My First Step: Therapy!
Living in a power exchange dynamic when you carry abandonment wounds can feel like a tightrope walk some days. Even when I know I am safe, loved, and valued, those old voices still sneak up on me. They whisper things like “What if they leave?” or “What if I’m not enough?” And when they do, I often have to pause, breathe, and walk myself back down.
For me, that usually looks like stopping whatever spiral my mind wants to run down and reminding myself of reality. “I am not being abandoned right now. I am not that child anymore. I am here, I am cared for, I am chosen.” Saying those words to myself, sometimes out loud, helps me ground back into the truth instead of the fear.
But walking myself down isn’t the only tool I lean on. There are a few other ways I’ve learned to soften those jagged edges,
Clear communication. Sometimes, when the fear gets too loud, I tell my Masters exactly what I’m feeling, without expecting them to fix it. Just saying, “I’m having some abandonment thoughts right now” can take the pressure off my chest. Often, their reassurance is enough to settle me back into place.
Written reminders. I keep little notes, texts, or messages from my Masters that remind me of my place and my worth. Reading those when my mind is screaming otherwise helps me anchor to something solid.
Structure and rituals. Following through on protocols, rituals, or tasks helps me feel secure. They remind me that the dynamic is alive and breathing, even if my brain is playing tricks on me.
Soothing touch or grounding exercises. Sometimes it is as simple as holding an object that belongs to my Masters, or focusing on my breathing. Other times, it is curling up under a blanket, with my stuffies and giving myself permission to feel small and safe until the storm passes.
At the end of the day, abandonment issues don’t magically disappear. They walk beside me in this life, but they don’t get to lead me. In my dynamic, I’ve learned that submission doesn’t mean I never wobble, it means I choose, again and again, to stay soft and open even when the fear tries to harden me.
And maybe the most important part? I remind myself: I am still here. I am still choosing this. I am still worthy of being chosen too.