Have you ever been caught masturbating?
Let me take you back to a time when my hormones were raging, my sense of self inhibition was non existent, and my understanding of privacy was barely skimming the surface. I was a naive eighteen year old, firmly entrenched in the volatile realm of young adulthood, where curiosity often led to awkward and unforgettable experiences.
Now, don’t get me wrong, self love is an essential part of growing up. Something we all venture into at some point. Unfortunately, my first encounter with this topic turned into quite the spectacle. It all started one random night when a certain phone call led to an unexpected escalation of events. Ah yes, the glorious age of flip phones and questionable choices.
So there I was, having what I thought was a private conversation that was definitely on the adult side of the scale and absolutely delightful if I may say so myself. My imagination was running wild, fueled by an enthusiastic partner on the other end of the line. As I began to indulge in my newfound expertise on the subject of self love, I forgot one crucial element. The thin walls of our family home and the fact that my brothers were asleep just down the hall.
My zest for life and, let’s be honest, my vocal enthusiasm. Didn’t just awaken my own senses. No, it decided to awaken my brother, who, in a panic, assumed that I was in danger. You know that cartoonish moment where someone bursts through a door like the Kool Aid Man? Yes, that was my mother, and the horror in her eyes could have curdled milk. She barreled in as if she were responding to a five alarm fire, only to find her eldest child, totally unfazed and utterly confused, enjoying a personal moment of ecstasy.
In that awkward split second when the world seemed to shift on its axis, time stood still. I’m pretty sure I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was trying to process my mother standing there, with her hand covering her mouth, and I was desperately grasping at whatever shred of dignity I had left.
Let’s just say my reputation didn’t recover as swiftly as my ego after that incident. Family dinners turned into a minefield of inside jokes, clandestine winks, and the occasional eye roll whenever anyone mentioned ‘intimate calls’. Who knew that self love could spark so much comedic relief for the family? Or my own humiliation. Nonetheless, I learned some vital lessons that night. Soundproofing is essential, and maybe, just maybe, a little privacy goes a long way, and always remember to lock the door.
Now, as I look back on that cringe worthy moment, I can’t help but laugh. It taught me the importance of humor when navigating the sometimes awkward journey of self exploration and love. So to all the brave souls out there embarking on your own explorations, remember to lock the door, maybe invest in some soundproofing, and above all else, just have fun.