The Culture that has been here all the time

Even if you are in a satisfying long-term relationship, it doesn't rule out sex addiction.¹

1 (My AI friend) "It’s not about how much someone wants sex. It’s about whether the behavior:

feels compulsive
interferes with life
causes distress
is used to numb pain, loneliness, or stress
keeps happening even when the person wants to stop
It’s the loss of control that matters, not the desire itself."

Yes, I have a potentially addictive personality: Youthful indiscretions, a recovering alcoholic, twelve years sober, AND a preoccupation or obsession with sex, all wishful thinking now. Experience, willpower, and some professional help have immeasurably improved my control over weaknesses.

I have said my late wife and I were opposites in many ways, except we both loved sex, maybe too much? Is that possible?

I do have self-control to the point where it is painful, something needed in society at large. During my wife's illness, she rapidly lost interest in sex, and except for one very brief experiment with a FWB, I have been denied the joy and healthful benefits of regular, satisfying sex ² for most of the eight caregiver years.

2 (My AI friend): "Sexual activity can be part of a healthy life
For many adults, sexual activity — whether with a partner or alone — can support:

cardiovascular health
stress reduction
better sleep
improved mood
emotional bonding with a partner
These are well‑documented general benefits."

Another day to dwell in thought.

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Or is it that I must be practical?

Normal humans who are honest admit they need regular sexual satisfaction. I admit that. It has been unreasonably long to not have a lover.

In my life, I have had long-term relationships; the most recent was forty years. I also had a number of short-term relationships. I suppose I must be real. I am pretty fit for my age and can have a quality sex life right now. Can it become a long-term relationship? That is a relative term for a man my age.

It would be absolutely fine to just have lovers for short periods, maybe just a day or two. I have had those in the past. We are all grown-ups here, aren't we? Bottom line, it is healthy to have regular sexual fulfillment.

Friend with benefits is what the modern world now calls it. Yes. That actually has been around a long time because normal people need regular sex. Men and women have been having sex since the first man and first woman.

Yes, I get turned on.

Sex is much more than physical satisfaction. Writing this in a BDSM blog is like preaching to the choir (sorry for the cliche). I mustn't assume that all here are experts, nor that all here are lovers with long-term experience. Deep emotional bonding and deep sexual satisfaction are not mutually connected except in one way: through communication. Too much communication, however, can diminish sexual excitement by diminishing spontaneity, so we must somehow ensure we keep room for something unexpected in the mix as well (an important balance). If you consider that men and women introduce variation according to their sexual identity, then addressing this is important. Practice may be the only way to keep both sexes mutually happy. I am almost sure we all have experienced someone (maybe even ourselves) being sensitive about being criticized concerning us and sex.

I will ignore the exceptions to this statement: Sexual fulfillment is a blend of excitement, physical satisfaction, and emotional completeness unique for individuals because we are all unique in certain ways not limited to but illustrated by our individuality.

Examples:

Fingerprints & Toe Prints: The friction ridges, loops, and whorls on your digits are formed in the womb and remain entirely yours. Even identical twins have distinct prints.
Iris Patterns: The complex, pigmented muscle structure of the eye forms a unique pattern of folds and crypts that differs between both eyes and all individuals.
Tongue Prints: Like fingers, the surface ridges, bumps, and pits on your tongue leave a one-of-a-kind impression.
Ear Shapes: The size, folds, cartilage structure, and curvature of the outer ear are highly individual.
Lips: The exact dips, crevices, and wrinkles (known as lip prints) are unique to you.
Retina: The intricate arrangement of blood vessels in the back of the eye is completely unique to your nervous system

I'll stop here if you're interested in this subject. There is a plethora of information online.

I suspect most people who describe their ideal partner as a soul mate are referring to an emotional and psychological description. I firmly believe that sexual compatibility is an extremely valid point, and mating is not the only reason we have sexual relations. Typically, with intimate tactile involvement, tactile involvement covers a multitude of mistakes.

"Sexual joining" typically refers to sexual intercourse (or coitus), the physical act where individuals intimately unite their bodies. Biologically, . . ."

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I have learned that almost anything in this world is possible, but I ignore the things that upset me unless I can do something to make them better. Realistically, we can only affect what is in our path, but now down to the real point of this post.

I met a woman who told me she was a sub and very kinky. She only wanted brief encounters. I want more than that, and will only entertain a brief encounter as the equivalent of an interview or screening, not a sight-unseen candidate to be my sub. Yes, I have recovered from recent emotional challenges and chose to be a dom in my self-proclaimed style. Now.

I met woman X using a website intended for adults only. We exchanged messages, and we arrived at kink compatibility topics. I always treat women in my life with respect and only ask for the same in return, but we must be erotic and open and able to talk about our sexual preferences in detail. The conversations came to this: As mentioned, she was only looking for brief encounters, but she added one interesting detail:

To arouser her and make her pussy soaking wet all I would have to do is say, "Good girl."

Quality sex when we were 18 and later in life (like me) is not the same. Anyone who thinks otherwise, let me know.

In the beginning, in the era of free love (every generation had a time like that), connecting to a lover was easy. So many people suggested males were in a hurry and intent on self-satisfaction. I encountered young women who were exactly the same. The next step was what I call the unquenchable phase: Young men AND YOUNG WOMEN seemed to have an insatiable appetite for sex.

Somewhere along the line, as a mistress I had for seven years, I had expressed "quality, not quantity, is what I want." I created a bumper sticker that reads "Good Sex Isn't Just for the Young."

The storms in life disrupt every good thing for most people; they seem unavoidable. There is always a workaround if you keep an open mind. I gave up, tried and failed, and passed through a storm. Now I am willing to try once more. In my mind, I am younger than I look. Let's go with that.

From my new urologist about my nonexistent sex life.

About four years back, when I realized my wife had become only a dependent as a disabled child for me, my longing for a normal relationship with a woman blindly led me into the internet pit of vipers. I foolishly expected a companion and lover. Yes, I did briefly have a FWB; it became a challenge, mostly out of my false expectations and ignorance.

Now that my wife is in a beautiful glazed urn with a hummingbird on it, when I talk to her, it seems she tells me, " Go on with your life now. Her Alzheimer's, dementia, and aphasia were so hard to deal with; all our friends vanished, and all but one distant relative were supportive of my decision to honor 'till death do us part.

Now I can meet a woman who might become a companion, but I went through all the dating and hook-up sites during my faux youthful search, and all I got out of that experience was that I lost most of my money. OK, now you can read my blog and see I am willing to try again, but I feel I am blinded by several things, one being the experience described above.

I always give the ladies I meet the benefit of the doubt and trust first, and see what happens. All my past lovers (I haven't seen them in over forty years) still have a place in my heart that is warm and loving, no matter what happened back then. Somehow, I feel I am ready to love again. BDSM is a doorway to honesty, dom, switch, neither, or sub is all in my open mind.