Determination
When I first entered this lifestyle, I was determined to remain true to myself. No matter how much I wanted to explore submission, I couldn’t ignore how I had been raised and the societal expectations placed on me. Society trains us to fit into specific roles, and no matter how determined I was to stay authentic, I soon realized that I couldn’t. In the pursuit of becoming a slave, my determination was tested, and I learned that I had to let go of some of those old beliefs and expectations.
Realization
Over the years, I came to realize something important. It is okay to be who I am. For so long, I struggled with the disconnect between how I was raised and what my heart truly desired. Accepting that I am submissive, embracing that side of myself, took time. It was a slow journey, and even now, I still face struggles. But the realization that I don’t have to conform to society's standards, and that it is okay to embrace my true identity, was liberating. This realization marked a turning point in my personal growth.
Defiance
With realization came defiance. I understood who I was, but admitting it to the world was terrifying. I was afraid of not being accepted, of being ridiculed. I spent so much of my life trying to fit in, only to discover that I didn’t, and I never would. Coming out as a submissive, especially within my family, led to mockery and judgment from the people I once believed would support me unconditionally. This defiance caused tension within myself, making me act out and even rebel against my Masters’ rules. Unfortunately, this led to the loss of many valuable relationships with Masters in the past.
Discipline
My current Masters, who I hope will be my forever, doesn’t tolerate defiance. While they occasionally allow me small freedoms, they are quick to correct me when I step out of line. Discipline is a vital part of my submissive journey. Without it, I would not learn or grow. The discipline, whether it is through a firm reprimand or the sting of a cane grounds me, especially when I feel lost, scared, or overwhelmed by chaos. It brings me back to my center and helps me realign with my submission. Discipline is not about punishment for the sake of punishment, but a tool that keeps me focused and centered in my submission.
Absolute Obedience and Exquisite Beauty
As I continue my journey, I’ve started to experience the final stage: acceptance and peace with who I am. However, I still struggle with insecurities, particularly around my body. I’ve learned not to speak negatively about myself, and I am punished if I do. I don’t always feel beautiful, but my Masters help me see myself differently. When we’re at the dungeon, surrounded by others who understand and accept me, I feel liberated. I feel free, at home, and at peace. I can shed my insecurities, embrace my submission, and be truly myself. This sense of freedom is the true beauty in submission, and once I fully embraced it, I understood how transformative it could be.
In the end, submission is a personal journey. Everyone experiences these stages differently, but for me, they represent growth and transformation. Each step, each stage, has brought me closer to my true self, and I’ve learned that through discipline, trust, and acceptance, I can find peace in my submission.