Messy Cupcake

I didn't cook 🧑‍🍳 today for lunch I had some fruit. I'm not sure what to write 📝. So I'm going to go with the wind of my mind. Let it wonder into the forest to get back to the rabbit 🐇hole🕳️. Does anyone ever do that let the rabbit take you into crazy places in your mind that you often don't go because it beyond messy. As wild tree that are as big as dreams you make veins that string onto the memories you cherish but have forgotten. My mind is like the jungle or forest hard to be in but beautiful. If you just look around you can see the animals playing and the birds 🐦 singing. Wind blows through your hair like a brush. Life is beautifully crazy. People are people. I wonder though. Does everyone think like this the beauty in the mess? If not, what do they see? To me yes the mind is your weapon but that doesn't mean you have to use it. Look at it. Take it in. Show yourself you. Good or ugly. Let it free within you. I struggle with this sometimes. The pain of things around is life we need that for the wonderful life I can make. Not everyone is bad. Not everyone is good. But why spend your time looking at the bad? When everyone is flawed. No one is a saint. I choose to look at the beautiful flaws people carry. The mask 👺 they hold or myself because like teaches you lessons for a reason. Just need to open your heart sometimes to understand the weird lemons 🍋 it throws at you🤣. But enough about the mind. I ate blueberries, grapes, and blackberries. The blueberries were sour 😖 but good. 

Today I made waffles that look like Mickey ☘️Mouse or Minnie 🌸. I'll talk about that later. Sir and I started an app called Obedience. I'm excited it's like my tummy is doing backflips😆🙌. I will say we have been communicating a lot about everything. I'll tell you what happened for us to get there though. A little part of me was hesitant about the dynamic. And now when I do feel like that I tell him about those feelings and make sure this is what we both want. Without me realizing it I was too eager. I did a lot of research and told him about all the things he needed to do. In the end, I got angry with the situation and myself because I was doing everything instead of being patient. He told me I needed to breathe and not to rush things. That's when I truly saw I was bottom topping. It wasn't okay I did that to him and myself. He was confused with everything because he was not a mind reader. I sincerely apologize to him. We talked about all the things I was doing and what we both wanted. We came up with a small stepping stone with the app. I feel calmer about everything because we talked about him wanting this dynamic truly and how he and I viewed each other's roles. It is very important to go to the other when you feel these types of feelings. I know that now and it lifted so much from my chest. It's hard but very much needed in this type of dynamic. Does anyone else had this happen? But anyway I made small waffles with a mixed berry syrup. To add touches I put powdered sugar, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Sir ate all of it in seconds 😄🧇. Which put a smile with a warm feeling I made him happy ☺️💞🌼.  

This is my first post on here. I want to start with I made a pizza today, and I didn't read all the instructions. But that's later on; I'll explain what happened. Sir and I cleaned the house. We talked about communication with one another. One thing I will say is I have a hard time expressing myself about BDSM and my wants with it. I've been interested in the community since I was 17-18. When I picked out a book that involved two lovers who had a D/S dynamic. After that, that's all I wanted. My dream relationship was that. It was a bond that was strong and beautiful in my eyes. My family frowned upon anything sexual, especially BDSM. So, I always keep to myself about some of my interests. Communication was never healthily taught to me. The reason I said all that is that it's hard for me to communicate with Sir. It's no excuse; I know that. That is why I'm trying to search, read, and get all the knowledge of healthy tips and coping strategies to be a better sub for him. Everything I say is always talked about; sometimes I feel like a bug 🐝 lol. Does anyone else feel that way too? Anyway, the pizza I made was heart-shaped. The pizza bites on the side got overcooked 🥲. Not to worry; the pizza was amazing and it stayed in perfect shape. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful day😄💕🌼!