I write this as I am going on 36hrs without sleep, so if it comes across as slightly delirious, I forgive myself. The reason I have been up so long, is because I had an accidental run in with a big kitchen knife and instead of chopping into a sweet potato, which ended up on the floor, I instead ended up cutting into my finger. Cue me running around the house, with a tissue around my finger, blood dripping and me calling for my husband to help. I will not bore you with all the details but needless to say, at 12.30am BST, I ended up in the Accident and Emergency (A&E) department and sat there for 6.5hrs, going on 7hrs, with my finger in the air, to stop the bleeding, until I was finally able to see the doctor at just past 7am this morning. I then safely returned home, with a bandaged finger which I can’t currently use.
Now in all of this excitement two things struck me. Firstly, I am very grateful for the NHS and those brilliant and kind people who are the doctors, nurses, cleaners, reception staff etc who are there when we need them to be. Secondly, WHY THE HELL did they have a triaging system in place when they didn’t use it effectively or efficiently? Why did they not say to me ‘Mrs idiot who cut your finger’, we can’t put stitches in your finger where you cut yourself, we can’t do much to help you, but clean the wound and bandage you up and send you on your merry way. So actually turn around, go home, ask your husband to bandage your finger for you and sit on your coach, in comfort, with your finger in the air to stop the bleeding.’
So what does this have to do with anything? As I sit here now the parallels of triaging (but less clinically) of new people, people you have known a while and are exploring new territory or just even remerging people in this world, if not done effectively, empathetically but efficiently will mean that potentially you could be left in a position, where you are halfway into a brilliant conversation and realise you don’t know what the sub or domme wants. Or you don’t know if you are both exploring and wanting dynamics, or just wanting to meet people who you can share your thoughts with as friends and acquaintances . You don’t know if you are building connections or if this is just some fun play time. Without that triaging of asking questions, listening to the answers, exploring what something means, you do not know whether there is a potential to find a wonderful connection or just a fleeting connection from which you may or may not learn or even something which truly doesn’t work for one or both of you.
If someone had told me there was no point in sitting in A&E for 7hrs, for reasons listed above, I would have listened, said thank you very much, hope your evening isn’t too busy and gone home. It is the same when you meet people in our world, ask questions, be honest with what you want, explore likes and dislikes, what you wanting to get out of the conversation or dynamic and don’t be ashamed if you want a bit of fun or just want to meet people to chat too. Don’t hide yourself. That effective triaging is key to developing what you want and allowing us all to move forward and make decisions.