A Reminder About Consent and Boundaries
Disclaimer: I just want to take a moment to say that I’m honestly tired of hearing people call something a "consent violation" when things go wrong, and they didn’t take the time to negotiate beforehand. If you don’t speak up and lay out your limits, that’s a breakdown in communication, not a violation. Please, take responsibility for your own safety and well being.
When it comes to engaging with others, especially in intimate or high risk situations. It is easy to assume that the other person will have your back. Maybe you trust them because they've been in the lifestyle for a long time or seem incredibly responsible. But here's the hard truth: You are ultimately responsible for your own safety, well being, and boundaries.
If you choose to enter any situation without clearly negotiating terms and limits, that is your choice. And if something goes wrong because you didn't communicate your boundaries, it is important to understand that you cannot blame the other person. The responsibility lies with you, not them.
This isn’t about blaming anyone else or assuming the worst about the people you're engaging with. It is about being proactive in protecting yourself and ensuring that your needs and limits are communicated clearly from the start. If you don’t negotiate, or if you choose to stay silent about your boundaries, that is not a consent violation. When something happens, it is a communication failure on your part.
We all have to learn how to express our boundaries, limits, and desires in a way that keeps us safe, mentally and physically. It is not just about asking for things to stop when you're uncomfortable. It is about setting those expectations before you ever begin. That way, everyone involved knows exactly where you stand, and you're more likely to feel empowered and secure.
Blaming others for not respecting boundaries when you never voiced them is counterproductive. It is important to stop avoiding responsibility and take ownership of your own safety. Learn yourself better, know your limits, and communicate them clearly and confidently. No one else can do this for you, and the responsibility for your well being should never fall on someone else's shoulders.
So, the next time you're preparing to engage with someone, whether it is in a playful or intimate setting, remember: You are the one in charge of ensuring your safety. Speak up for yourself. Take control of your own boundaries. And always remember that your voice is your power. So use it!