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Jackdaws In Flight

Random musings of a bird brained kitty
1 day ago. November 19, 2024 at 5:30 PM

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of folks talking about others betraying their trust, lying, or straight up ignoring the rules of consent (and I am not talking in a CNC way... this may not be my jam, but Consent is STILL essential here).  Anyone, Dom or sub, Predator or prey, Big or little, should have their rights and consent honoured, and Consent can only be given if there is Trust and Honesty.

 

For Example (this popped up in a recent post):

If you have a transmittable disease (sexually or not), you should be up front and honest about it.  Someone cannot give full consent without true honesty.  If someone tells you that they are clean of all transmittable diseases, and then knowingly infects you, that is a Crime in the UK, no matter the circumstances of that transmission.  I don't know the law in other regions of the world, but I assume that in most this is also the case.  If you go into a relationship or dynamic and knowingly lie about something that serious, that is a massive breach of trust and negates ANY given Consent, also it makes you a MASSIVE DOUCHE CANOE who is only fit for fertilizer.

 

In all relationships, no matter how fleeting, they should always be built on Trust, Honesty, and Consent.  If you are friends with someone, it should be built on Trust, Honesty and Consent (especially if there is Benefits to that friendship).  If you are in a non-relationship BDSM dynamic with someone, it should be built on Trust, Honesty, and Consent.  Consent cannot be given if someone is being dishonest.

 

Being HONEST with each other (groups included), giving and receiving TRUST, and getting and giving CONSENT is SEXY to me.

 

If someone lies, if someone is distrustful, or someone ignores consent, they could be the sexiest looking person on the planet, and I would walk the other way if I saw them coming.

 

It is shocking to me that people in a Vanilla setting still do not get this, let alone within the BDSM community.

 

If you come across someone who betrays trust, lies, or oversteps the rules of consent, do not go quietly into that fair night.  Shout it out loud!  Burn that Bridge!  Shit, light the fires of Gondor if you have to - We have a duty to those around us to call out injustice, malice, bigotry and hatred in all its forms, and the best way of doing that is to stand by Honesty, Trust, and Consent.  And if you do, you are FAR sexier for it.

 

I never judge someone based on what kinks or fetishes gets someone off, but I do judge people based on their actions, how they treat others, and whether they have Honesty, are Trustful, or value Consent.

 

Now go out there and be the Sexy Bastards and Bitches, Littles and Bigs, Fuzzies and Scalies, Doms and Subs that you know you are!

amalthea​(sub female){Mr Gregory} - First, love that you used Douche Canoe. Brilliant. Second, I think people need to remember that honesty and consent are active. It isn't something that happens once and is done. Instead, it is an ongoing process of engagement, checking in, evolving together, etc. Communication is not easy. Honesty is not easy. Being vulnerable is not easy.
1 day ago
jackdaws - 100% agreed. Trust is also an active thing. Once trust is broken, it will take as long as it takes to repair that trust (if it can ever be repaired).

Being vulnerable is not easy for anyone, honest is a hard thing to be, and is a moving target too. The things we can be honest about change from day to day, but there are certain truths, certain things, that we MUST be honest about at all times, and disease is one of those things. Another is being honest about feelings of discomfort in a given situation. If someone feels like their boundaries are being stepped over, despite telling someone that they are fine, this can lead to terrible things down the line. I have seen relationships between friends disintegrate in the most awful ways because of this.

I encourage all who I have any dealings with (kink, vanilla, sex or no) to be honest with me if they ever feel uncomfortable with a situation or action, even if it is something they have previously told me is fine, even if they think it will upset me. It would upset me FAR more to find out that they were not being honest about something like that. I respect others boundaries far more than I respect my own wants or needs, as wants and needs are transitory, and while some boundaries can indeed be transitory (we all change and evolve throughout our lives), those boundaries must always be talked about before during and after any scene or interaction, to ensure that the current boundaries are respected.

Aftercare is also sexy, but I felt I was getting too far into this for a quick rant - The joys of recovering from a Flu Vaccine (I always get overly philosophical when I am feeling ill lol)
1 day ago
YvonneR - I believe that honesty and trust are important in any and all relationships. I have learned that if someone lies once and you forgive them 90%of the time they will continue. I also hate it when they turn it around on you and you are the bad guy. They get one chance and I'm gone. Thank you for your post. I agree with it.
1 day ago

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