Hello My Beloved Friends,
I’m back!! As I told you, it didn’t take long. I always have a lot to say but never anyone to tell it to. Today was pretty boring again… but I did talk to some new people, which was fun.
I still find myself being awkward, and maybe I just make stuff up in my head, but I feel like I’ve been rejected because of the way I look. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I feel like the conversation was going really well before we shared pictures. We were connecting, and then after seeing what I look like, he’s pulled away. I don’t know, it feels like an ongoing cycle, and it’s starting to hurt my feelings. It’s almost like I’m wondering if something’s wrong with me specifically.
It’s easy to feel like something’s wrong when everyone around me has a special someone, but I don’t, no matter how hard I try. I think I’m just frustrated because it feels like I’m doing all the “right” things but still getting left behind. It makes me wonder, though, are we all rushing into relationships just because it’s the thing to do? Is it really about love, or just about fitting into the “normal” picture?
I keep thinking about how the feeling of rejection is so unique. It starts in your stomach, like butterflies but heavier, with more anxiety and dread. It’s a sour taste in your mouth, and a gnawing guilt, like you’ve done something wrong. But maybe I’m being too hard on myself. If they really found me repulsive, they would’ve just blocked me, right?
I’ve been thinking about this cycle of rejection. It’s so familiar, like déjà vu with every new person. It makes me feel like something’s wrong with me, but I wonder if that’s just the story I’ve been telling myself. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re broken it’s just a part of life. Even the most confident people get turned down. I guess it’s not about the rejection itself but how I pick myself up after. I’m starting to realize that maybe this feeling of being “left behind” isn’t about me at all. It’s about timing, about where someone else is in their journey.
And maybe that’s okay. Maybe not everyone is meant to be in my life, and that’s just part of the process. I’ve got to remember that just because others have someone doesn’t mean I need to be in a relationship to be happy. In the meantime, I guess I'll try focusing on what makes me happy; reading, working on things that matter to me, spending time with the people who really care.
Although it is funny how our bodies react to emotions like this. The butterflies in my stomach morph into knots of anxiety, and suddenly, I’m questioning every little thing I said. It’s easy to get stuck in my head when things don’t go the way I expect them to, but I’m trying to remember that rejection is a part of the process, not the end of the story.
I guess I could have spoken up or simply blocked him, but maybe he’s just going through something I don’t understand. People are complex, and so am I. Maybe we all have our own reasons for doing what we do, even if we don’t share them.It’s hard, but I’m going to try to keep going, because that’s all we can do, right?
Anyways this is goodbye for now. I'm sure we will talk again soon my lovely lady bugs!
Love you all,
bbylaura🧡🧡