The Culture that has been here all the time

Last year, during one of my text exchanges with a woman, she criticized me for seeking a woman FWB.

Yes, I have been married three times and had lovers between marriages, and my wife, who is ill, and I have been married for more than forty years now, but I openly expressed that I still craved a lover. My wife has been asexual for about five years. I have a strong libido and can make love in my late seventies. She criticized me as being unsatisfied with a life filled with love, especially with my current wife's love and devotion. I have given this constant thought.

Yes, I must be selfish and want more than what I have had in my life. Perhaps she is right; I should be satisfied and happy with what I have, because not everyone is as fortunate as I have been.

Maybe I am like many people, greedy.

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It may seem contradictory, but though I am active and even have a good libido, I feel my life slipping away along with my wife's health decline as her only caregiver. There is love between us, but it is 99% just memories. I thought that as I approach 78 years old next month, I would feel better and live with daily optimism. Google AI indicates:

AI Overview
Yes, love can be a powerful force that contributes to a sense of youthfulness, both internally and externally. While it can't literally reverse aging, love can positively impact physical and mental well-being, leading to a more vibrant and energetic experience of life. 

It seems like such a shame to know I can be a soul mate and lover and come up empty every day.

I remember many spring romances. The special way spring encourages us to find a lover.

I, in particular, would notice women with a certain walk that I found alluring. 

Pretty face, sure, but sensual body movements are the hook.

I dream of those moments and hope to experience it one more time in my life.

Hey, is there a woman who lives near me who would be willing to stop by and share a cup of coffee, so I can have a moment of friendship and get the feminine perspective these days?

My wife has lived three years past the expected life expectancy of a person diagnosed with ADA (started with early onset dementia in 2017). In retrospect, I can see that we missed earlier signs before that time. My decline into the isolation and sorrow of caring for her has been a long and sad road.

These days, I consider what I will do when she reaches the end. I was considering becoming a hermit. The problem with that thought? I am already living the life of a hermit. No one cares.

I had a dream last night that our family decided to reconnect and help me care for my wife.

In the dream, I also had numerous friends volunteer to help.

At the end of the dream, a woman friend gave me a big hug and kiss and said, "I love you."

At that moment, my Cat Sunny Day let me know it was time to get up and fill his food bowl.

PS. Our dog now stays with me one night and with my wife the next, and so on—equal opportunity love.

I have been through the mill trying to get help for myself and caring for my wife through every source I can think of, and I have come up empty-handed. The new healthcare facility, located one and a half miles away, is convenient, and the staff are fine, but this system, like all the previous ones, has not found a way to provide help in my home, allowing me to care for my wife.

I can pay $40/hour, but I can not do that for long.

I am a veteran, eight years older than my wife. I can get help, but at 77, I am still able to live independently, take care of the house and home, and my wife. The small IRAs we have, less than $20,000, keep us unqualified for supplemental help. I am trying to keep as much of it as I can for emergencies.

She is either in a wheelchair or on the sofa bed. I need to feed her now, or she will let the dog eat the food.

Some people do not understand how I can claim to be lonely. ADA prevents my wife from having meaningful interaction with me. 

The most upsetting thing people have asked me is, "So what do you do for fun?" I am polite and keep the profane response in my mind - give a sheepish grin and change the subject.

Why Don't I End it All? The answer is I am in the habit of going on living without any joy because it doesn't matter.

My wife descends a little more each day into oblivion because of he dying brain, but I can not give up on her because I love her.

This is not the reason I continue, however. I think the reason I continue to live in horrible, dismal mental and emotional circumstances is because I don't know any better. It's as if I must enjoy hitting my head with a hammer, because perhaps one day I will stop and it will feel good, LOL.

The original movie Frankenstein monster, in the scene where he says "Friend good," is the kind of void I live in each day. Maybe the reason I have no social life (used loosely) is because caring for my wife has made me into a monster of some kind. Therefore, no one wants anything to do with me.

Fooled once again. The whole thing seemed too good to be true, and that was confirmed when I was asked for $5700.00 to bring her to my house. The latest caregiver helper was another disappointment, and it exhausted my hope. I give up. I am sure that for me, a life navigated with misanthropic policies is best. Trust no one. I feel like an abused dog.

My native language is English, the US version, and it has many words with multiple meanings. That is why context is essential, and redundant phrases are sometimes necessary. Scientists and lawyers often define what they will use in a document.

Provoke and Evoke

pro·voke - stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion, typically a strong or unwelcome one) in someone.
"The decision provoked a storm of protest from civil rights organizations." Oxford

e·voke - 1. bring or recall to the conscious mind.
"the sight of American asters evokes pleasant memories of childhood."

2.invoke (a spirit or deity).
"Akasha is evoked in India when a house is being built to ensure its completion."