I've come to the realisation that I need a night out. More specifically a boy's night. Haven't been in male only company in such a long time.
With the best will in the world, and accepting that I love all my female friends and family, I'm a different person when I'm hanging in bale only company.
And I miss that guy. It's a side of me that needs to be expressed occasionally.
My curse has always been to be able to see how things will go wrong. But, like Cassandra, people never believe me.
Overdoing the trope, my family has a history of blindness, too.
ElseWeb, there was a conversation around dominants and their voices - specifically what words and phrases gave each sub particular tingles.
I made the point that, in my experience, the words themselves weren't particularly important. Rather the intent and tone behind the words were, for me, where the actual Dom bit resided.
In fact, I said, there is a temptation for a Dom to use particular vocabulary - big words, if you like - and perhaps an archaic turn of phrase to suggest an intellectual or academic superiority, to season the Dom's authority with the spice of intellectualism.
Yet, often keeping communication simple and direct has greater effect. At least, that is my experience.
My friend then told me that was a very apt description of the vibe she got from me. That set us talking.
Then I elaborated - again, all this is purely my opinion and I'm very far from an authority on such things - if you'll pardon the pun.
There's a kinda tell that inexperienced Dom's have - and that is when they feel they have to be strong , dominant and authoritative all the fucking time.
They're terrified of coming across as fake/weak so they can't back down on anything in any circumstance. Makes them a real chore to deal with.
We learn to be dominant so that we don't have to be dominant. Just like we learn to fight so we don't have to fight. That's cos the less you look like a victim, the less likely you are to be attacked.
With domination, it's slightly different. We learn to be a Dom, so that everything we do has domination in it. We don't have to wave our Dom flag and bark orders all the time - cos "the Dom bit" is there inside and is plain as day - for anyone with the eyes to see.
As ever, this is just my experience that has taught me this, YMMV.
I posted this as a comment to someone's opine around loneliness elseweb. I thought it was worth reposting here.
Loneliness can be a real albatross around your neck. And fixing it isn't as simple as interacting and hanging out with people. All that does is reiterate the fact that you're not quite like everyone else - or rather, you don't seem to quite fit with other people. Other people are the ones who make you feel ostracised in the first place. Like a single jigsaw piece in the wrong box.
Interacting with other people just highlights how different, how alien you are. You want and value different things - when you actually want anything at all.
Solitude is preferable to the uncomfortable friction that other people provide. Somehow, that doesn't seem to be the case for others. So why is it so obviously the case whenever we're foolish enough to strive for company?
What is needed is to find the right people to include in your life. People who are like you on the inside - or, at least, the yin to your Yang.
Of course, finding those people is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Complicated by the fact you have an allergy to that same hay in the first place.
Then again, some people can master loneliness - they can get through being alone without being lonely. There is strength in that
Soon, I'll be attending Thunorsmoot. A heathen festival. Freyjasmoot last year was very enjoyable, but day tickets were all I could manage that time.
This year will involve camping with fellow heathens over a long weekend.
It will be good to see old friends again. I can't wait.
Learn to access your inner bastard.
Once you've done that, everything else falls into place much smoother.
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”
He took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Making two possibilities a reality
Predicting the future of things we all know
Fighting off the diseased programming
Of centuries, centuries, centuries, centuries
Science fails to recognize the single most
Potent element of human existence
Letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth
Science fails to recognize the single most
Potent element of human existence
Letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith
Letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Spirit moves through all things
Science has failed our Mother Earth
When you want more than you have
You think you need
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
'Cause when you have more than you think
You need more space
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely without me
There's those thinking, more or less, less is more
But if less is more, how you keeping score?
Means for every point you make, your level drops
Kinda like you're starting from the top
You can't do that
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely
Without me
Friday nights spent alone are a, special kind of thing.
Without any kind of message or pointless dom PR, here's to all the people who find themselves alone - for whatever reason - on Friday night.
We are the night.