Finding Your Voice in Negotiation and Vetting
TLDR: This is just my personal opinion. I know that some dynamics and relationships choose not to use safewords, contratcts, instead following approaches like PRICK, RACK, and others. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. In the end, there’s no “one right way” to Power Exchange. What matters is that both parties are fully informed and enthusiastically consenting. When you’re negotiating a power exchange or vetting a potential partner, the very first thing you need to do is know yourself. Not just the surface “I like this, I don’t like that,” but truly know, deep down, your wants, your needs, your absolute deal breakers. You have to understand the kind of submissive (or Dominant) you are, and what type of dynamic you are truly seeking.
Because if you don’t know these things, you’ll have no foundation to stand on when it comes time to communicate them. And in power exchange, communication isn’t optional, it is essential. Once you know yourself, your next priority is to use your voice. Speak up about what you want and what you need. Don’t sit silently and hope the other person will somehow just know. You are an active participant in your relationship, not a passive bystander. That means clear communication, enthusiastic consent, and awareness of the risks involved in the choices you make.
And yes, safewords are for everyone.Dominants can (and should) use them too. They are not a sign of weakness, they’re a sign of mutual care and safety. If you’re unwilling to speak your needs, express when something’s wrong, or use a safeword when necessary, you’re not only putting yourself in danger, you’re also making yourself unsafe for others to engage with. If you allow yourself to be manipulated or coerced into doing things you don’t want, whether that’s signing a contract, entering a verbal agreement, or accepting a dynamic, honorific or S&M situations, simply because you’re too afraid to speak up or set a boundary, you’re not protecting yourself or the person you’re engaging with.
The truth is, the dynamic will only be as healthy and safe as the parameters you set together. And silence? Silence can set more dangerous terms than you realize. Be very aware of what you’re agreeing to. Be equally aware of what you’re not consenting to but allowing out of fear, fear they’ll be upset, fear they’ll walk away. Sometimes, letting people walk away is the healthiest, safest thing you can do. Because in the end, someone who will not respect your voice, your boundaries, and your safety does not deserve your submission , or your Dominance.