I want to take a moment to share something that's been on my heart, both as a reminder of personal boundaries and as a reflection on how deeply our past experiences can shape our reactions.
I’m very protective of my dynamic and relationship. It is incredibly important to me that others respect that what works for one couple may not work for another. I often hear people say things like, “I would never do that as a Dominant,” or “I wouldn’t expect my submissive to do those things,” and honestly, good for them. But here’s the thing: they’re not me. They’re not part of my dynamic, and they’re not living my experience. We all build our relationships based on mutual consent, trust, and the specific needs of those involved.
Yes, just like any relationship, mine isn’t perfect. I occasionally vent to fellow submissive friends when I need support or clarity, and most of the time, they lovingly tell me I’m overthinking it. That’s part of community, and I appreciate that space.
Recently, though, I came across a situation that really upset me. I overheard a conversation where a submissive was going to accept a punishment for something that, to me, clearly crossed into hard limit territory. They were being asked to do something at work they physically couldn’t do. I initially tried to be supportive, even suggesting alternative punishments they might negotiate, but I also emphasized that it wasn’t my place to interfere.
Still, I found myself deeply unsettled, and after a few days of reflection and talking with others, I realized I was triggered. Years ago, I was punished in my own dynamic due to a major misunderstanding. My then-“Dominant”, a title I now use loosely in his case, refused to hear me out. The punishment was so extreme, I ended up in a coma for three weeks. Though it happened a long time ago, the emotional scars clearly still run deep.
That experience shaped some of the core boundaries I live by today:
I will not engage in a dynamic without hard limits and safewords.
I will never again accept being tied down for punishment.
If I am physically or emotionally unable to do something, I will not be punished for it, especially not over miscommunication.
Hearing someone else in a vulnerable situation, not calling their safeword and preparing to endure punishment, brought all of those emotions flooding back. It truly rocked me.
That said, I did speak privately with the submissive involved. They assured me they were okay with the situation, and that helped ease my mind. I recognize that every dynamic is unique, and it is not my place to police how others navigate their relationships. I fully respect that. But it was a powerful reminder of how certain wounds can still be raw, even years later.
So, to those in the community: please take care of yourselves. Be aware of your limits, and make sure your voice is heard in your dynamics. And to others who witness things that don’t sit right, remember, sometimes it is not about judgment, but about unresolved pain surfacing in unexpected ways.