Does every sub have the same problem with decision making as I seem to?
In the vanilla world, I have some issues sometimes, but not nearly as bad as I do behind closed doors. In the real world, I am able to be more decisive and while sometimes I do, I rarely find myself having such a tough time that I am frustrated by it.
The other night visiting with Daddy, I was instructed to go to his toy bag and chose a toy. Ugh!!! Every fiber of my being screamed "NO!" It felt wrong, unnatural, and like I'd just been told to stick a needle in my eyeball. In fact I think that would have been preferable than choosing a toy. At least I'd have a clear directive, lol.
I expressed my frustration by this request, but I did try. I looked over everything, while squirming with anxiety on the inside. I don't think he intended this feeling within me, I think he just wanted me to choose my favorite to have a good time with, and also maybe to get insight into what I like best, but in this moment being put on the spot, I decided none. I chose to forgo any toy and just have him. Which is ultimately my favorite anyway, and while the toys have their time and place, and can be quite fun, being given the task of choosing one turned my stomach and made me suddenly repulsed by the site of them.
I'm not sure if this is a confidence issue, or a fear of choosing "wrong", or what.
I have seen TikToks about the community/lifestyle/whatever you want to call it and several of them have suggested that it's not uncommon for a Dom to order their sub to Dom for the day.
To that, I say *insert Michael Scott* NO, PLEASE GOD NO, WHY, NOOOOO.
I hope and pray this is never suggested because if so, I will be the least dommiest Dom that ever didn't Dom. I can't even fathom being in that head space with my partner. I don't want to be the one making decisions. I do not like being out of my comfy little comfort zone. It's nice here. 😌
That said, mad respect to the (good)Doms. It's a lot of responsibility on your plate, in your role. I always find it so fascinating to imagine a person enjoying that side of the slash, but I'm sure glad you exist!