The Culture that has been here all the time

What would be fun for me? I believe there are many nice things I can do, especially if I have the chance to leave the house: shop at a fresh produce stand, eat lunch out, take a ride and look at nature, including farms, walk my dog, and tend to my garden. Yet, while these are enjoyable, I cannot say they are fun-filled activities.

Having a lover would enhance all of the above, but if I had a lover once more, we could have lots of fun, enjoying sex and our kinks. Maybe someday I will once more.

image public domain

I can not estimate how many people are in the sex trade or related industries, but the government estimates about 30,000,000 worldwide, and it is at least a one billion dollar cash flow. 

If humans were realistic, there could be a widespread legal enterprise, and all involved would profit. Stocks, safety, health, and, with a proper age structure, taxes, and other benefits, such as collective health, would be a plus.

I admit, as a young man before I got married and while in the service, just as Paul Simon's lyrics in "The Boxer" say, "There were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there."

If it were to come up for a vote? I vote yes. pixabay image

I scan and read the news and feature articles each morning on several online sources, almost every morning (if not every morning), one or more of my beliefs are shattered. This famous hero, that movie star, a long-held belief, what was taught or what you were told was either wrong or not factual.

A big one for me? Old age is filled with "Golden Years"—everything from sickness, financial challenges, emotional strife, to fractured families.

Where are the grandchildren to enjoy and teach. Can I take a cruise with my wife, who has been stricken with dementia? 

It seems I've outlived just about all my family and most of my friends.

It seems to me that young people (at least during this era) shun older people.

Depending on which statistic you believe, 90% of your life is over: I am closer to the end than the beginning, I have heard it said.

The Irony with me? I still function well and move about fine; I have so much to share, so many stories to tell: My wife does not comprehend, and my Cat and Dog seem to say, "Yeah, yeah, we heard all that before, where is our food. pixabay

In 2017, my wife was diagnosed with dementia. In time, her symptoms increased. There was a period when she would break things or throw them. She wreaked havoc on our jewelry and rings. I removed my wedding ring at that time, and after several years, I still feel it is on my ring finger, though it has not been there for quite a while.. We have been married 40+ years now. pixabay

I understand all too well how difficult it is to trust someone on the internet: I have been lied to, scammed, and stolen from. I can't give up on finding a like-minded woman about 60 + or - to continue to explore BDSM. I still have my libido, and my partner is void of sexual function. 

If you want to explore BDSM together, I would be happy. I peruse the so-called dating sites for senior citizens and see plenty of older women supposedly seeking a sexual relationship. Here in eastern central PA, I have not connected with any woman who claims she is searching for a man to experiment with sex. 

Well, I am here waiting. pixabay

If you have true friends and family who visit, be sure to keep them close. All the people I seem to meet online are scammers, and they got me (I give up). It apparently is safer to be alone, even if the person you are with and caring for has been destroyed by dementia with aphasia and memory loss. pixabay

I caught 25 scammers by: 1. Discovering a lie, 2—misuse of language like syntax and idioms, 3. Trace an IP from email headers 4. Investigate name, address, and phone number (I used Intelius at this time, but there are others). 5 Google face recognition (free version). 6 inconguent narrative. 7 Use of brokers and requesting only a particular crypto. 8 Wiring money is untraceable but reveals much about you.

For instance, A Woman claimed to be in England with a passport; she was actually in Africa with a forged one. I sent several sums to the Philippines for a woman who claimed to live five miles away from me. An email supposedly from the mieast was traced to an empty building in California. Several women who told me they were local had phone numbers owned by people in other states.

I was suckered into an old inheritance scam  I found in a book in the library about scams, swindles and frauds. The information is out there; all you need is to be careful and approach a situation logically.

I hope you will not learn the hard way, as I have. "There's a sucker born every minute" is a quotation often associated with PT Barnum, an American showman of the mid-19th century. pixabay

Not just any sub because I can't replace the relationship with my wife that was lost due to her worsening dementia (the aphasia creates a huge communication gap), but even a companion to share interests would be nice. I need a free-spirited woman companion. A hippie type, a new ager even a witch would better suit my needs.

I tried to be religious, but in the end, the organized religion proved to me that without a doubt, their hypocrisy dominates all participants.

I returned to my core free-spirited self, so I hope I meet a woman likewise. pixabay image.

When I was a young man and probably into middle age, the desire for sex outweighed other aspects of a relationship. What was an eye-opener for me was just how many young women seemed to prioritise sexual encounters. The thought was that women peaked in their early thirties and men in their late teens and early twenties.

My experience suggests sex is and was always a priority for both sexes, male and female. Romantic love was present, but it wasn't as dominant as I had thought.

Reaching older years, neither men nor women in good health seem to decline that much with their sexual desires, though their preferences and interactions are both more direct yet subtle at the same time.

I suspect we humans do not abandon aspects of sexual interest unless we are very ill or have expired.

On my TV, a program popped up that featured music videos from the 80s. I began to watch one after the other, and I steadily sank deeper into melancholy quicksand. Those days were filled with challenges and successes, broken hearts, aches, and missed opportunities, which echoed in my mind. Devo's "Whip It," I Think I'm Turning Japanese, "Video Killed the Radio Star," "Everyone Wants to Rule the World," and "I Love Rock'n'Roll" were among the songs that made me so sad. 

I glanced at my wife sleeping on the sofa, knowing her mind can not recall these songs and the times we walked on a beach or a boardwalk, maybe took a winter ride as songs played. Hanging on the wall, my guitars are silent now. Recordings and photos were tucked away as if on another planet. All this caused an ache in my heart that refuses to go away. 

Yes, the big mistake is that I watched and listened, and now I wrestle with all these memories alone in the dark, with a slim chance I will ever find happiness once more.