fear that at my age, with an intact libido but a wife who no longer can have sex and may not even know who I am, and that we are married, I may never have a woman who would want to make love with me. I stay home and care for her without a chance to socialize, so it seems this situation has doomed any chance for a lover.

It is good to know what enhances sexual pleasure men and women enjoy; from this statement, it is not a mysterious thing nor esoteric knowledge.

"The human clitoris contains an average of 10,281 nerve fibers,

while the dorsal nerve of the penis (which innervates the glans) has an average of 8,290 axons. "

I would like to test out this knowledge one day for myself.

One of the reflections I find the one that often creeps into my mind is this: I wonder if my wife is bisexual?

Through the decades, there were hard economic times when I needed to drive long ways to work and work up to 70 hours and even seven days a week sometimes; I know at times my wife must have felt neglected not deliberately but my long hours (and one job away every other day) at times a victim of fatigue it now seems it was no wonder she had a girlfriend who spent more time with her than I could. They went places since the kids were older then and they shared caring for her friend's horse, and her friend had a beach house they went to. When things improved, I stepped up my performance schedule as a singer-songwriter, which was also a strain, and that didn't help, but they both would come to my performances.

I found her watching online porn and I didn't think too much about it.

I am paying for the neglect now caused by her illness, and I lament wishing I had been better at balancing her needs with mine.

Note, however, the time we took to make love was excellent, no complaints.

Jim.