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Not Ashamed Anymore

How do you start off one of those? Do you jump in with both feet or just float there hoping for the best?

Well for along time I was floater. I was ashamed of my needs and wants. I was already an outsider to my family and feeling what I was feeling, would it make it worse?

Then I thought if I step into this life and start looking for a Daddy, would I just been seen as another girl with daddy issues.

Its hard knowing you need something so deeply and badly and know it isn't the "normal". I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, but it does scare me. But here I am jumping with two fit in and I'm hoping to find the right Daddy for me.
6 years ago. Monday, March 4, 2019 at 10:14 AM

Like I said in my last blog, no one has ever fought for me, helped, cared before. They've all used me for their own gains or wants. No one's taken the time to get to know or heard my voice. Most people just give up on me or throw me away when I don't meet their idea of me or their needs. Some just forget I'm even alive. 

 

So when people say they want to help or say they care, right away I get my walls up and start to try and figure out their angle.. Yes it's not a healthy way to live, but it's how I have survived since I was little. It's scares me when people say they care or want me to be apart of their life.

Could someone love really love me? Could someone really care? Am I even worth it?

 

Those are all questions that run threw my head, as of late more so as I'm getting close to some wonderful people and I don't want to push them away. I really don't, but if I do, would they fight for me or just give up like someone else?

 

I just don't want to let anyone down or disappoint them... But I have to believe that I am worth loving.. 

 

Violet ❤️

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