If you could know the absolute truth to one question. What question would you ask?
TLDR: I know my heritage is Norse, Irish, and French. I can trace my lineage back to the late 1400s. After that all documentation are either lost, or in other languages.
If only I could ask just one question and be told the full, uncensored truth to it. It would be this: Where do I really come from? Not where I come from geographically, or by blood ties, but further, more personal. I want to know about where I come from with regards to my family. My ancestors. Their histories, their triumphs, their failures. I would like to know the lives they lived the legacies they left behind and how they altered the world they inhabited. To me, discovering my heritage would be more than a curiosity.
It would be a key to comprehending myself on a much deeper level. There is something about being severed from your heritage that can render the present disjointed. It is like attempting to solve a puzzle with no picture on the box to guide you through. Without the knowledge of where you're from, you may feel that you don't even have a clue of where you are going or why you are even going there. Having this ability to discover the histories of where others came from in advance makes me feel like it could fill in some of those gaps.
Like discovering a sense of belonging that I've always sensed just beyond my grasp. I consider my ancestors and wonder what they did with their lives. Were they warriors or poets? Rebels or farmers? Did they leave something grand behind? Or did they live quiet lives of kindness and honor, leaving their mark on the world in subtle ways? I can only marvel at the victories and disappointments they experienced. The things they learned, and the knowledge they imparted down through the centuries.
There is power in knowing that your heritage is made up of real people who fought and made their mark. Knowing these things would be like finding a missing part of me. Perhaps it could assist me in overcoming the feelings of inadequacy that sometimes engulf me. The quiet whisper of doubt that tells me I'm not enough. There is power to be found in knowing you are a part of something greater than yourself. That the same blood that runs through my veins ran through the veins of those who weathered storms, struggled and made it out on the other side.
I can not help but think that learning about my heritage would also help me with my struggle with confidence. When I look back on my heritage I wonder if it can give me the courage to keep my head held high. To be more bold. To stop running behind walls of shyness and fear. Step out into the unknown especially if it is towards exploring life's novelties. It takes a fragility that has to do with trust, receptiveness, and faith. It is something I have been drawn to, but my own fears hold me back from really going after it. Especially with aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.
If I could tap into the strength and the toughness of those who came before me. I would no longer lack confidence. I could stand in my own power, with a deep sense of knowing that I am not alone. That I carry the histories of generations within me, each one imparting me with a piece of wisdom and strength. It could be that the self assurance I seek is not something I must build from scratch but something that can be reawakened. In the sense of recognizing that I have always been a part of something so much greater than myself. So many times, what we're actually searching for is realizing where we came from.
I believe that by uncovering my ancestors' stories. I would be able to repair pieces of myself that exist in fragments. I no longer would have to go out and seek validation from the world and instead find it within the unbroken lineage of my heritage. To know where I truly belong could be the key that unlocks a part of me that is bold, self assured, and free. I will keep seeking, whether in family records, in books on history, or even during the calm moments when I reflect on the things we don't know. Perhaps in seeking, I will be able to gain the courage to embrace not just the questions, but the answers as well. Perhaps it is time to learn from those stories what they have to teach.
So tell me, what is it you would want to know?
