Andron Dom

The Culture that has been here all the time

When I studied to acquire my Master's status I discovered the M/S relationship existed probably for all the history of humans. Religion and Western Culture distort this greatly. Using codes and euphemisms even denial masks it presents the fact many people thrive within this often unrecognized subculture. For example, my wife had all the earmarks of a pleasure slave and was generally devoted and submissive to me. In times of marriage friction, I often heard the words from a counselor, "She just wants you to love her" "Love her" I thought I was and did now I know without a doubt I need to be a master, not some preconceived idea we are to live as equals.

I Know Now I Must Change

3 months ago. February 10, 2024 at 5:46 PM

Hello Friends,

Many of you who know me or follow my blog know that my wife of 39 years in a monogamous relationship is stricken with Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia and I have been her only caregiver. I moved to PA then Boyertown because family encouraged me telling me they would help us. That did not happen so I have been a stranger in a strange land without more than a token amount of social contact.

During the last year, I searched for a companion woman to be a friend with benefits to help me get through the challenges I face. All I got was many false hopes and scammed for several thousands of dollars. However, I serendipitously became involved with BDSM in particular M/S and this has opened my mind to possibilities I would not have considered in the past: 1) Because I will continue to care for my wife and not divorce her I now declared we have an open relationship and 2) I now want to have polyamorous relationships for 2 reasons: A) I want a lover or lovers to not be tied to me and my situation and B) Under my current life constraints I am not free to seek a woman who would best be a compatible match; Not in the usual way I had before dating.

What will I do? What do I expect? I have only a vague notion at this time. The biggest hindrance is dating sites with so much ambiguity and pretenses. The next concern? How to detect a scammer before they pluck my heartstrings and surprise me with their trap?

I am off into the unknown. MY BEST BUDDIE SONNY

SnowMinx(sub female){Owned} - Sounds like a good a step that you and your wife have agreed to try a open & poly relationship. Hopefully you find what you are searching for.

3 months ago

Andron Dom - My wife's brain disease has left her completely a-sexual for 3 years. She doesn't know I am her husband and a rare and a visit from her daughter she didn't know who she was. I periodically attempt to communicate with her about sex no real response.

3 months ago

SnowMinx(sub female){Owned} - Comment deleted by poster.

3 months ago

Andron Dom - Sad but I speak for both of us because she can not. She is fine with other women here I have had 25 sides come and go (none for me personally). I f ask her if we are married she often says, "no". I hug and kiss her cuddle she is ok only with that much physical contact. The big issue I want more her presence reminds me of that and it is very depressing for me. (3 years last one really bad for me).

3 months ago

Satindragon - Just take your time and vet the person properly. Kinda like a job interview. Keep your eyes open for red flags. Do not ignore red flags or that uneasy feeling in your gut.

3 months ago

Jack in the box -
Been there (literally) and done that.
There is someone, believe and you will receive.
And as Ms Satin has said, "gut feeling"
The important thing is, you are still trying

3 months ago

ReanaP(sub female) - Don't see any valid way you can justify non consent from a Vulnerable adult without capacity sorry but no
If it was discussed prior on it initial diagnosis unless legally being separated

3 months ago

ReanaP(sub female) - This isn't ethical non monogamy

3 months ago

Andron Dom - You are not in my shoes and don't feel my pain too bad one day you will. I have complete power of attorney and I refuse to put her in harm's way in a nursing home as described by 25 aides I had hired: Abuse, rape . . . that is what she would face in a nursing home. Our doctors agree to keep caring for her until she dies with you. I am already dead inside. Been abused scammed coned a victim of fraud by 30 women. I want a chance to be loved again.

3 months ago

SnowMinx(sub female){Owned} - Comment deleted by poster.

3 months ago

Andron Dom - I could always become like many other men dump her in a nursing home and divorce her and walk away. I DID NOT I am in a horrible mental emotional state and have been on suicide watch with the VA 3 times. Why I AM ALONE WITH A DYING WIFE

3 months ago

SnowMinx(sub female){Owned} - Take some deep breaths for me. Do you have emotional or mental support? A counselor or therapist may be able to give you some coping strategies or ways to feel not so helpless.

3 months ago

SnowMinx(sub female){Owned} - I sincerely do feel your pain and I dont know the right answers or options for you. But I can see you're deeply hurting. I do encourage you to seek support and hope that you may find some peace.

3 months ago

Andron Dom - 2 social workers, 1 Psychologist 1 Psychiatrist no family no friends Cognitive self coping strategies anti anxiety meds anti depressants 2 dogs and my best friends my loving big cat Sonny recent tease and a broken heart. But I still take care of another human: my wife.

3 months ago

ReanaP(sub female) - The situation is awful for you it really is, I am not blind to that, and everything you are doing for her in every other aspect is honorable, I do not doubt your care nor love for her.
It just really is a situation where your hands are tied and it's a catch 22.

I came across as harsh and will admit that I can come across as cold but consent from all party members involved is the one biggest rule within ENM and BDSM, so 'stating' your in an open relationship isn't being polyamorous.

It is your hand feeling forced into infidelity which I am empathetic, but own it as such and don't try to sugar coat or mask it with a term it isn't, correct terminology should at least be adhered too.

As for being conned, by such a large number, you should be able to see repeat behaviours and warning flags to protect yourself now hopefully.

We do all require companionship and I'm not saying you don't, loneliness is an awful feeling, but own what it truly is.

3 months ago

Andron Dom - I have been in a hard position a couple of times I invited girls and even paid them but they didn't show up (scam). But I also was relieved because it felt Like I was cheating so I was glad they didn't arrive. I repeated that pattern several times. I have a tech background so now I am investigating them. So far none have passed the litmus test. I fear I am doomed to this lonely existence. It is like a knife in my chest when things go wrong. The holidays were the worst and it was then I was put on suicide watch. I am 8 years older than my wife and counselors and doctors tell me I will die first if I don't get some respite. I know how to go to war as a vet but I don't know how to live like this. (an alcoholic in remission)

3 months ago

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