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Not Ashamed Anymore

How do you start off one of those? Do you jump in with both feet or just float there hoping for the best?

Well for along time I was floater. I was ashamed of my needs and wants. I was already an outsider to my family and feeling what I was feeling, would it make it worse?

Then I thought if I step into this life and start looking for a Daddy, would I just been seen as another girl with daddy issues.

Its hard knowing you need something so deeply and badly and know it isn't the "normal". I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, but it does scare me. But here I am jumping with two fit in and I'm hoping to find the right Daddy for me.
6 years ago. Monday, March 4, 2019 at 10:24 AM

Yup two blogs in less then 10 minutes, but this topic I need to talk about too.. 

So if anyone read my 32 stitches blog, you know I have been through some messed up crap over the past ten or so years. Well seems like I don't caught a break and that group just keep on winning. They got off Scott free due to lack of evidences... Yup once again they get to go on with their lives like nothing happened.                                                              A part of me wants to get really angry, but I know there's no point to that. While the other part just wants to be held and keep safe. It's moments like this that I really hate being alone...                                                                                        Last night I turned to drinking, which is not a good way of handling it and I'm probably going to get into trouble for that as it's not good for my pneumonia, but I just felt so alone, locked in my own head, wanting to push away all the good in my life, because I feel like I don't deserve it...

But that's what this group wants, to get into my head and control me again, but they don't get to own me, they don't get me, they haven't won!!                                                                                                   So today I'm going to cry and get all my emotions out and then pick myself up and continue on with my life, because I do deserve better.

 

Violet ?❤️

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