About four years back, when I realized my wife had become only a dependent as a disabled child for me, my longing for a normal relationship with a woman blindly led me into the internet pit of vipers. I foolishly expected a companion and lover. Yes, I did briefly have a FWB; it became a challenge, mostly out of my false expectations and ignorance.
Now that my wife is in a beautiful glazed urn with a hummingbird on it, when I talk to her, it seems she tells me, " Go on with your life now. Her Alzheimer's, dementia, and aphasia were so hard to deal with; all our friends vanished, and all but one distant relative were supportive of my decision to honor 'till death do us part.
Now I can meet a woman who might become a companion, but I went through all the dating and hook-up sites during my faux youthful search, and all I got out of that experience was that I lost most of my money. OK, now you can read my blog and see I am willing to try again, but I feel I am blinded by several things, one being the experience described above.
I always give the ladies I meet the benefit of the doubt and trust first, and see what happens. All my past lovers (I haven't seen them in over forty years) still have a place in my heart that is warm and loving, no matter what happened back then. Somehow, I feel I am ready to love again. BDSM is a doorway to honesty, dom, switch, neither, or sub is all in my open mind.