Messy Cupcake

Hello everyone/future me 👋🌸 today I got a quote. I like to read. Haven't done it in a while due to life being wild. But I was looking up books to read and I saw a quote that might be my favorite one yet. 

“I am not afraid of the storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship” by Louisa M. Alcott. 

Storms are indeed just temporary. Nothing in life stays. It always changes. Slowly but surely it does. Which is the hard truth in life but still something to hold on to. All my life I've had to change every year something happened. People I see are there then they go with the storm. For a new day.  I'm not afraid to say goodbye even though it's like a knife in the heart. It happens that people even you change with the tide. Something for the better. Others not. Thats okay as long as you get back up and sail the right way. You'll be fine! Let the silly be free! Smile at the small things in life! If not you'll regret it! My life is definitely not perfect but thats the beauty of it. Even the pain is beautiful. It means you're human. Let that pirate 🏴 out and act like Captain Jack Sparrow 😂. Because you need to laugh to be you! So to whoever is reading this/ future self: you're brave, you're silly, you got this, and you're made of all the materials as a star. Act like it 😋✨💫

This is going to be me talking nonsense 😂. So I'm sorry if you get lost in my words. Life is CrAZy. It can get messy. But I guess that's me a mess. Just like eating a cupcake 🧁. How do you eat a cupcake? For me I pull the bottom off and put it on top like a sandwich. Then eat it. I know, I know weird. But it isn't that messy that way. Try it and tell me if it's still messy 😄. So at night as I drive home. I listen to music 🎶. But I sometimes look around me. The beauty we miss. The places and people we pass by. Everyone has a story. The lessons in life they've gone through. We are all somewhat different. Its beautiful to think about! Well at least to me it is. I used to take advantage of nature and places. Not caring for it. But now I can't help but look up and smile. While I feel the breeze go past me. Its relaxing and in the moment. We only get one life why waste your time? Lol that reminded me of Eminem. But its true. We don't know the time until it's too late. There so much out there to see and be and love. I can't wait! Anyway today I was lazy and took a day to rest. So been a lazy potato 🥔 in bed. Does anyone else have those days? 

Hello everyone/future me 😄🌸! I hope everyone is having a bright day. For me, I had a much sun 🔆. I got sunburned 😂. But its okay the sun heals the body and gives you a tan. I went out to the lake well it was a creek. Very beautiful to see! As people, we don't just sit and watch around. The beauty nature gives us. Even the spiders 🕷️. They are living like us. Trying to survive in this world and live like. We don't cherish the moments in life until it's too late. Don't get me wrong I do it at times. Life gets me caught in the stream. But streams continue to go not stopping. Thats where I'm learning to just let it and stop struggling. Take a breath and look up. Just don't look at the sun 🔅 it's not good for the eyes 🤭. I've done it not fun. But to look at the trees sway. The different color 🎨 leaves 🍂 that dance. Sometimes even wave “hello”. It makes me smile at everything around! Even when the storms are here. The reason for that is there is a new beginning. Something more I can treasure and see to come. Do anyone ever feel like that? 

Do you ever just watch the rain? See the beauty in the storm. The trees 🍃 are moving fast sometimes just still from the wind. Life needs the rain. To create nature. For plants, it's something they need to survive. People need their rain. AKA to tears 😢 😭. To grow into a better person. Life can be hard. People can say and do things that they may not know or understand. That is okay. It’s part of the experience. The joy in life. If I may say a rainbow after the storm. All the colors 🎨 like emotions of people to feel and see. I like to watch the rain. More so to dance in it with music in the background. To show the beauty in the ugly. Well to me it isn't ugly. What do you guys do in the rain? Oh, anything activity I like to do is to stomp in pebbles. A smile will always appear on my face. Anyways I miss the rain. I can't wait for it to change seasons. What season do you guys like? 

Hello👋🌸😊, I hope everyone who reads this doesn't get mad but I will write my feelings😅. It's not about the other cherries 🤭. But anyway, I was in a relationship for 2 years. I tried to make it work. Even in a dynamic, I tried. I am just kinkier, which was sexy to him until it came to the act of it. As we continue trying for a dynamic it got abusive. See I love to get put in my place maybe slapped around a few times 😈. But he would start to do it out of anger. He hurt me. Not knowing his strength. I'm not an angel either it was on both sides. Then he just stopped. Now we are at the point where we are trying to rekindle something that is broken. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Did you stay with that person? I am tired of waiting for someone I had to beg to love me right. I want to cry sometimes because how did it get here? Love was there. Motivation was alive. My smile was there. I would worship the ground he walks on. I would like to do the nastiest thing to him. But, we are breaking apart. I am breaking apart to stay to try. To waste my breath. Like I did for a year. Life gives you lessons for a reason, I guess. Those lessons are hard but worth learning about. Anyways, I'll stop talking about my breakup 😄. I had these sweet cherries 🍒. They were good. I don't think I've had a sweet cherry in a while. Cherry pie 🥧would be good with them. I think thats what I’ll bake😋! 

I didn't cook 🧑‍🍳 today for lunch I had some fruit. I'm not sure what to write 📝. So I'm going to go with the wind of my mind. Let it wonder into the forest to get back to the rabbit 🐇hole🕳️. Does anyone ever do that let the rabbit take you into crazy places in your mind that you often don't go because it beyond messy. As wild tree that are as big as dreams you make veins that string onto the memories you cherish but have forgotten. My mind is like the jungle or forest hard to be in but beautiful. If you just look around you can see the animals playing and the birds 🐦 singing. Wind blows through your hair like a brush. Life is beautifully crazy. People are people. I wonder though. Does everyone think like this the beauty in the mess? If not, what do they see? To me yes the mind is your weapon but that doesn't mean you have to use it. Look at it. Take it in. Show yourself you. Good or ugly. Let it free within you. I struggle with this sometimes. The pain of things around is life we need that for the wonderful life I can make. Not everyone is bad. Not everyone is good. But why spend your time looking at the bad? When everyone is flawed. No one is a saint. I choose to look at the beautiful flaws people carry. The mask 👺 they hold or myself because like teaches you lessons for a reason. Just need to open your heart sometimes to understand the weird lemons 🍋 it throws at you🤣. But enough about the mind. I ate blueberries, grapes, and blackberries. The blueberries were sour 😖 but good. 

Today I made waffles that look like Mickey ☘️Mouse or Minnie 🌸. I'll talk about that later. Sir and I started an app called Obedience. I'm excited it's like my tummy is doing backflips😆🙌. I will say we have been communicating a lot about everything. I'll tell you what happened for us to get there though. A little part of me was hesitant about the dynamic. And now when I do feel like that I tell him about those feelings and make sure this is what we both want. Without me realizing it I was too eager. I did a lot of research and told him about all the things he needed to do. In the end, I got angry with the situation and myself because I was doing everything instead of being patient. He told me I needed to breathe and not to rush things. That's when I truly saw I was bottom topping. It wasn't okay I did that to him and myself. He was confused with everything because he was not a mind reader. I sincerely apologize to him. We talked about all the things I was doing and what we both wanted. We came up with a small stepping stone with the app. I feel calmer about everything because we talked about him wanting this dynamic truly and how he and I viewed each other's roles. It is very important to go to the other when you feel these types of feelings. I know that now and it lifted so much from my chest. It's hard but very much needed in this type of dynamic. Does anyone else had this happen? But anyway I made small waffles with a mixed berry syrup. To add touches I put powdered sugar, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Sir ate all of it in seconds 😄🧇. Which put a smile with a warm feeling I made him happy ☺️💞🌼.  

This is my first post on here. I want to start with I made a pizza today, and I didn't read all the instructions. But that's later on; I'll explain what happened. Sir and I cleaned the house. We talked about communication with one another. One thing I will say is I have a hard time expressing myself about BDSM and my wants with it. I've been interested in the community since I was 17-18. When I picked out a book that involved two lovers who had a D/S dynamic. After that, that's all I wanted. My dream relationship was that. It was a bond that was strong and beautiful in my eyes. My family frowned upon anything sexual, especially BDSM. So, I always keep to myself about some of my interests. Communication was never healthily taught to me. The reason I said all that is that it's hard for me to communicate with Sir. It's no excuse; I know that. That is why I'm trying to search, read, and get all the knowledge of healthy tips and coping strategies to be a better sub for him. Everything I say is always talked about; sometimes I feel like a bug 🐝 lol. Does anyone else feel that way too? Anyway, the pizza I made was heart-shaped. The pizza bites on the side got overcooked 🥲. Not to worry; the pizza was amazing and it stayed in perfect shape. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful day😄💕🌼!