Is there a decision you've made that you wish you could undo? Why?
Disclaimer: I want to acknowledge that I’ve only lightly touched on this topic, as it was an incredibly difficult period in my life. Going into further detail would have been too overwhelming for me, and I recognize that doing so might also trigger painful emotions for others.
TLDR: I will never again allow someone I barely know to take control of me or violate my boundaries and consent, under any circumstances.
In 2020, my Master Damon recognized that there were some personal skills he wanted to develop as a Dominant. He believed that working with a mentor would be beneficial for his own growth, and in his wisdom, he decided to seek one out. The idea of a mentor was not unfamiliar to me. Many Dominants work with mentors to continue refining their craft. As someone who also mentors others, I understand the value in learning from someone experienced, especially when it comes to navigating complex power dynamics.
However, when Damon’s mentor suggested that I allow him to take control of me during this time, I had to take a step back and consider it. The mentor explained that, for the duration of his program, he was not permitted to have ownership over a slave. Which meant I would temporarily be placed under his care. It was a request that didn’t seem entirely out of the ordinary. After all, mentors often step in and take charge in these situations, especially when it is easier to teach someone without the added responsibility of maintaining an active dynamic with a partner.
At first I agreed to the arrangement. I trusted Damon, and I understood that this was a temporary situation for his growth. For a while, it wasn’t all that difficult. The mentor’s authority didn’t feel overwhelming, and I was able to follow his guidance without too much emotional strain. However, as the months went on, things began to change in ways I never expected.
The mentor, over time became increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive. It was subtle at first. Something I could brush off or justify. As the year passed, it became harder to ignore. I found myself questioning my own reality. Unsure of what was truly happening. He would tell Damon one thing, and me something entirely different, keeping us at odds, trying to destroy our relationship. He violated my consent multiple times. And for reasons I still don’t fully understand, I allowed it to happen. In hindsight I acknowledge that I didn’t recognize the abuse for what it was in those moments. But I also accept full accountability for allowing it to continue for as long as I did. That was my responsibility, and I own that every single day
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A year into this toxic situation, I reached my breaking point. I realized that I could no longer tolerate the mistreatment. I decided it was time to take control of my own life again. I told the mentor that I was done. I also told Damon that we needed to either end this mentorship and refocus on our relationship or that I would walk away and he could find someone else when he was done. I wasn’t going to let this continue any longer.
The trauma from that year still affects me. It is something I carry with me, and it has become a part of my healing journey. I didn’t expect to face this type of pain, but I also understand that healing takes time. Every day I work on moving forward, reclaiming my strength, and processing the emotional scars that remain. I don’t blame myself for the choices I made during that time, but I do hold myself accountable for not recognizing the signs sooner. Growth often comes through hardship, and this experience, though painful, is part of my growth as a person, a submissive, and a member of this community.
As I heal I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and more mindful of my boundaries. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and speak up when something doesn’t feel right. I continue to work through the emotional residue of that experience. Slowly rebuilding the trust I once had, and embracing the lessons that came with it. While I may never forget the impact of that year, I believe that I am stronger for having gone through it.
I share this not for sympathy, but as a reminder that healing is a process. We all go through tough times, and while those times may leave scars, they do not define us. I am still on this journey, and I will keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Note: I am not angry with Damon over this situation. The moment I explained what was happening, he ended everything with this mentor. I trust Damon with my life, and we both thought we could trust this person. My anger is directed at the situation and the deception we endured. This person had an agenda to manipulate and steal me away, and that is something I will not tolerate.
I will not accept any harassment directed towards Damon for what happened. Anyone in my circle who engages in this behavior will be blocked from both my account and his.